


Nothing Like Time

by misssnowfox



Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Biting, Blow Jobs, Coming In Pants, Communication, Established Relationship, Exploration, Feelings, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Horny Teenagers, Idiots in Love, Intercrural Sex, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, POV Kageyama Tobio, Porn with Feelings, Premature Ejaculation, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Touching, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, and all the time they were very much in love, the one where they were virgins and then they were not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 49,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misssnowfox/pseuds/misssnowfox
Summary: He likes to think he’s hardly a prude, but the sad truth is that he’s sixteen years old and in a relationship of over two months, and sex with his boyfriend is something he’s only just realised is something he might need to wrap his head around someday. Sex is going to be in his eventual future. Not some made up future with some faceless person once upon a time, but with someone he knows and recognises.___The road to intimacy is a long and windy one.Part of theSpend a Little Less Time Keeping Scoreseries. Takes place during and afterEnjoy You Moreand can be read as a stand alone, but will contain references to events in the series.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Spend A Little Less Time Keeping Score [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644838
Comments: 76
Kudos: 442





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies!!!
> 
> I'm so excited to be back with one of my side fics for SALLTKS, but don't expect it to be a short one, as you can tell by the length of the first of three chapters! 
> 
> A note before we begin:  
> The story, as of the posting of the first chapter is rated Mature and will stay that way until the content changes to Explicit, when I will change the rating. When we get to said chapter, I will post a disclaimer in the notes for those wanting to avoid said rating. 
> 
> This fic takes place in the in between moments of Enjoy You More, as well as shortly after it. Like I've said in the summary, this can be read on its own as a first time fic, but if you'd like the added emotional benefit of getting to know their struggles, then of course, I would love you to read the rest of the series, or at least Enjoy You More. But in theory, you don't need Enjoy You More to enjoy these two idiot boys finding their way to physical intimacy together <3 Just expect there to be references to plot points in this fic that might seem odd or random if you haven't read the other fic :) 
> 
> Happy Kagehina-ing!!!

The thing about being in a relationship with Hinata, Kageyama has realised - albeit an extremely new relationship of only two weeks or so - is that he needs to be on his guard at all times. 

For example, a rare evening spent alone together playing video games - whatever alien shit Hinata has managed to track down recently - will rarely end in them completing a game. Hinata will somehow manage to find a way to derail them, whether it’s through a sudden craving of rice balls that they need to buy _right now_ , a bright idea about a tactic in a game, or talking Kageyama’s ear off about what Kenma did that day. 

It really doesn’t bother him in the slightest most of the time. He’s always known Hinata’s attention span to be frightfully short and what with the new school year keeping them as busy as possible, he’s grateful for any and all time he gets to spend with him, as a rule.

But rules, as he’s starting to learn, are made to have exceptions. 

And that’s how, on their fourth video game evening since they’ve started dating, Kageyama feels his blood freeze in his veins when Hinata asks out of nowhere,

“Kageyama, why have we never kissed?”

He doesn’t drop his controller, but he does turn to stone briefly while he racks his brains for what on earth Hinata could be referring to and if he’s even talking to _him_. No, he must be, because he mentioned him by name. But what on earth does he _think_ they’ve been doing the past two weeks? Miming?

“Hinata, I’m begging you, don’t make me doubt your intelligence more than I already do.”

Hinata scowls at him, although he’s still _somehow_ able to focus on the video. Well, it’s not like he’s using his brain for thinking, clearly, so no wonder he has so much space in there for concentrating on his game. 

“You know what I _mean_ ,” he whines.

“ _Do_ I?” Kageyama demands. 

He does actually doubt himself for a moment as to whether it really is his own lack of understanding. After all, it’s not like _he_ knows anything about dating or kissing. Maybe there’s some secret language he and Hinata have been speaking that he doesn’t even know he’s been participating in or misunderstanding. 

Both of their game characters get obliterated by aliens and Hinata finally puts his controller down with an exasperated _huff_.

“I mean like in the movies, you know? A _real_ kiss.”

He turns to face Kageyama, still cross-legged and casual, but very much with his full attention on him now. Which means they’re about to have a _conversation_. One Kageyama is most definitely not prepared for, nor was he expecting to have today. 

He stares at the GAME OVER screen and feigns interest as though it will prevent the inevitable.

Hinata crosses his legs and Kageyama notices out of the corner of his eye that he has the audacity to rock back and forth as though he knows it will weaken Kageyama’s resolve to agree to whatever is coming.

“You know the kinds I mean right?”

“No.”

“ _Yes,_ you do!”

“No.”

“It’s like…” Hinata makes a move to start gesturing with his hands, but pauses to gather his thoughts and it finally gets Kageyama’s attention. It’s going to be like _that_ apparently. “In the romance movies my mom sometimes watches, when couples kiss they’re all…” he puts his hands into his hair and drags them through his tangled mess while closing his eyes. Kageyama almost _gapes_. “Like, their hands are in each other’s hair and they’re holding onto each other super tight. It’s really… passionate…”

There really are no words to express how unprepared he was to be having a conversation where the words _kissing_ and _passionate_ are in the same sentence. 

“Passionate…” he merely repeats. He’s not sure if his voice isn’t coming from playback rather than his own vocal cords.

“And, um… sometimes…” he looks down and bites his lip. Which can only mean one thing: he’s about to say something that’s going to embarrass one or both of them. It’ll probably be Kageyama because Hinata wouldn’t know embarrassment if it spiked a volleyball straight into his nose. “...Sometimes in some of the movies, they kiss while… not standing…”

“You mean sitting? We’ve kissed while sitting before…” he’s not sure if he should be offended that Hinata already doesn’t remember that their _first_ kiss was while sitting down. It was only two weeks ago, after all.

“Not just while sitting, sometimes while lying down. Just like, you know… getting to be closer. Like when we’re hugging but kissing at the same time.”

Kageyama isn’t really well versed in the romance movies Hinata is an expert on apparently, but even he’s seen what sort of scenes he’s referring to on the rare occasion he comes across a teen drama. And he thinks he finally understands what Hinata means when he says _kissing._

“Do you— that is—” he pauses to actually find a grasp on words in his own language. “Do you mean… making out…”

Hinata’s eyes light up as though that’s the word he’s been looking for all along. “Yeah, I guess!” he chirps, then scrunches his nose. “Though, that sounds a bit crass, no? Passionate kissing sounds _much_ better.”

Kageyama really couldn’t care less what they call it, but words and definitions mean a great deal to Hinata in a way that they just don’t to Kageyama. Words like _ace_ and _tall_ and a number of other terms that Kageyama has probably taken for granted over the years. So if Hinata prefers passionate kissing over making out, then who is Kageyama to judge him for it? 

Well… out _loud_ at least.

“Is that… is that something you… want?” he asks, dragging out each word as though that will make this conversation any less awkward than it already is.

“I mean…” Hinata starts, looking mildly flustered. His voice has pitched itself a little higher too, so he must really be in his head. “I’m not saying we _have_ to, not if you don’t want to…” 

Except, the face he’s making - the forlorn and disheartened one - tells Kageyama that he would very much be upset if Kageyama didn’t was to kiss him horizontally. 

He doesn’t even know where to _start_ discussing it with him. It’s not that he has anything against the idea, it’s more so that he’s only just gotten used to the fact that kissing is something he now does with another person _at all_ and adding the whole horizontal or passionate aspect into the equation just seems extremely complicated. 

What is it about kissing whilst lying down that’s so special anyway? The few times they’ve had the privacy to kiss at all, Kageyama’s heart has already skipped _many_ beats, much to his humiliation. He knows there’s more out there. That there’s an entire ocean of possibilities that he’s not got to tools to start comprehending or imagining. He just hadn’t known that those possibilities were on Hinata’s mind. 

He suddenly feels ten steps behind and decides that it’s his job to rectify the situation right now.

“You want to try it now?” he asks. 

“ _What?!_ ” Hinata squawks. 

Not the reaction he’d expected… 

“Well, we’re alone and you said you might want to try it, so why not?”

“That’s not— I—” 

All of a sudden he feels incredibly guilty for being responsible for nearly sending Hinata headfirst into a heart attack. His face is red, his eyes are watering and his hands are flailing so quickly that he’s surprised they’re not leaving motion blur in their wake.

“It’s not something you can just… _announce_ , stupid!” he finally gets out. “It’s one of those things that needs to happen spon—spo… out of nowhere.”

He’s making sense, Kageyama supposes. Now that he thinks about it, maybe it wasn't the best thing to propose. He’s pretty sure no one normal _plans_ kissing. 

“Yeah… um… sorry about that,” he mumbles begrudgingly. 

“Hey, no!” Hinata comes off the floor and scoots closer to Kageyama so he can touch his wrist. “Don’t make that sad face. Of _course_ I want us to try it, but not when you’re all… serious about it.” 

Kageyama frowns. 

“Yeah, like that,” Hinata giggles. “Look, it doesn’t even need to be lying down right away, I just thought it would be, you know… nice… to not stop right away…” he looks a little vacant, like he’s _thinking_ about things. Kageyama has a sneaky suspicion he’s somewhere involved in those thoughts.

“Yeah… yeah, that makes sense I think,” he murmurs, and that earns him a smile. 

Hinata grins asks, “Kiss?”

“You know you don’t need to ask me _every_ time, right?” 

Hinata cocks to the side. “I asked you the first time and you didn’t mind.”

“Well, yeah but that was different. I don't think most people ask before each kiss, right?” 

Like he would know. 

“But what if you don’t want to for some reason?” 

“Then I promise you, you’ll know about it.”

“That sounds like a threat…” Hinata laughs. 

“You wanna know what else is a threat? Me breaking up with you if you don’t come up with those codewords for our date anytime soon.”

“Well, if you broke up with me, I wouldn't have to come up with codewords after al— _Ow!”_

Hinata definitely deserved the pinch he receives for that.

* * *

The date goes as well as can be expected when the entire team invites themselves along and their mothers. Finally free of their teammates and able to have some of the alone time they wanted in the first place so they don't have to text every two minutes, they decide to take themselves to Kageyama’s place where Hinata insists on his stupid alien video game once again. 

Kageyama thinks it might have less to do with Hinata liking the game at all and more to do with the fact that he never had a chance to beat him last time when their conversation was suitably derailed. Unfortunately for Hinata, however, he kind of sucks at video games. He has as much tactful ability in the virtual world as he does on the court and Kageyama manages to hand his ass to him on three levels in a row. 

Hinata lets out a truly impressive range of pterodactyl noises next to him which makes Kageyama preen with smugness. 

Hinata scowls. “Wipe that smirk off your face, before I wipe it off for you.”

Kageyama lets out a sound that’s halfway between a puff of air and a short laugh. “I’d like to see you try,” he says without saying his eyes off the screen. 

Which is precisely when he finds himself overwhelmingly enveloped in Hinata’s red-headed, bony, enthusiastic presence as his boyfriend appears, seemingly out of nowhere, halfway in his lap and kisses him, _hard_. 

If Kageyama was an objective spectator, he might have commented on the fact that it’s not a particularly graceful position they’ve ended up in. Neither of them are particularly gifted physically when it comes to anything off the court - Hinata regularly walks into things that are directly in his path and Kageyama can’t remember a time when he didn’t feel at least a little awkward in his own skin - and while Hinata may be more at home in his own body than Kageyama thinks he’ll ever be, he’s also driven primarily by eagerness and instinct. 

So it’s no surprise that in his attempt to _wipe that smirk off_ Kageyama’s face, he’s ended up awkwardly half-straddling Kageyama’s one knee - the one that was closest to him - grabbing Kageyama’s face with both his tiny hands and turning it forcefully to where his mouth is waiting to meet him.

On instinct, Kageyama goes to reach for some part of Hinata, the way he has every single time so far that they’ve kissed, but the angle makes him lose his balance and both his hands fly behind him to steady himself or risk just falling flat on his back. A very, _very_ distant part of him has a feeling that Hinata would be the very _opposite_ of upset to have Kageyama flat on his back while he’s kissing him, but there are just some concepts that Kageyama can’t fit into his brain without feeling like he’s imploding, so he just presses the tips of his fingers into the ground behind him _hard_.

It’s a testament, he thinks, to how much of a fan he’s become of Hinata’s… _everything_ in the last month, that the fact that Hinata has caught him entirely off guard and is wordlessly asking Kageyama to indulge in this (two things he’s usually very much _not_ a fan of) or their lack of coordination, or the fact that the side of his neck is straining a little from the angle Hinata has imposed on them, or the fact that his palms have begun to sweat with alarming speed, doesn’t put him off what is happening one single bit. 

He instantly notices the difference in temperature between his face and Hinata’s grabby, needy hands on his cheek and he knows it’s because he’s blushing like a furnace from the feel of Hinata’s mouth and body so close to his. 

It’s only been a few seconds that their mouths have been pressed together but Hinata wriggles and scrambles in an attempt to find a better angle, or to get closer or _something_ , but he’s apparently incapable of letting go of Kageyama for one moment to readjust. He’s just an adorable, fidgety, kissy mess and when he opens his mouth against Kageyama’s that’s when he _really_ has his attention. 

Kageyama has certainly kissed him forcefully before (more a force of habit than an attempt in some sort of _seduction_ ), and he remembers on a couple of occasions when their kisses had lingered just a little bit longer than usual and one of them - Hinata, it was always Hinata - would dare to open up and change the kiss into something a little more uncharted than a schoolyard peck. 

And it’s not like it’s the first time Hinata has been in his personal space like this. Just thinking about the first time Hinata had fallen asleep almost _in_ his lap during that one evening a week ago makes him feel like a normal person for a change, capable of feelings. 

It’s just that those things have always happened in isolation. Isolation is something Kageyama can handle. 

_This_? The onslaught of sensation and data and Hinata not only being forceful but _warm_ and squirmy and tiny and apparently unafraid of being this close to Kageyama? It overloads his brain like it’s a decade-old computer. 

He somehow finds it in himself to kiss Hinata back and open up underneath him before the nerves process what’s happening to him. It’s insane to him how just that one difference, that one, tiny physical alteration, can make him feel like he’s so much closer to Hinata. 

Neither of them makes any noise, but their breathing more than makes up for it; particularly Hinata’s. Only _he_ could make breathing this loud. Kageyama would barely even call it that - it more resembles forceful _pushes_ of air through his nose and then his mouth whenever he takes a split second to break apart. He can feel the air and the pressure from his breaths on his cheek every time Hinata exhales through his nose and when his mouth is briefly unoccupied the breath is warm and wet. 

It’s so new, so unlike anything they’ve tried before or that Kageyama was expecting to happen today. He’s getting dizzy and they’ve barely been doing this for ten seconds. Every time Hinata opens his mouth he can feel the tiniest evidence of his tongue that Kageyama can tell he’s trying so hard to keep inside his mouth. He doesn’t think Hinata would be quite ready for that either, but even so, it makes Kageyama frustratingly emotional that Hinata is considerate enough to restrain himself even like this. That he knows Kageyama well enough to realise that kissing him like _that_ is something that Kageyama might freak out over. 

Hinata pulls away for real this time, but it’s like Kageyama’s mouth has fused with him in the 25 seconds they’ve been kissing (he can’t help but count them, which means he’s probably given into the nerves a little), because when Hinata pulls away, Kageyama’s lips and head instinctively follow, finally detaching from Hinata with a sound that makes Kageyama’s stomach knot tight and his hands bunch into fists behind him in an effort not to whimper. 

Had his lips really been _that_ wet? Or was that Hinata? 

Right now he’s not even sure where one of them ends and the other begins and they’re barely even touching now. 

Hinata leans back so he’s sitting on his haunches rather than leaning over Kageyama like a boyfriend tower and he looks just about as shocked as Kageyama feels. He’s not sure what he looks like himself, but if the heat in his face and his shortness of breath are any indication, he imagines he looks like he’s been doing something that would require an adult rating in a movie. It makes him _quake_. 

“So,” Hinata breathes. Kageyama’s eyes widen at how much deeper his voice just got and Hinata coughs to force it back to its natural pitch. 

But God, he’s so grateful that Hinata speaks just in time to fill what could have been a very awkward silence, because Kageyama is physically incapable of knowing what to say and having heard the wreck he just made of Hinata’s voice, he’s not sure he wants to hear his own. 

But Hinata is good at taking the reins verbally, knows just what to say to each individual first year in order to make them believe in themselves, knows just what to say to Kageyama to untangle his own head and when to say it. Kageyama has spent his whole life treating relationships like something that just didn’t concern him, so how did he possibly get so lucky as to have someone in his life who fills the empty spaces that Kageyama has left with his unrelenting social awkwardness so perfectly? How did it happen that they mess up in so many ways on a daily basis, but create the perfect balance in the ways that really matter? 

He clings onto the hope on a daily basis that it’s that foundation that will see them through when the time comes one day that Kageyama will eventually push Hinata away from him and will somehow screw this up. 

“I wasn’t planning on doing that today…” 

Kageyama shakes his head in agreement, bug-eyed and stunned and shallowly panting. 

“You…” and just as he suspected, his voice has also dropped slightly. Hinata inhales at that, and Kageyama tries again. “You didn’t ask permission that time.”

Hinata fidgets slightly under the revelation and Kageyama quickly realises how that sounded, but before he’s able to correct himself, Hinata murmurs, “I guess I didn’t… how did that make you feel?”

Kageyama really should make a habit of speaking first in the future because now he feels like he’s in a private therapy session. He really doesn’t think that Hinata is smart enough for that sort of job anyway.

“I think…” he starts, considering his words a little more carefully this time. He’s even worse at this part than at the kissing. “I think that it was good. I mean, it was good that you didn’t ask maybe? Like we said before, we shouldn’t have to ask every single time, right?” 

Hinata nods his agreement, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth in concentration. “That um…” Kageyama continues, lowering his eyes to his lap so’s not to see Hinata’s waiting gaze. “That was the sort of kiss you were talking about before, right? The sort that um…” 

The sort that just made him dig his nails into the floor. 

He’s also fairly sure that that can’t have even been a particularly _good_ attempt by normal kissing standards. That they still have so much room for improvement. It’s a dizzying thought. 

“Yeah, the sort that…” Hinata looks less unsure now and his eyes start sparkling the way they do when he’s greatly pleased by something. Getting a set, eating lunch, kissing Kageyama. It’s taken Kageyama a little while to realise it, but anything that makes Hinata’s eyes do _that_ is something that Kageyama is most likely going to get behind as quickly as possible. 

“I like that it just sort of… happened…” Hinata continues. “Do you?”

“I do,” Kageyama breathes. He should probably be a bit more of an active participant in this conversation come to think of it. “I think um… you know, we should be able to do it like that more. Not just the um… the way we did it but also just… unplanned… sometimes…”

Hinata nods and their breathing has started to settle to a normal rate, not quite like they’ve just run a marathon; a very inappropriate marathon but still. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Hinata asks. Kageyama’s eyes soften at the familiar words. Still so sweet even though he must have heard them a hundred times by now.

“Sure,” he says, a hint of a smile forming without his particular permission.

“That made me feel all tingly and just like… I don’t know _zing_!” 

Kageyama huffs, because Hinata has a habit of expressing how he feels about Kageyama in onomatopoeia rather than human words or sentences and _zing_ is just the newest one they can add to their list. 

He finally comes up off his hands which have been supporting his weight this entire time and crosses his legs. He misses Hinata’s presence in his space but there’s no way he can handle any more of what they just did. Not right now anyway. 

Instead, he hesitantly reaches over and just takes both of Hinata’s into his and holds them. Compared to the kiss it feels a little childish, but Hinata doesn’t seem to think so, because when Kageyama looks back up, all he sees is smiles. 

Despite the fact that they’re both smiling and they technically just shared something new and special between them, Kageyama still feels unsettled, like he has his own hundred secrets ready to burst at the seams. 

“I might…” he starts, still holding Hinata’s hands as though he might soak up some of his boyfriend's courage. “I might be bad at this part…”

Hinata just cocks his head to the side like an adorable puppy that witnessed something very interesting. It’s a precious reaction, considering Kageyama spends quite a lot of time apologising to Hinata for being bad at something relationship-related on a regular basis. He lets Kaggeyama continue without interruption, however. 

“I know we’ve kissed before, but… kissing like that? Like what we just did? It’s different, right?” He takes a deep breath. “Please don’t think that I don’t want to do more of that with you. I think… I think you’re the only person I would ever be okay kissing me like that. Or just kissing me at _all_ to be honest, asking or not asking.” Hinata grins at him, squeezing his hands just ever so slightly to show him he’s there and that it’s okay. “It might not be easy, this part… It might be difficult… Nothing about it seems to scare you at all, but I don’t know if it will be the same for me. Please don’t hate me for it.”

“You say that a lot, you know?” 

“What?”

“ _Please don’t hate me_ ,” Hinata slides one hand out from the little nest Kageyama made for them and puts it on the back of Kageyama’s head instead, stroking fondly and tenderly. “Silly-yama,” he says as though he’s cooing at a baby bird. “I don’t think I even know how. You might make me mad or frustrated or all growly sometimes, but I don’t think I’ve ever hated you.”

“You don’t _think_?” 

Hinata smiles, because he knows he’s finally managed to reach Kageyama’s weak spot and soothe it for the time being. 

“I _know_ I haven’t,” he clarifies. He then gently puts pressure on the back of Kageyama’s head and brings it to his sternum so that Kageyama will lean his forehead against Hinata. He doesn’t cease the stroking and it’s so quiet in the room besides the hum of the games console that Kageyama can just about make out the sound of Hinata’s heart from how close he is to it. 

“By the way,” he murmurs into Kageyama’s hair, “I may not be as scared as you are of having more kisses like that or… you know…” Kageyama can’t help but flinch and Hinata feels it for sure, because he strokes his hair a little harder. “ _But_ …” he continues, “that doesn’t mean I don’t ever get nervous thinking about it. But it’s mostly a _good_ nervous. Like when I’m waiting on the bench to come on for the match. I know I could screw up, but then I know how much I love being on the court and it turns into excitement.”

“Am I the court in this situation?” Kageyama’s mouth is partly muffled by Hinata’s shirt and the sound of it makes Hinata giggle. He lifts Kageyama’s head so he can look at him properly. 

“Yes, you are a grumpy, silly court,” he declares. “But seriously, like just then? I’ve never kissed someone like that either. I know I probably did it all wrong. Maybe a while ago I would have been too nervous to try it, but after I got in my head that I wanted to try a kiss like that, it got less and less scary until I just wanted to _do_ it already, so I did!”

Kageyama aches at how easy Hinata makes that sound. He knows that with time, with patience, he’ll get to that sort of level too. He also knows time and patience are not things he’s good at. 

“So my point is, I don’t give a damn how good you are at anything we do together. I don’t want some god, I want _you_ and you’re already a god on the court anyway, so save something for the rest of us,” he teases. “Every time I’m with you, I already feel like I wanna jump 100 meters into the air so I don’t think it’s possible that we could do anything together that I wouldn’t like. I know we’re both probably going to get nervous, but I don’t want you to get all angry at yourself because of that. Who cares if it takes me one week to not feel nervous and it takes you two weeks? Is it some sort of race? I don’t think so! Unless you have some other boyfriend you want to be doing that kind of kissing with?” 

Kageyama loves the easy way that Hinata knows how to tease him to make him realise how stupid he’s being without actually saying the words outright. 

He also doesn’t miss the very obvious way that Hinata is still trying to get him to call him his _boyfriend_. The longer it goes on, the more Kageyama almost wants to hold back out of spite because this is actually becoming quite fun. 

“I… definitely don’t have one of those, no.” Hinata twists his face up slightly to show how displeased he is that his genius plan was thwarted yet again. 

“Are you done being Worried-yama about the kissing stuff?” Hinata asks.

“I am,” Kageyama agrees. 

“Good!” Hinata squeaks “And you’d be okay with practising it some more? I didn’t put you off?”

“No, Hinata, I think it’s safe to say that your kisses definitely don’t _put me off_ ,” Kageyama explains with a level of irritation that means he’s definitely back to his usual self. “And yes, I want to do more of that with you.” 

This pleases Hinata _greatly_ if his incessant wiggling and what Kageyama has dubbed his _happy noises_ are anything to go by.

“Kiss?” Hinata asks and Kageyama can’t help the smile, he just can’t.

“Yes please,” he says and Hinata bestows him with an obnoxiously loud peck. 

* * *

Hinata doesn’t bring up the topic of kissing again for a long time. Which he assumes has less to do with Hinata suddenly becoming uninterested in kissing and more to do with the fact that in the lead up to prelims, Kageyama begins his slow and steady descent into his own head out of fear for the team finding out about their relationship and spends much of his time avoiding Hinata altogether.

Hinata, as always, is nothing but patient and understanding with him, whether it’s with his lacklustre performance on the court, his more-silent-than-usual-presence when he can bare to hang out at with him, or his first experience of a panic attack which Hinata brings him back from with hushed words and soft strokes of his back. 

Kageyama still doesn't know how to thank him for his kindness and his support even once the ordeal is over and they finally tell the team that they’re dating. Well… not so much _tell_ them as _get found out embarrassingly quickly_. 

When Hinata finds out that the team knew all along, he lets out a squeal that Kageyama has never heard from him in the year that they’ve known each other. 

“I knew it!” he shouts over the phone once they’re back at home, bathed and feeling slightly less grubby and sore from prelims the bus ride. 

“You absolutely did not know it,” Kageyama counters, because like hell is he going to let Hinata take the credit for this.

“Well, okay _fine,_ but I totally said it was going to be alright, so it’s sort of the same.”

Kageyama isn’t sure that those two things are the same in the slightest, but he’s far too exhausted to even think about prolonging the argument. He’s happy that the weight is finally off his shoulders and he’s happy that Hinata is happy. 

“I’m just really happy you’re okay again…” Hinata says, his voice far smaller now. 

It makes Kageyama’s pulse stutter without his permission and his face seizes up in the way Hinata always makes fun of him for now. It tends to happen on a semi-regular basis these days, especially when Hinata behaves all earnest and sweet. 

“Idiot,” he almost stutters. “Of course I’m okay. I’ll be kicking your ass on the court again in no time. Vacation is over.”

Hianta’s smile has always been enough of a force to be reckoned with that he can physically feel it through the phone.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he says.

* * *

It seems perfect that just as Kageyama is getting back on his feet mentally and finally feels himself again around his team, that same week they get hit with a heatwave. Not suffocating if they were in the middle of their summer vacation, perhaps, but totally unexpected for June. It makes all of them a little lazy and slightly irritable.

Only Hinata, who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of heatstroke, even when they were practising in the scorching Tokyo sun last year, seems to charge on without being phased by the rise in temperature. 

Not that anyone would know to look at him, of course. He’s definitely never been one of the sweatiest guys on the team, but for such a tiny body, Kageyama has always been surprised just how much he can produce once he gets going. He noticed it the very first time they played against each other - back when Kageyama was still a deep well of denial and didn’t register that noticing the way Hinata’s hair had darkened around his ears and curled up slightly more around his forehead weren’t normal details to fixate upon. 

Morning practices don’t tend to affect any of that much, but by the time the school day is over and the day is at its warmest, it’s a slow drag of feet into the gym rather than an excitable huddle. Hinata is already pinker in his cheeks than usual when he races Kageyama to the club room and by the time they finish warm-ups, the hair at the nape of his neck starts looking a little damp. 

By the end of a session, while they stretch their muscles and pray for the sweat to cool down their skin, he notices how the back of Hinata’s white shirt doesn’t ride up the way it normally would when he bends over to stretch out his hamstrings. It’s stuck to his lower back, slightly see-through and clinging desperately to his skin. He can just about see his face from this position and it’s even redder than usual while he’s facing the ground. He looks strained and his breaths are deeper than usual where he’s pressing on his lungs. The stretch can’t be taking more than forty seconds but his breaths feel like they’re being exhaled in slow motion. 

Kageyama looks away when he realises he’s missed the next group of stretches. 

* * *

The forecast tells them that the heatwave should only be lasting into next week and Kageyama is eternally grateful for it, because he can't stand looking at the mess Hinata manages to make of himself by the end of every session for much longer. He doesn't know how he never noticed it before, but now that it’s on his mind, all he seems to focus on is how badly Hinata clearly needs a haircut if he’s going to sweat this much throughout the entire summer tournament season. 

It makes his skin itch in a way he’s only really used to feeling when he’s irritated. Which he supposes he technically _is,_ but it’s not for any of the reasons he’s used to feeling irritated for. 

Though it’s true he doesn't always have the best gauge to tell when he’s walking around with a rain cloud hanging over his head, it’s normally a safe bet to assume his mood has visibly taken a turn for the worse when his mother says something. 

“Tobio, if you grind your teeth any harder, there’ll be nothing left of them.”

“Sorry,” he grits out, making a more conscious effort to chew like he doesn’t wish it was Hinata’s stupid face and his sweaty hair between his teeth. 

“Why don't you channel some of that energy into _studying_?” she smirks at him. Sometimes he wishes he had a mother who didn’t care whether he did well at school or not. 

He grumbles and groans as they clear up after dinner and when he gathers his textbooks, his mom asks, “do you maybe want to come study in the living room? It’s not often I’m at home in the evenings with you, is it?”

It’s true that she usually tries to haggle shifts as best she can so that they can at least see each other on the weekends. To have her home on a Friday night already in the kitchen when he gets home from school is a rarity. 

They settle into an easy silence with Kageysma sitting on the floor and his mom resting on the couch, a mug of green tea in her hand as she washes some sort of romance film that he’s not paying attention to. It’s actually amazing white noise to distract his brain from doing its hyperactive thing when he’s trying to copy his kanji. 

Only two dim lamps are turned on in the room and the lights from the TV flicker and dance across his notes, making him feel a little sleepy by the one hour mark. His mom must feel it too, because he hears her yawn from behind him. When he turns to look at her, she looks like she’s just woken up from having nodded off and she blinks at him with a sweet smile on her face.

“Oh, sorry sweetie,” he sighs. “I think I might call it a night, that 4 am wake up call is getting to me.”

“Sure thing,” he agrees.

“Want me to turn off the TV?”

“No, it’s okay, you can leave it on, I’m not watching anyway.”

“Okay then,” she says and kisses him on top of his head as she grabs her blanket and pads out of the room. 

Now that she’s gone, he does find the sound of the movie a little annoying, so he mutes the volume just to keep the soothing freckled effect of the screen light against the floor. It reminds him of summers spent with his grandparents as a small child when he’d been allowed to sit and watch volleyball matches under the cocoon of a blanket fort after his grandparents had gone to bed. “What your mom doesn’t know won't hurt her,” his grandpa had said and mimed a zipping motion against his mouth. 

After about fifteen more minutes of studying, he starts to lose any and all track of which radicals are which and even gets the kanji for his own school mixed up with the kanji for _bird_. That’s when he knows it might be time to follow his mom’s example and call it a night. 

Except as he shuts his notebook and ensures he has all of his stray pieces of paper in order, the orange glow from the TV on the white pages catches his eye and he looks up. And is confronted with the image of what he assumes are the two main characters - one man, one woman - in the process of having very passionate, very romantic sex with each other. 

His first instinct is to look around like a rabbit in the headlights that’s been caught doing something he shouldn't. But then he remembers his mom is already in bed and if he knows anything about her, it’s that if she’s falling asleep on the couch, she’ll be out like a light right about now. 

His second instinct is to turn off the TV and run to his room like his life depends on it before anyone looks through the window or catches him watching this sort of scene as though he’s a weird teenage pervert. 

But as he holds the remote in his hand, something causes him to stall. Some curiosity he’s thus far found to be untapped. After all, it’s not as though he’s never seen sex on screen before. Far too many instances of pop-ups from illegal volleyball websites taking him to sites catering to fans of… very different kinds of balls… and it’s really not like he spends his free time watching whatever romantic nonsense his mother likes to put on to wind down after a long day at work. 

It’s the most explicit thing he’s ever watched that didn’t involve a URL with a suspicious name and he. Can't. Look. away. 

It’s some sort of historical drama by the looks of things. The orange lighting up the room is coming from the enormous fireplace that the couple is currently lying in front of and the entire room looks cosy and inviting in a way that makes Kageyama feel instantly soothed. 

The woman - completely naked and having her modesty preserved only by a fur throw around her bottom half as well as by her partner - has her arms wrapped around him and is gazing into his eyes without so much as blinking. Her hair is a wild mess of curls on the rug beneath her and her fingers dig into his shoulders. The man himself is slow in his movements, but purposeful; sensual rather than overpowering. 

The camera angles change every now and then to show the flex of his muscles as he… to show both of their panting mouths on a close-up and the way their lips meet like they don’t even mean to, but they can't bear being apart. This… _this_ must be the kind of kissing Hinata was talking about. Close and constant and _wet_ and entirely with the intention to indulge. 

He’s almost relieved when the image in front of him changes and all thoughts of Hinata are washed away. 

The man on screen adjusts himself and his partner and Kageyama sees the full expanse of his back, the muscles of his thighs as he shifts just a little - enough to move the blanket out of the way for a split second so that most of his body is revealed without showing anything too taboo. 

When he comes back down to blanket his partner with his own body, his movements are slightly rougher, his hips moving faster and with less precision. There are close-ups on his fingers pressing into her waist and the exertion on his face as he _won't, stop, moving_. 

These movements are much more reminiscent of what Kageyama has seen on the rare occasion he’s bothered to stick around for the porn that’s popped up on his computer. It doesn't really interest him that much past mild curiosity. He doesn't have to look at his computer to see naked bodies if he was really desperate for that sort of thing; he showers with the rest of the guys often enough. And that alternative certainly wouldn't threaten to give his computer a virus. 

But even though the man in the film is certainly being rougher now, there’s an entire ocean separating this and the porn he’s seen. Porn seems to be visually stimulating but it’s clinical and impersonal. Kageyama doesn't like strangers on a good day and he certainly doesn't see the appeal in seeing strangers go at it, especially when it barely seems like they want to be there. 

These two certainly don't feel like strangers in the slightest. And Kageyama is mesmerised by how much they really _do_ seem to be enjoying it. Enjoying being that close to another human being and there not being a single moment of awkwardness on their faces. The sound is still muted but their mouths are parted whenever they’re not kissing and he can tell they’re panting and _moaning_. 

He’s hit with a tidal wave of need to hear what they sound like, but he doesn't dare risk getting caught. All he does is dig his nails into the plastic of the remote and tell himself that this isn’t _real_.

But for the first time, it _feels_ real for him in a way it never does when the sex is actually happening in porn. He knows these are actors. He knows they’re just playing characters. But the characters are into it and sensual and comfortable with each other in a way Kageyama has never even known sex could be. 

He doesn’t need to be a genius to see that they’re in love. It’s written in every part of the scene.

The man picks up his pace even more and even though the woman beneath him is screaming and her head is thrown back and the man has his face buried in her neck so Kageyama can’t even see him, they never feel any less close than when they were sharing gentle caresses and kisses. Does it really work that way? How can aggression like that be translated into anything positive when all Kageyama has ever known of aggression is its ability to make people see him as an outcast. 

Being this close to someone shouldn't feel as right as it looks in front of him now. There’s no way it’s that easy in real life. And yet when they finish - when the woman arches her back clean off the rug, her hands in her partner’s hair and the man grips her arms so hard they _must_ bruise and curls in on himself completely - Kageyama sees it in screaming colour: 

Hinata beneath him, over him, _close_ to him. Hinata looking like he does during his stretches, his face pained and red, not through exertion now but pleasure. His body, so much smaller than Kageyama’s in every way possible, kicking and writhing as his hair becomes a tangle and his hands move to Kageyama’s hair and _tug_ , just like the couple do to each other in the movie. Hinata’s eyes soft and sated as they both relax into each other again - no awkwardness, no worry, just the two of them seeing nothing but the other. 

It’s so vivid and so foreign to him that he makes a startled noise as though the remote has electrocuted him and he drops it to the floor, making himself jump. Now that he’s paying attention to himself again, he feels the flush in his face and the slight dizziness in his head.

He fumbles for the remote with trembling fingers and switches the TV off just as the couple snuggles into one another, still as in love as ever. 

He has no idea what just happened, but one thing is for sure: it went far beyond curiosity.

* * *

That weekend, Hinata is due to meet his middle school friends which Kageyama is eternally grateful for, because it means he can spend that time _contemplating_. 

Contemplating the fact that the night before, he’d envisaged another human being in a sexual situation. Not just any human being, but _Hinata_.

There is nothing in his toolbox of skills that has prepared him to know how to deal with this sort of situation. He’s always one step behind, always unaware of what’s expected of him and what he should be aware of. 

He doesn't think he can ever remember a time when the thought of sex was something he considered a tangible reality. In truth, he’s barely even considered the concept _all_ , his mind usually focused on much more important things. And now that he’s in a relationship, it’s clear to him that sex is just something that is casually on the table for whenever they want to pick it up, and not an abstract concept that only happens to _other_ people. But he’d always assumed that the table was one that extended far into the distance, not one he might have to learn to navigate in the very near future.

He’s never had any friends to speak of before he came to Karasuno, so he doesn't get any first-hand stories, but comments and conversations were inevitable in the clubrooms of Kitagawa First. He doesn't think any of those guys had ever even seen a girl naked, let alone touched one, but Kageyama had certainly picked up a few choice phrases based on what they either thought it would be like or had seen from porn. 

And porn - something which his peers had seemed to rely on as though it was a gift from the sacred waterfall - just hasn’t been a part of his life or forced him to take much notice. If he tries to cast his memory back, he’s confident he could segregate his interest in the female bodies to aesthetic appeal, whereas the male ones were always regarded with a far less objective interest. He’d never even heard the word _gay_ until he was in middle school and the first boy he’d ever wanted to kiss anyway was Hinata. 

It makes him realise just how far behind he really is. Where his classmates had spent years already figuring out the mysteries of their bodies and travelling into the dirtier recesses of their imaginations after their lights were turned out, Kageyama has done none of that. It’s something he’s put off, thought about only when it’s been placed directly in front of him and dealt with only when it’s been necessary. 

He likes to think he’s hardly a prude, but the sad truth is that he’s sixteen years old and in a relationship of over two months, and sex with his boyfriend is something he’s only just realised is something he might need to wrap his head around someday. Sex is going to be in his eventual future. Not some made-up future with some faceless person once upon a time, but with someone he knows and recognises.

There isn’t any part of him that ever wants to disappoint Hinata. But this part of the relationship, this very very physical and close and intimate part is something he knows he has no hope in not messing up. He’s only just getting used to slowly unlearning years worth of bad habits in regards to processing how he feels about his own emotions and he doesn’t even know where to begin with his hang-ups about anything physical.

He knows he’s getting himself worked up so much already. The fake image of Hinata from the other night combined with the real image of the Hinata he knows, combined with questions of how he feels about this and how is he even supposed to know when he’s ready for something like that and how on earth can he feel as at ease with himself as the characters did in that film? 

But more importantly, how is he supposed to marry up the Hinata that he’s known for over a year and dated for two months - dorky, feisty and quite honestly, _cute_ Hinata - with someone that has sexual desires and may possibly want those things with him? 

Hinata had been the one to bring up making out. Kageyama now realises that he’s probably been a naive idiot to think that, Hinata has neglected to factor in the concept of sex in the same way he has.

How does Kageyama turn his own odd and awkward body into something that could be capable of responding to someone else’s in that way? How do they make a transition like that when this is the way they’ve been for so long now? How does sex fit into who they are without it feeling like it’s an awkward third presence in their dynamic?

Just when he thinks he’s bound for a dark path, he feels his phone buzz and gets a picture from Hinata. It’s a selfie of him with Kouji and Izumi. Hinata is standing behind them both and holding up a peace sign above their heads and grinning like a maniac. 

And just like that, Whatever nerves he feels somehow manage to settle now that he can see Hinata’s face and is reminded that nothing he could do to Kageyama could ever be wrong or frightening. 

From day one, Hinata has been able to read him in ways that other people have yet to manage. It’s made sure his high school experience has been a galaxy away from his misunderstood middle school years. He’s managed to make a semblance of sense of his words that always seem to come out all wrong and his grumpy, overthinking silences. 

More than anything, Kageyama knows that Hinata is remarkably patient for the things that matter. He’s never made Kageyama feel as though his moods and his problems are something that isn’t worth riding out and weathering. 

He sees a message come through from Hinata along with the photo.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Spot the boyfriend xD_

Kageyama grins, heart light as a feather at Hinata’s constant teasing. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Spot the idiot_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _;)_

No matter what, he never pushes, not even a little bit. Whether it’s to do with Kageyama calling him his boyfriend or any other aspect of their relationship. And Kageyama realises that this part of them - the kissing and whatever might be coming after - he also won’t push him on. 

He looks down at his stupid, smiling face and knows that if he were here, Hinata would call him Worried-yama and he’d probably be right. He’s getting far too ahead of himself and he entirely blames Hinata’s influence on that. 

Hinata has never given him a reason to be scared and for that reason, if nothing else, he owes it to him to give him his full trust in this. 

* * *

Monday is said to _finally_ be the last day of the heatwave, at least until the summer. Kageyama is eternally grateful for that, because the combined effect of the heat from the sun and the annoying heat under his skin from watching that stupid movie on Friday night is proving to be a problem for him. 

He goes straight to the club room that morning to find Noya and Tanaka already there and he tells himself it’s to get out of the sun rather than the reality, which is that he’s not sure he can risk being alone with Hinata even for a second without dying of embarrassment. 

He’s really not sure what the protocol is for telling your boyfriend that you accidentally pictured him very naked and very sweaty whilst watching two good looking actors pretending to be in the throes of passion. Or if he even needs to tell him at all. Is that the sort of stuff he’s supposed to keep private? Or does it technically count as lying if he doesn’t mention it?

“Hey!” he hears coming from the door behind him as he takes off his shirt. Really? _Now_?! “How come you didn’t wait for me by the bikes? I thought maybe you were late coming in or something?”

He’s lucky that the room is fairly full and so the likelihood of him making an idiot out of himself in public is much lower than if it were just the two of them and he had nothing to distract himself with.

Hinata, of course, is bright and cheerful as ever and aggravatingly _pink_. Not just from his bike ride over, but it’s clearly the sort of pinkness that will have stained his cheeks for a few days. Kageyama assumes in his excitement to see his friends over the weekend, he forgot to apply sunscreen. 

And the result makes Kageyama want to put his fist through the door of his locker.

By the time the afternoon comes, Kageyama is certain that there’s something drastically wrong with him. The fact that he’s able to set a ball at all is a miracle when all that is crowding his senses is the sight of Hinata, feral and sweaty and focused, lusting after every single ball he sends him. 

It isn’t till the end of afternoon practice, when they’re all standing together listening to coach Ukai give his criticism and Kageyama looks across the huddle to see Hinata lick the sweat from his upper lip and wipe his forehead with the back of his forearm, that his mind makes the muscle memory connection of the sight in front of him and the flushed bodies in front of the fire. 

But this time, instead of it making him want to run, he wants nothing more than to be closer to whatever that itch is inside him. The heat under his skin is burning him up and if he doesn't share it somehow, he’s pretty sure he might die from it.

He helps the first years clean up in an attempt to calm himself, all of which is futile when Hinata offers to give him a hand. 

“Don’t stay too long, you two!” Ukai calls over to them as he leaves. “It’s the hottest day of the year today, I don’t want you hurting yourselves.”

“Yes, sir!” Hinata calls. 

He trots over to where Kageyama is putting the net away in the storage room and leans his back against the pile of mats with a smile as he watches Kageyama work. “You know, you keep clearing up for them like that, they’re going to get used to it,” he teases. 

Kageyama doesn't say a word, just packs up the rest of the equipment in silence, hoping he can get out of here as quickly as possible and jump into an ice cold bath as soon as he gets home. 

“You okay?” Hinata asks, unmoving from his spot. 

“Sure,” Kageyama replies, feeling the sweat pool at his lower back from nerves as well as the heat now.

“You’ve barely said a word all day, you’re… you’re not… mad at me for something are you?”

Kageyama grits his teeth, his back still to Hinata. “No, god, of course not.”

“Okay…” he says, but he doesn't sound too sure. 

Kageyama stands up and wipes his dusty hands on his gym shorts. He feels Hinata approach him from behind and take Kageyama’s wrist in his tiny hand. “Hey,” he says softly. “You wanna go home?”

Kageyama turns to look at him and god, now that Hinata is this close, he can _smell_ him. Smell the sunscreen that he remembered to put on today and the scent of his shampoo and deodorant and the very present smell of a teenage boy who’s run around in a boiling gym for two hours. 

Now that they’re a little cooled off, he’s not so red anymore, but the sheen on his skin is still very much there. It’s just about visible with the light from the gym reflecting off it. Has he _always_ looked like this after practice in the heat? How did Kageyama never notice it before? Or at the very least, why has it never affected him the way it is now. Heart pounding and fingertips twitching. 

“Hinata…” he murmurs, turning to face him properly. “I…” 

His hand comes up by pure instinct and touches the side of Hinata’s neck where it’s the shiniest, like an archaeologist trying to satisfy his curiosity regarding a new and fascinating terrain. He brings the hand up to Hinata’s face and absentmindedly traces his cupid’s bow where a tiny bit of moisture has gathered. He’s utterly hypnotised by it and it nearly startles him when Hinata breathes, “Kageyama….”

He notices Hinata’s laboured breathing now and his eyes even wider than before. Startled, but far from scared. Kageyama takes a tiny step forward, but Hinata moves back too, seemingly transfixed by Kageyama’s gaze. 

He ends up with his back against the mats again and Kageyama moves into his space like a duck to water, needing to see every little detail of his face. He’s moving purely on instinct now, and there are no rules for the road he’s taking. He doesn't know what being drunk feels like, but it has to be something like this. 

His hand goes to the name of Hinata’s neck where his hair is still wet and Hinata swallows visibly. He fully threads his fingers into the damp hair there and puts his other hand flat on the mats besides Hinata’s head, bracketing him. 

He’s so perfectly _small_ that Kageyama is certain he could take his entire head in his hands if he tried.

“Kageyama… are you…” Hinata breathes in the smallest, breathiest voice he’s ever heard from him.

It’s that in the end that undoes him. He needs to be close to Hinata and it needs to happen _now._

In one fluid motion, he leans in and takes Hinata’s mouth with a loud, long sigh through his nose. Hinata must see it coming, because he’s opened his mouth to welcome the contact and already it’s so very much like the kiss they shared in Kageyama’s room but multiplied to infinity. 

Hinata’s hands have come to the front of Kageyama’s shirt, clinging on for dear life and Kageyama’s hand is still in Hinata’s hair as he breaks away with a ridiculously wet sound and dives back in before either of them has a chance to breathe. 

He can taste the saltiness of Hinata's mouth and he chases after it like it’s his only source of food, kissing and breaking away, kissing and breaking away. He hasn’t got a clue about technique and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t give a damn.

Hinata makes the quietest whimpering sound against his mouth that Kageyama can only hear because he’s so close and it makes Kageyama kiss him deeper. He doesn’t know which one of them starts it, but somehow, he feels the shy, wet press of a tongue against his and he realises that Hinata is so into it, that he’s probably doing it by accident. 

Kageyama breathes out _loud_ and harshly and brings his other hand to Hinata’s hair so he’s completely covering him, breaks apart for a split second before jumping back in. He’s pressing against Hinata’s face so hard that his head is probably making an indentation in the mats and now that their tongues are involved, Kageyama doesn’t know how he’ll ever be able to pull back. His heart is hammering against his chest and he hasn’t got a clue if he’s making noise, doesn’t even _care_.

It isn’t until he feels himself grow hot beneath his own shorts that it startles him back into reality. 

He pulls back finally and pants like a madman, eyes wide and searching. He presses his forehead to Hinata’s, hands still in his hair and he can see Hinata’s chest moving at a mile a second, hears his pants just as loud as his own. It’s good to see that he’s not the only one feeling disarmed. 

His adrenaline slowing and his bravado shrinking by the second, he feels a little sheepish, but he doesn’t let go. He swallows and tries to untangle his own tongue as he murmurs between laboured breaths, “Did… did you… mean something… like that…?” 

There are no words for how he feels. How much he clearly _needed_ that and how much more relaxed his body is after it's finally been given what it was clearly screaming for. To hold Hinata and kiss him breathless.

“Wow,” Hinata breaths in response, but it might as well be a completely different person talking. He’s taking in breaths like a dog on the side of the road in the heat of the summer sun and the sight of him is nothing short of utterly dishevelled.

Kageyama moves back slightly to get a proper look at him, and just for a moment, he thinks that he’s ruined everything. That he’s crossed some sort of line that they haven't even drawn yet. 

But then he sees Hinata’s eyes glaze over and the curl of his lip when he murmurs, “Happy Birthday to me?”

Kageyama could kiss him again for that. 

“It’s not your birthday yet, dummy.”

“You sure about that?” Hinata teases with a glint in his eye that Kageyama has a feeling he’s not seen the last of. “I’m not sure I know what day it is after _that_.” 

Kageyama breathes easier than he has in days. 

“I’m…” he sighs. “I’m really glad to hear that…” 

Hinata beams up at him and Kageyama knows that it’s all going to be okay. That Hinata is still Hinata and their dynamic hasn’t suddenly changed to something Kageyama can’t recognise simply because they made out in a disgusting storage cupboard. 

“This place has sure been good to us, hasn’t it?” Hinata giggles and Kageyama has to agree with him on that one. 

“I think I’ve had more than enough of this room to last me a lifetime,” he says. 

“Well,” Hinata says and Kageyama does not like that look in his eye _one bit._ “Feel free to make out with me in here _any_ time you want.”

Kageyama nearly swallows his own tongue. 

* * *

Hinata is obnoxiously cheerful for the week following and Kageyama doesn't know if it’s the promise of his early birthday party coming up or the effects of their stolen moment in the gym. He would like to think he has at least _some_ part to play in it, but Hinata usually only has room in his head for one thought at a time. 

The same good mood, however, cannot be said for Kageyama. After discovering the stress of figuring out what in god’s name he’s going to get Hinata for his birthday, coupled with his sudden toothache that doesn't seem to be shifting anytime soon, he finds himself thoroughly _not_ in the mood for anymore kissing like what they did at school. 

When he wakes up the morning after Hinata’s party, tooth still sore, but no longer high off of his anaesthetic, he’s still in a decidedly bad mood after the memory of crashing Hinata’s party and later throwing up in his toilet knocks him into consciousness. He rubs his eyes and groans, praying for the void to just take him. 

And then he opens his eyes properly to realise he’s sleeping in a futon rather than in his own bed. Which is precisely when he turns over and finds himself faced with the view of a very asleep, open-mouthed Hinata snoring his life away. 

Of course. Now he remembers.

Going to sleep at Hinata’s place had seemed like a good idea at the time considering he was in no fit state to make it home on his own. But he clearly hadn’t been in his right mind, because now he has to lay next to Hinata while he’s _this_ close and sleep-rumpled and huggable and the thought of them sleeping side by side like this in Hinata’s _bedroom_ seems to frightfully domestic and intimate that it knocks the breath from his lungs.

This is not sharing separate futons on a classroom floor in Tokyo with umpteen other guys around them snoring and god knows what else. This is them in the privacy of their own room, sleeping _together_ , not next to each other. It’s also the first time they’ve even slept in the same room for months and certainly the first since the incident in the storage room. 

They’ve yet to have a private sleepover like this since they become boyfriends and Kageyama is starting to see why that might have been a good idea. Hinata’s bedhead and his small nose and pink mouth - which is currently drooling all over his pillow - is so close to him and there’s nothing stopping him from just _staring_.

Hinata stirs and yawns and Kageyama feels his heart stutter as he’s faced with his open eyes, brown and still laced with sleep. 

“Hey,” he mumbles. “You feeling any better?”

Kageyama nods dumbly.

“That’s awesome,” he mutters, sated and gorgeous in a way no one should look first thing in the morning. 

And _that_ startles Kageyama into full alertness because he’s thought of Hinata as many things over time; irritating, fierce, talented, stubborn, greedy, adorable, but never _gorgeous_. 

But now that he takes the time to just stare with no distractions in the way, he doesn't know how he didn’t see it before. The smoothness of his skin, the thickness of his hair and its bright imposing colour. The tiniest hints of visible muscle on his little frame, the teasing curve of his mouth whenever he wants to piss Kageyama off. His stupidly large eyes that don't seem to hold anything back for better or for worse. The individual dots have always been there in inaccessible isolation, but once he’s pieced them together, there’s no other word for it. 

“This is, uh…” Hinata starts, a little bashful. “This is kinda awesome, right? Having a sleepover just the two of us?”

Right now, Kageyama thinks it’s the exact opposite of awesome and is far more similar to _driving him crazy._

“Yeah…” he says instead, because he knows Hinata will get the wrong idea if he tells him the truth. 

With the same sort of instinct that drew him to tracing Hinata’s neck in the storage room, he reaches out a hand and lightly runs the back of one finger across the exposed skin of Hinata’s forearm. He notices the fine hairs there stand on end a little as he does so and just like that, the mood is drastically different. 

Hinata looks him in the eye and his breathing depends. Kageyama wants nothing more than to have their breaths mixing together like they had before. But they’re not in public where they have to be careful. They’re here, in Hinata’s bed and it’s a territory he’s nowhere near ready to contemplate. Hinata had said he wanted horizontal kissing but the prospect of that now seems too real. 

And yet…

They lock eyes in a gaze that speaks more words than Kageyama knows and he _feels_ the moment both of their muscles shift through a mutually agreed upon need. 

The second they make an attempt to move closer together, however, Kageyama hears his phone ring. 

“Shit!” he grits out. “That’ll be my mom.”

“You should answer it,” Hinata says breathlessly. “She’ll be worried about you.”

Kageyama nods and fishes his phone out of the pocket of his jeans crumpled on the floor next to him. 

“Hello?” he says, and tries his best to get through the conversation as quickly as humanly possible so he can stick his head under a cold shower. “She’s coming to get me,” he tells Hinata once he hangs up. 

Hinata nods and Kageyama can’t tell if he’s disappointed or not that they didn’t have a chance to pick up where their minds clearly left off. He decides that ignoring it is definitely the sensible thing to do.

“I’m gonna, um…” he motions around the room to try and indicate s general path between the bathroom and his clothes on the floor. 

Hinata nods, biting his lip and looking to the ground. As soon as Kageyama makes a move, however, he reaches out and takes him by the wrist as gently as he can.

It startles Kageyama a little, but not nearly as much as the focused look in Hinata’s eye does when he scoots closer to him, shifts up onto his knees, cups Kageyama’s face in his hands and kisses him. 

It’s not a kiss with an invitation for more kissing. It’s just a single, drawn-out, luxurious press of his mouth that makes Kageyama’s toes curl.

When he pulls back, Kageyama feels foggy and lazy and he’s long forgotten about the discomfort in his tooth. 

“I’ll um… see you at school on Monday?” he asks, as though he wasn't just the one who melted Kageyama’s higher brain function. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I’ll leave your present on the side okay?”

* * *

He thanks every single god in the world that his mother has the day shift and that the second she drops him off at home, she’s back out the door with a kiss and a wave. 

He charges up to his room, his blood roaring in his veins, throws his bag onto his bedroom floor and flops himself face-first into his bed. He grips his pillow in his hands and huffs and long, frustrated breath into it as though it’s Hinata’s hair. 

His hips are pressed against his mattress and despite his efforts to ignore it, he’s hard enough in his jeans that any movement he makes just causes him to rub against _something_.

He has no idea what’s possessed him to behave like this, to have so little control over his own body. It’s certainly not the first time he’s been hard - far from it, but it’s the first time in living memory that he can recall being hard because of another human being. 

He shoves his face further into his pillow, grips it and rocks his hips down just once - just to see - the memory of Hinata’s arm under his finger right there alongside the press of the bed beneath him. 

That one single movement trumps any feeling he’s ever had from any orgasm in his life. Getting off is usually a necessity; one with a fairly pleasant ending, granted, but a necessity nonetheless. It’s just easier to get off in the morning when he needs to rather than try and wait for the problem to go away by itself.

And it’s always felt fairly good - as good as an orgasm usually feels - but good and _great_ are two sides of the spectrum apparently. He’s always approached those hushed whispers here and there about how _amazing_ sex feels with a decent amount of suspicion, because either those people don’t know what they’re talking about, or there’s something drastically wrong in the way he’s been getting himself off all these years when he’s needed to. 

What he’s been doing wrong, apparently, is not having a distracting, maddening red-headed menace for a boyfriend to take over his thoughts as he does it.

For the first time in his life, he decides to hell with control and rocks his hips down a second time, Hinata’s coy smile behind his eyelids as he does so, and the smell of him raw and filthy in the storage room filling his head. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever been this hard in his entire life, and he’s certainly never been this close this soon. He’s been riled up and crazy since leaving Hinata’s house and he wants to tear at something to calm the thrumming in his ears. 

He growls pathetically into the pillow, the friction no longer enough to satisfy him. He turns over and feels the heat in his cheeks from the pillow as well as how turned on he is. He’s literally about to die from how warm it is in his room, but he’s not wasting a single second on taking off his shirt, not when he needs to get his pants undone _now._

He pulls his jeans down just enough to palm himself over his underwear and his hips buck up at the sensation. He didn’t even know he could feel this sensitive, how is it even _possible_? 

He rubs himself a couple more times and tries to calm the hell down, but finds his fist making its way to his mouth before he knows it. He bites down and screws his eyes shut as he slips his hand into his underwear, feeling not only how hot and hard, but how _wet_ he is already. 

There is no way he’s going to be here very long at this rate. 

He breathes as evenly as he can and rubs and strokes himself at the uncomfortable angle but any thoughts of readjusting seem physically impossible. 

Now that his eyes are closed, he can visualise Hianta’s panty little mouth as he’d kissed him just a week or so ago, his hands fisted in his shirt. He _wants_ them in his hair. In his fantasy, Hinata puts his own hands into Kageyama’s hair and clings on tight. He has to come up onto his toes to do it. Kageyama’s hands move from Hinata’s hair to his skinny waist and he knows Hinata is ticklish there. 

He thinks to the couple in the romance movie and how they’d held and gripped each other. How there had been fingers digging into shoulders and arms and strong hands pressed into waists and thighs. 

The TV had been on mute, but when Kageyama had kissed Hinata he’d let out the tiniest sound and he wonders if that’s the end of it or if there are countless other kissing noises he could make if they had enough practice and god he’s. _So. Close._

It takes less than ten seconds and the screaming image in his mind of Hinata looking at Kageyama after he’s kissed him in the same way he looks at him before he’s about to be sent the ball, for him to lose. 

He comes all over his hand and the inside of his underwear, _keening_ into his fist and thrusting up desperately, his body singing with how good it feels. He’s twitching and arching and his mouth goes from biting his fist to gaping open, eyes still screwed shut as he makes a mess of himself.

It takes him a good minute or so to gather his senses and for his breath to come back to normal. 

When it does, the first thought that manages to seep through the fogged up recesses of his brain is a long, drawn-out, dumbfounded, _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned beautiful people <3 and please remember that I'm a non manga person so please don't spoil me if you are sweet enough to leave a comment!
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	2. Chapter 2

There’s a current to the air around them in the next week or so that Kageyama doesn't necessarily know what to do with. 

In all the ways that Hinata has become a distraction for him, Kageyama is in no way used to him being a purely _physical_ distraction. With his body, his eyes, his mouth. Perhaps he occasionally stops to marvel at how small everything about him looks. Perhaps he feels the itch to hold him close right under his chin. But he’s never been driven to distraction while looking at Hinata simply because he had been the very thing that Kageyama imagined and pictured _so_ vividly whilst experiencing the most intense and best orgasm of his life so far. 

Kageyama’s been told that he has, according to Tanaka, what’s called a _resting bitch face_. As far as he’s aware, that means that wherever he’s feeling neutral, his face is still fairly agitated. Which makes sense, because while he’s on the court, his senses are too busy dissecting every little detail of what’s around him to be able to remember to do things like smile. 

But where he once grew apprehensive that it might be making him slightly less likeable amongst the new recruits, he now feels a belated sense of gratitude knowing that perhaps his stoic expression will at least partially protect him from revealing just how much Hinata has been on his mind recently. 

He’s been too embarrassed to actively try jerking off to the image of his boyfriend again, and they haven’t had another evening together since Hinata’s birthday to get him as riled up as before. But that doesn’t mean that his imagination, for whatever that’s worth, isn’t doing a magical job of filling in those evenings for him. 

The first day back after the weekend, Hinata runs up to him by the bikes with a breathy, _hey, sorry_. Kageyama nearly loses his composure on the spot as he fails to stop the mental image of Hinata in his head from a couple of nights prior, merging with the high, breathy, panting tone of him now. 

There seems to be a new thing to notice every single day. If it’s not his sweat, it’s his hands, if it’s not his hands, it’s his calves when he jumps. He’s certain that he must have been dating some other version of Hinata up until now. Some vague shadow or outline where his features were blurred and the details not quite filled in right. There’s no way he’s gone over a year playing alongside him without these seemingly minute details attacking him from every angle and making him crave abandoning his embarrassment completely to moan into his pillow every night as he rocks against his bed. 

Hinata may be an idiot, but he’s annoyingly perceptive at the precise moments when people usually don't want him to be. And Kageyama doesn’t think that he’s smart enough to figure out what Kageyama did the second he was alone after leaving Hinata’s house, but there’s certainly a glint in his eye that Kageyama hasn’t noticed before. 

And Kageyama has sort of made it his business to notice everything about Hinata.

It’s a slightly more pronounced curve of his lip when he catches Kageyama looking at him during meetings. It’s him meeting his gaze in fleeting but stupefying moments in between the points they win on the court. It’s him letting his wide-eyed gaze flick to Kageyma’s mouth now and then when they’re leaning against the wall of the school and enjoying their lunch in the precious bits of shade they can find. It’s him biting his lip ever so slightly when Kageyama stretches out his arms at the end of a session. 

Kageyama has a sneaky suspicion, though he has no real proof to back it up, that maybe this is nothing new. That Hinata has had this simmering in him for a while now. Has been _watching_ him like this for a while, but Kageyama hasn’t had the proper context to know that it’s been right in front of him.

Individually, those moments are harmless. It’s only when they’re joined together, little innocent drops of gasoline here and there, but far too close to each other, that the mere presence of heat could threaten to burn everything. Because both he and Hinata must know, in that strange and twisted non-verbal language that they know, that something will surely break sooner or later. 

And it seems logical to assume, that if Kageyama is thinking about Hinata in a sexual way, if he’s getting off to thinking about Hinata gasping and moaning and sweaty and tangled up in him, and if Hinata is possibly thinking about those things too, then the next step is perfectly obvious. 

The next time they’re alone together, sex is likely going to happen. 

Not that he has much of a clue what that actually entails past… vague and shadowy concepts of bodies pressed together and, hopefully, both people ending up satisfied by the end. But he assumes that Hinata is more than an authority on anything they might need to know.

Unless, of course, he’s not, and then they’re in big trouble.

And then it occurs to Kageyama that the next time they’re going to be alone together, the next time they actually have a _date_ planned, including some sort of food at one of the four restaurants available to them in town, maybe a walk around the neighbourhood and then an evening _alone_ , will be at the end of this week on Hinata’s actual birthday. His mother will be away and Natsu has been given permission to stay at a friends house for one of the first times ever. 

Which means that after their date, there will be nothing stopping them from languidly making their way back to Hinata’s house - or racing, as will most likely be the case - slipping off their shoes, puttering around the kitchen for some water and _another_ snack, before making their way up to Hinata’s room for… sex things to happen. 

Kageyama is fairly certain he knows what’s expected of them once they get there. He’s not watched much porn, but the stuff he has seen, albeit between a man and a woman most of the time, is fairly self-explanatory and even if it wasn’t, he’s really not _that_ much of an idiot to not be able to fit two and two together, figuratively and literally. 

Except there is something to be said for the fact that he didn’t think about sex much at _all_ growing up, let alone sex with another boy, and he doesn’t really know where stands with knowing how to deal with that. His fantasies concerning Hinata are still way too abstract to form real scenarios and shapes; they’re mostly an amalgamation of hands, breaths, wide eyes, and Hinata’s cute but annoying voice in his ear. 

Abstract doesn’t really begin to cover understanding what he’s supposed to do once he’s alone with Hinata. His body is clearly telling him that sex with Hinata is what he should be doing, it would just be nice if it also drew the road map to a list of actions he can memorise and complete in a few days time when he’ll have Hinata’s body in front of him and waiting for things to happen.

They don’t talk about it, because Kageyama thinks he would rather chew his own arm off rather than bring up a conversation of whether or not sex will be happening when they get back from their date. The last thing he needs is to be wound tight as a bowstring all day and ruin the evening in a new and unexpected way. He’s also scolded Hinata countless times on asking for kisses far too often, so he thinks this should also come with a mild dash of spontaneity. 

But in the end, Hinata asks to go for burgers of all things on their date and it throws Kageyama’s bearings off just that little bit. He’d expected volleyball small talk across a half-decent table like most people seem to do on TV, not Hinata half plastered against him in a fast food booth, the smell of the grease and oil mixing with the sweetness of Hinata’s shampoo under Kageyama’s nose. 

It’s harder to act romantic in this scenario, but far easier to act like himself. So in the end, he counts it as a win and chooses to tone down the natural stiffness and awkwardness that accompanies the atmosphere of a date. He manages to relax into the wall of the booth with Hinata tucked as close to him as their respective comfort with public displays of affection reaches to. 

Hinata seems happy in trying to cheekily push Kageyama’s boundaries this one time by not only being close, but also by attempting to engage in some game of footsie and even threading their fingers together under his jacket with his most practised innocent of innocent expressions.

Kageyama graciously allows it, because the “restaurant” is unusually quiet at this time of night and Kageyama’s senses don’t notice anyone in their general surroundings that might see them and think anything unusual about it. It _is_ also Hinata’s birthday and he’s the luckiest brat in the world that Kageyama messed things up so badly at his early party last week, or else he might not be feeling so generous as to have Hinata openly giving him heart eyes from such a close distance.

“You know what we should do one day?” he asks as they lazily waste away their evening in just a cosy quarter of that booth space. 

“Hmm?” Kageyama asks, being sucked into Hinata’s relaxed state.

“On my next birthday we should share some spaghetti. And roll the meatballs across the plate to each other and then accidentally pick up the same string so it makes us kiss.”

“What are you talking about?” Kageyama chuckles, running a thumb across the back of Hinata’s hand under the jacket. 

“You know,” Hinata whines, puppy dog eyes and all. “Like in that movie, _Lady and the Tramp_. Did you never see it growing up? Natsu was allowed to stream it recently and she loves all the dogs.

“I think I might have heard of it, but not seen it. I don't even know where we could get spaghetti around here, Hinata.”

“We should go to Italy then and buy some,” he suggests as easily as though he’s saying _send me another one_.

“Sure, you moron,” Kageyama says without any heat. “Let’s go all the way to Italy rather than see if there are any foreign restaurants in Sendai or something.”

“I want the authentic experience,” he grumbles. 

Kageyama frowns. “Is that movie even set in Italy?” he asks. Hinata looks contemplative all of a sudden. A dangerous look on him.

“No, actually,” he admits, “I think it’s set in America. Looks like that’s where we have to go for romantic spaghetti kisses.”

“That’s pretty far away, dummy.”

“That’s alright, Kageyama, I’ll hold your hand so you don’t get lost,” he teases. Kageyama gives him a side eye that tells him that if they were alone, he’d earn a slap for that one. “Plus, it’s over a year, we have plenty of time to organise it.”

The contentment rolls through him like a gentle wave as the weight behind Hinata’s words sink in. That already, just a few months in, he’s discussing what they’ll be doing 12 months from now as though their future is a protected artefact hidden behind a glass case in a museum. 

Kageyama squeezes his hand and lets himself bask in that feeling. He blames his sappiness from the fatigue after eating all that greasy food. 

Hinata smiles down at their hidden hands and squeezes Kageyama’s fingers lightly before trailing his gaze up to his face. His eyes dance around slightly at such a close distance, trying to find a spot to gaze on and they finally settle on Kageyama’s mouth. 

There’s nothing lewd about the way he’s looking at him, but Kageyama feels the longing under the sweetness. It’s been nearly a week since they’ve been alone together and having Hinata looking at him like that is providing him with the perfect reminder that kissing him sounds like the best idea on the planet. 

Hinata seems to agree because he blinks up to look at him properly, starry-eyed, and clearly oblivious to another living thing and murmurs, “You wanna get going?” 

It’s only then that Kageyama registers that there are even fewer people in the room and the setting sun out the window, a world away from their cocoon. He doesn't even recall the last time Hinata was able to sit this still and this relaxed for this long.

“Sure,” he murmurs back.

* * *

He’s supposed to be staying the night, but Kageyama doesn't get ready for bed straight away. It feels too much like an invitation to something and he’s not sure exactly what it is. They do, however, take turns using the bathroom to brush their teeth and check to make sure the outside doors are locked before they return to Hinata’s room, presumably to stay there for the night. 

Hinata, of course, is practically glowing from the domesticity of all of it. And if he wasn’t feeling the regular thrum of unease at being in someone else’s space for the night, maybe Kageyama would find it in him to also indulge in the fact that this will be their first official sleepover together as boyfriends. Of course, he has technically spent here before, but he’d been ill and too comatose to let his unease register. Now, however, he’s annoyingly present.

When he comes back from the bathroom, he finds Hinata sitting cross-legged on his futon, clearly excited, but in the way that a puppy gets excited before going down the stairs. There’s definitely a trepidation to it. 

Kageyama approaches him and shifts from one foot to the other like an idiot, before just dropping to the futon beside Hinata, his legs twisted at an awkward angle. He adjusts them as gracefully as he can and pointedly does not look at Hinata, which might actually be making the situation that little bit more awkward.

“You wanna play some games?” Hinata asks. “It’s still not too late, we can put the console on for a bit?”

Kageyama nods, but doesn’t move. Just holds his hands together in front of himself and looks between Hinata and the floor. He almost wishes Hinata had a bed rather than a futon so he could at least swing his legs a little to distract himself.

But instead of getting up and fetching the controllers, Hinata just shifts - not very subtly - closer to him. He looks more excited than skittish now and even an idiot like Kageyama can’t mistake his trajectory for anything other than what it is. Hinata has room for one thought at a time and right now, the thought that's driving his sanity is Kageyama’s mouth. At least that’s what his eyes are telling him with how they’re flicking between Kageyama’s eyes and his lips without much finesse, which can only mean he doesn’t realise he’s doing it. 

The second that Hinata is close enough that Kageyama feels the whiff of that cotton candy smell dancing under his nose, he feels his tension evaporate just that tiny bit. Hinata moves painfully slowly and sidles up next to Kageyama so their shoulders brush before he ever looks like he’ll move in for a kiss. 

It’s so interesting, Kageyama thinks, how many different ways there are to kiss. They’ve still only touched the tip of the iceberg with the kinds of kissing they’ve done and the amount that they’ve done it. But the lack of regularity definitely has the ability to throw him through a loop sometimes. How the need to kiss Hinata sometimes sneaks up on him like a tiger and sets its claws into his throat without warning. How sometimes he feels it overwhelm him inch by inch like his body is sinking into a warm bath and the heat is nothing but Hinata’s smile. Sometimes it’s less of a desperate need and more of a pleasant want, the way he might crave something sweet after a delicious meal. 

He doesn’t know how many years they’ll have to kiss in order to find out how many ways it’s possible to want to be close to someone. But he wants to find out. 

He meets Hinata halfway… okay maybe only thirty percent of the way, but he definitely feels himself move, albeit with far less of the bravado that he exhibited back at school in the dusty, filthy storeroom. He hates that he’s so inconsistent, but maybe it has something to do with knowing where this is leading this time around.

They both breathe out at the same time when their lips meet and Kageyama feels the smallest curl of Hinata’s lip where he’s smiling. Such an instinctual response from him now and it eases the tension in Kageyama’s shoulders a little bit more. 

Without pulling back, Hinata scooches even closer so there isn’t a single inch of space between his and Kageyama’s shoulders. Where Kageyama is still hunched over more than usual, Hinata is able to put an arm around him without sitting up much at all. Kageyama feels his strong fingertips squeeze his arm where he’s wrapped himself around Kageyama’s entire back and he can’t help but smile a little in return. 

Hinata breaks the kiss and tilts his eyes up. They’ve only left the lamp on in the room and Kageyama is sort of glad of it now, what with how warm the brown tones in Hinata’s eyes look from it.

Hinata smiles fully at him and they lean for a second kiss, a little less hesitant than the first. Kageyama thinks he’s allowed to be hesitant for what is about to be the first kissing _with intention_ that they’ve done alone and with a perfectly capable horizontal surface to continue the kissing on _and more_. 

He puts the _more_ out of his head and focuses on what’s right in front of him. His boyfriend and his arm around his shoulders, his unoccupied hand now coming up to cup Kageyama’s cheek. They kiss a little bit deeper, but not by much. Hinata is still definitely testing Kageyama’s unpredictable waters and he can’t believe Hinata has this much restraint. It wouldn’t kill him to show some of that capability when they play.

They share a couple more tender kisses, with Hinata stroking Kageyama’s cheek with his thumb, before Kageyama feels at ease enough to put an arm around Hinata’s waist and grip him there. Not hard, but tight enough that Hinata knows it was on purpose. He lets Kageyama know that he knows it with the barest hint of a squeak that Kageyama will be thinking about for _weeks_. 

He brings his other hand to Hinata’s chin and touches him as lightly as he can. Hinata sighs into his mouth like he’s been given a mug of hot chocolate. It’s pretty helpful that he’s such a vocal person in general, especially in situations like that. Kageyama wonders if there’s anything they could do that he _wouldn’t_ like.

He kisses Hinata a little bit deeper, testing the waters for himself and seeing how far his nerves will take him. Hinata’s mouth is warmer now under the pressure and the friction, and where he’s touching his face, Kageyama can feel his cheeks heating slightly. 

They part with a loud exhale of breath and before Kageyama can go back in, Hinata breaths, “Turn, can you— this way…” 

He pulls lightly on Kageyama’s t-shirt and Kageyama follows the instruction he _thinks_ he’s being given, which is to face Hinata, rather than sit parallel to him. It’s the right guess apparently, because Hinata puts his hands into Kageyama’s shirt and takes his mouth again with a pleased sound. It’s definitely a much easier angle on his neck. 

He rewards himself for not freaking out thus far by angling his head and pressing a little deeper still, his nose now making a little indentation in Hinata’s cheek. 

He doesn't know what to do with his hands, so he just puts them on Hinata’s crossed legs, the denim on his thighs rough and jarring against his hand. Such a stark contrast to the softness of his mouth and his completely smooth cheeks and chin. Kageyama hopes he never grows hair on his face because the contrast of Hinata being all at once so soft on his face and so sharp and fierce with his eyes is one of Kageyama’s favourite ways to be knocked off balance by him.

Hinata lets out a whimper as Kageyama rubs his thighs. He wasn’t even trying to rile Hinata up by doing it, but it seems to have achieved the same effect, because Hinata becomes greedier with his kisses. _There’s_ the impatience and hunger he knows him for. 

He fists his hands tighter into Kageyama’s shirt and starts to pull back more frequently to adjust the angle every few seconds, taking what he wants from Kageyama’s mouth. 

Kageyama adjusts himself just momentarily to stop his leg from cramping up and the forward movement must mess with Hinata’s centre of gravity. Kageyama feels his lips disappear for a second and when he opens his eyes, Hinata is leaning back on one hand, having prevented himself from falling flat on his back. He has the other hand still in Kageyama’s shirt and an expression no less interested in continuing. 

Kageyama doesn't wait for him to sit up, just leans forward to kiss him again, ignoring the odd forty-five-degree angle they’ve found themselves in. Hinata has no problem fixing that equation, seeing as he melts the rest of the way to the ground and has his back flat on the futon in seconds, one hand in Kageyama’s shirt, the other holding onto his shoulder. 

It’s not a position he was discounting completely, but now that he’s here, it doesn't feel quite like he thought it might. He’s always been proud of his physical build and how his size gives him an advantage on the court, especially considering his age. And since dating Hinata, he’s loved the fact that it makes him feel like they fit together so much better than if he was a little bit shorter or if Hinata was a little bit taller. 

But now, he just feels awkwardly large, taking up too much space, being disproportionately overbearing compared to Hinata’s smaller frame. It’s a strange role reversal that doesn’t quite sit right with him. He’s half sitting, half leaning over Hinata to kiss him and the way he has to hunch over to make it possible makes him feel like a clumsy giant next to someone who feels very content, laying there comfortable and small and having the living daylights kissed out of him. 

Kageyama decides to set his feelings of unease to one side as he pulls back and dives back in with a deep kiss that finally makes Hinata moan. It makes all the nerves worth it just to hear that noise and it even makes him start to feel _good_. 

He needs to hear more of that, breathe Hinata in until he’s just sounds and gasps and his kicky legs squirming around on the futon from Kageyama’s kisses. 

He comes down on one elbow and puts the other hand in Hinata’s hair. He seemed to like that last time and Kageyama is nothing if not a devil for detail. It works like a charm and the second his hands thread into that mess of curls, Hinata melts in under him completely, clutching at whatever he can reach.

It makes Kageyama lose _his_ balance this time and he falls onto his side, half his mouth coming free from where it’s made a wet, panty mess of Hinata’s. Hinata takes a second to look him in the eye, taking in their new position and they stare at each other side by side. Hinata’s eyes are basically non-existent at this point, completely taken hostage by how dark and huge his pupils are. 

It’s Hinata who takes the lead this time, kissing him loudly and deeply. He’s not moaning now, but he seems focused, and there are countless other sounds filling the room. 

The movement of his legs against the futon sheets, the slap of both their lips as they move in and out, the involuntary sounds of exertion that can only be caused by holding your breath for seconds too long because yes, Kageyama is actually forgetting to breathe through his nose on occasion. He’s feeling the kisses on the very tips of his lips. They’re tingling in a way that they haven’t been able to from any of their shorter kissing sessions. 

Because this definitely isn’t kissing now. This is making out. And it’s making the world around him turn to a fog of sensation and unreality. 

It’s perhaps that unreality that causes him to space out long enough that he finds himself rolled onto his back and he feels a weight around his thigh where Hinata is now half kneeling, half straddling him. There’s no way Hinata even remotely rolled them on purpose, because he’s doing that thing that he does on the court where his movements are like liquid, fuelled completely by animal instinct.

Both his hands are in Kageyama’s hair and he is moaning now, which means he’s either stopped trying to hold back or he hasn’t noticed he’s doing it. Kageyama meets every one of his starving kisses, attempting to keep the broken rhythm that they’ve sort set. There isn’t a lick of space between their faces and when Kageyama brings his hands to Hinata’s back - a little warmer now from the exertion and his heart pumping the blood around his body with renewed fervour - there isn’t a lick of space between their bodies either. 

He knows, in some distant part of his brain that’s still able to think things through, that this is the part that feels like it resembles sex the most. One of them on top of the other, bodies flushed and touching, hands in hair, moans against lips and cheeks. This is actually going to happen. Hinata is going to have sex with him tonight. 

Kageyama feels Hinata’s tongue slide into his mouth and he’s actually missed since they last kissed like this. Every time it touches a new and secret part of his mouth it makes Kageyama want to jump like he’s been given static shock. 

He feels… strangely calm. As though there are two of him. One lying beneath Hinata and having his mouth thoroughly explored by his gorgeous boyfriend, and the other one a separate entity that’s watching the scene unfold below him. 

He does his best to turn his focus to the Kageyama living inside his body. He focuses on the feel of Hinata’s heartbeat through his back and on the puffs of air coming out through his nose. He focuses on everything about being here that makes him feel _amazing_.

He can be just like everyone else. He can have sex with his boyfriend just like any other guy. His body wants it, Hinata wants it. He’s going to enjoy it.

Which is the precise moment when Hinata’s full weight comes down onto him and as his legs and hips shift to accommodate his new position, and Kageyama feels Hinata hard in his jeans, pressing directly into his thigh. 

The very real and unavoidable proof of Hinata’s want to have sex with him.

“You okay?” Hinata asks. They haven’t spoken in long minutes and his voice is unrecognisable. He looks startled and Kageyama belatedly releases that it’s because he’s seized up underneath him and his palms on Hinata’s back haven’t moved a muscle for several seconds, the fingers just digging into the muscle there. 

He’s never felt afraid in Hinata’s presence before. Not a single time. And feeling it now, around the one person who consistently makes him feel _unafraid_ , brings a sickness to his stomach.

His eyes dart down to the source of his panic and Hinata blinks down at his gaze.

“Oh crap, sorry about that,” he says in a hushed, breathy laugh. “I uh… I guess you know about how that goes too, right? No surprises there.”

He looks a little embarrassed and nervous, but not afraid. Why doesn’t that make him feel better?

Kageyama’s eyes are wide with shock and Hinata finally notices that they’re firmly not on the same page.

He goes from shy to concerned in second. “Wait, are you freaking out?” he asks, and lifts his hips a little so Kageyama isn’t actually feeling it anymore. He looks between his own lap and Kageyama’s face, clearly puzzled. “Yours does do the same thing, doesn’t it? It should work the sa—”

“—I want to stop.” It’s the first proper sentence he’s spoken since they got into this room.

“... We _have_ stopped.” Hinata tells him, slowly and quietly and still with a concerned crease in his brow.

If he had any tact left in him, he might have acted differently in hindsight. But he’s not tactful even on a good day, let alone when his common sense is clouded by a mixture of previously slowly building arousal and the recent onslaught of pure unbridled anxiety that rips through him so loud that even he hears his own heart in the silence they’ve left.

His muscles lock up and he wriggles out from under Hinata as though he’s been trapped and pinned by some wild animal. There’s nowhere really for him to go in this position, and all he accomplishes is curling up against the wall behind him. Hinata makes his escape fairly easy, and he’s even sat up a little and moved away so Kageyama can get away without much issue.

But he _does_ look slightly scared now. That also makes Kageyama feel worse. _Everything_ makes him feel worse. So he does the one thing he can think of to even marginally improve the situation.

“I just— I—” he starts, “I need to go.”

“Woah, hey, wait.” Hinata sits up on his haunches as Kageyama scrambles in getting up off the futon.

“I have to… I…”

“Kageyama, wait…” He looks down to see Hinata’s brown eyes pleading with him. He doesn’t know what for, but it’s enough to make him stop in his tracks. 

“At least let me walk you downstairs…” he says in a hushed voice. 

His crestfallen expression and deflated hunched body finally part the fog of his panic. 

“Okay…” he says.

* * *

There are no buses at this hour, so he runs all the way home and it nearly kills him. By the time he gets through the front door, he’s panting and sweating, but it’s done the job in ridding him of the pent up aggression and adrenaline that had simmered under his skin following his freak out. He can finally think straight again. 

He goes up to his room and finds a plethora of messages from Hinata already. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _are you okay?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _are you having a boyfriend panic?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _are you dead?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _i’m fine._

He’s not fine. He feels like shit. He feels like a failure yet again who seized up and flaked out at the first feel of his boyfriend’s hard on as though it was some kind of poisonous plant. Even though he had no issues getting off to the thought of him just a few days ago. 

But apparently, the very real and physical presence of him against his body, against his leg, arms and legs and kisses all over him, is so very much not the same as having him in the safe confines of his own imagination. Seeing the physical evidence of Hinata’s desire, the very embodiment of the words _I want you_ right in front of him and leaving him with nowhere for him to run, had felt nothing like the burn of arousal he’d experienced alone in his own bed. 

There’s too much expectation, not enough time to _think_.

He sees Hinata typing out a message the second he sends his own. He’s been waiting for Kageyama to respond. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _okay…_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _did i do something wrong?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _are you mad at me?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _NO_

He doesn’t mean for it to come out so aggressive but it’s too late now. And at least Hinata will know he means it.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _okay, cool_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _do you not want to talk?_

He’s not thinking straight. Not at all. He’s thinking of Hinata’s confused puppy dog eyes as he bolted out of his house earlier and the empty space he’s left on his futon with no explanation. He’s tired from his run and even more tired from letting Hinata downtime and time again and it’s that in the end that causes him to type:

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Hinata, i don't want to have sex_

Before wishing that he could retract the message immediately. What is he _thinking?_

There’s a tangle of confusion during which they type over each other, messages appearing in the wrong order and one of them just needs to stop for a second.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _EVER?!_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _NO_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _just not right now_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _i didn’t mean that!_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _that’s totally cool!_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _not today_

He’s never been that good at texting. Maybe he should have stayed and talked it out instead. Though without knowing what words to use, that also seems entirely impossible.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _oH_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _well duh_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I could have told you that_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _i don't wanna either_

Kageyama blinks rapidly at his phone.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _really?_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _really what?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _you don't want to have sex?_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _of course i do, dummy! But i wanna make sure i’m awesome at it! I gotta be in the zone_

Kageyama nearly throws his phone out of the window or flushes it down the toilet or any of the other ways in which he can dispose of the evidence of his stupidity. 

Has he seriously read the situation so badly? Have all of Hinata’s hungry eyes and brushes of his hand against Kageyama’s fingers and his hands in his hair and his _hard-on against his leg_ all completely meaningless?

He doesn't even realise how long he’s been silent and contemplating until he looks down and sees four missed messages. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _oh god you ARE having a boyfriend panic aren’t u???_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _pls let me call???_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _can i call???_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _i’m calling_

He doesn’t have the chance to even respond before the phone is ringing. 

“What do you mean you have to be _in the zone_?” is the first question he asks for some reason. “What’s the _zone_?”

“Is that why you were so freaked out earlier? Because you thought we were gonna have sex? Why would you think that?” God, he hates being given an answer in the form of a question, but Hinata is probably within his rights to ask, seeing as he’s the one currently sitting on an empty futon where he’d been happily making out with his boyfriend earlier on.

“I felt your— I mean, you were—” 

He’s never been more grateful for anything in his life when Hinata speaks up on the other end of the line.

“I mean… that happens all the time… I don’t know about you but mine kind of has a mind of its own. Like, the other day I forgot to put underwear on and I felt a strong breeze across my... well anyway, you know how the rest goes...” 

Kageyama feels his entire existence clog in his throat from how embarrassed he is. He’s changed his mind. He would do anything to stop Hinata talking right now, but he doesn't seem to have any plans to do so. 

“Don’t you just get, you know... like at the most awkward times? Or especially in the morning? It’s not like you wanna have sex with... I don’t know, your _shower curtain_ when that happens, do you?” Kageyama tries very hard not to think about what sex with a shower curtain would look like. He still can’t get his head around what sex with a human being would look like. “Just because it happens, that doesn’t mean you have to have sex, right? Or else I would have had sex every day.”

He has to audacity to let out an outright awkward _giggle_ at that last sentence as though the idea of having sex every day wasn’t something utterly terrifying.

And the frustrating thing is that he’s totally and completely right. But it’s just not the full story, and finding the right words to express it feels like an impossible feat. Like he’s back in his first year playing Shiratorizawa all over again.

“It feels like it’s different when we’re... together...” he attempts to bite out. “I feel like I’m responding to _you_ and your stupid face, not just because it’s the morning.” 

Hinata says nothing and Kageyama has learnt from experience that he’s giving him time to think about what to say next.

He takes a deep breath, wishing he had Hinata in front of him so he could at least _try_ and read the expression on his face. “Hinata, you’re the first person I’m doing these things with... I don’t really know what feels good because it just _feels_ good or what feels good because I want to...” He should probably say it. If they have any chance of getting anywhere with this, he should at least _say_ it. “...to have sex…” 

“Okay, that’s... that’s fair. But like I said, it’s the same for me too, I don’t want to have sex all the time. I don’t want to have sex right _now_. And I definitely didn’t want to have it earlier.”

“I didn’t _know_ that though,” Kageyama says and there’s definitely a hitch in his voice that he tries to ignore. And once it starts, he can’t stop it. “I went to your place and I thought we were going to have sex and I got scared, okay? I’ve been thinking about you all _week_ and fuck, I thought you were too, and you were always _looking_ at me and yeah, I thought that the second we were alone, it was gonna happen. And I was trying not to freak out because…” he can hear his own panting and this voice rising in volume. How has this gotten so out of control within just a couple of minutes? He purposefully inhales and exhales before he finishes with a hushed, “because I’m not ready yet.”

A few beats of silence and then Hinata says, voice clearly smug as hell on the other end of the phone, “You know for someone who's not meant to be a jumper, you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions today.”

Well, it’s official. He’s reached such lows that even Hinata feels he can lecture him on looking like a moron.

“You— you really going to lecture _me_ after all the times you’ve jumped the gun before a big game? Do I need to bring up our first match against Seijou?!”

“Nice try, don’t change the subject.”

Kageyama actually kicks his feet out in frustration at having actually been scolded by Shouyou Hinata, king of drawing conclusions and freakouts. This has got to be some parallel universe.

“Maybe we just—” Hinata starts. “God, I don’t know, maybe just going with the flow isn’t working for us? Let’s face it, if we’ve already messed up on our first try, that’s not a good sign.” He pauses and then says in a hushed, sad tone, “I should have asked you, I… I don’t know, I should have said something—”

“No, I— I shouldn't have assumed, fuck,” Kageyama gets out in a hurry. Of all the things Hinata has ever tried to take the blame for, Kageyama will not let him feel guilty for this. This is _his_ mistake through and through. His stupid misconception and arrogance to believe he knew how Hinata felt about sex. His fault for behaving like the useless virgin that he is and not being able to just get hard and have sex like a normal person. “God, what a fucking mess,” he sighs.

“Hey, hey, it could have been much worse,” Hinata reassures him.

“It also could have gone much better. We were doing fine before I fucked it up.” Three curse words in the span of a few seconds. He really _is_ mad at himself it seems. 

“Maybe it’s good that it happened,” Hinata says. “Maybe we should have actually talked about this ages ago. I’m not really the best at that, so I guess now we’re just forced to get on with it.”

It’s true that they both have their own subtle varieties of communication failure. Hinata for his lack of editing process and compulsion to jump in headfirst into anything with no concept of failure, and Kageyama with his overly analytical brain and tendency to assess for the worst case scenario before everything. 

Quite frankly, it’s a deadly combination and when he thinks about it, maybe Hinata is right that they could have ended up in a much more awkward situation much sooner. 

“I just don’t get it,” he tells Hinata. “You’re one of the most nervous people I know. You shit yourself, _literally_ sometimes, before every big game. You jump out of your skin at scary movies. You hide behind me whenever someone bigger walks up to you. How is none of this freaking you out?”

“What the hell have I got to be scared of with you though?” Hinata asks him without missing even _half_ a beat. “It’s _you_. I trust you. Yeah, it might make me all jittery on the inside sometimes, but what could you ever do that would make me feel scared?”

Kageyama feels his weight slowly sink down and he’s grateful there’s a mattress there to greet him. He’s never believed in stupid phrases like _knees turning to jelly_ but it might be another item on a long list of things he has to reconsider. He can’t keep standing after a declaration like that. He can’t even keep his _eyes_ open. And what’s worse is he doesn’t think Hinata even knows the weight behind those words at all. He just speaks without thinking. He just says everything he means.

“You’re putting a lot of faith in me, you dumbass,” he murmurs, eyes still closed. “Did you forget that I’ve never done this before?”

“And I have?”

Kageyama opens his eyes as if he could actually give Hinata the side eye through the phone. “Well, you definitely have the confidence of someone who’s done it with a hundred different guys…”

“Well, _obviously_ I haven’t! I’ve only done it with myself, dummy.” Kageyama _freezes_. Freezes as though he’s in the passenger seat and a cat just jumped out in front of his mom’s car. He _cannot_ think about Hinata doing _anything_ with himself or their entire conversation about how to have sex one day will be moot if he has a heart attack right here on the spot. 

He needs to get a grip right now. Of _course_ Hinata does those things. Why wouldn’t he when he’s a teenage boy and, unlike Kageyama, doesn’t seem to be phased by the strange and annoying things that the body of a teenage boy does. _He_ was doing it himself not too long ago with Hinata’s flushed face in his mind. 

But just hearing Hinata _admit_ it like that is sending Kageyama spiralling into a new void of _images_. Images which he has a feeling won’t be leaving him for quite some time.

“You okay?” Hinata asks. It makes him jump out of his skin as though Hinata can open his mind like a book and see the images that just flew past his eyelids in a rush of colour. Hinata in his own bed. Hinata in the bath. Hinata with a hand wrapped around himself, _enjoying_ himself.

He grits his teeth, trying to sound as calm as he can. “ _Yes_ , I was _fine_ until you said that, asshole.” Okay, maybe he should work on his calm voice. 

“Ummm… sorry?” 

“Are you, though?” he grumbles. If there was ever a time when Hinata has sounded less sorry, it would be now. Kageyama can see the smirk on his face from across town and he sounds so pleased with himself that Kageyama might actually vow to never have sex with him at _all_.

Hinata lets out a breathy giggle at that, which doesn't do much to make him sound sorry, but it does help to relax Kageyama after the previous shock. 

Still, this is the longest conversation that they’ve ever had on the topic. So while he’s still got his nerve, he might as well try and get somewhere with it. 

“What if I fuck up really badly?” he asks. “Like _really_ badly, Hinata.” It comes out as a bit more vulnerable than he intended. 

“You’re less likely to mess up than I am. You’ve always been really cool and good at _everything_. I…” The optimistic and carefree tone is almost completely gone now with just that one syllable. Kageyama holds his breath to hear what it is that Hinata is clearly trying to get out. “God, what have you got to be worried about when I’m the one that sucks at _everything_ … ”

He sounds so sad. So devastatingly sad. Kageyama feels his heart _shatter_. 

He then remembers Hinata’s earlier texts and whispers, “Is that what you meant by wanting to be awesome at it?”

There’s an uncharacteristic silence on the other end of the line. Kageyama’s not sure he likes it. A silent Hinata usually means a very upset Hinata. 

“Look, it doesn’t matter in the end who’s bad at it or good at it,” Hinata finally says, his voice filled with a confidence Kageyama isn’t entirely sure he buys. “At the end of the day, it’s no different to volleyball.”

Kageyama chuckles without meaning to. “Hinata, it’s different from volleyball in _every way possible_.”

“Of course it’s not. It’s all about _practice makes perfect_. Just like we’ll practise the kissing, we’ll practise the sex. Even if we suck at first, it’s not like we can suck at it forever, right?”

“Please don’t jinx it, you idiot.” He has a feeling that only the two of them could find a way to somehow make sex bad forever. He really doesn’t want to follow that hunch with Hinata’s willingness to tempt fate.

“Well, maybe we’re just making too much of a big deal out of it. I mean how hard can it be really? Everyone does it. Maybe we just need to talk about it more…” 

Kageyama really can’t argue with him there. People have been having sex since the dawn of time. The two of them are not some crazy exception to the rule. And he _does_ want sex with Hinata at some point. But it’s not going to happen overnight. 

And Hinata is right. They need to start with talking.

“If it’s… if it’s really like volleyball, then we need some rules,” Kageyama says.

“Rules?”

“Yeah, like what we can and can't do when we’re alone together. Or just… I don’t know, _boundaries_ or something.” He’s beyond out of his depth here. How can he know what he does and doesn’t want when sex has only been on his mind for all of a few weeks?

“Was the kissing too much for you?” Hinata asks. 

“No…” Kageyama rushes to reply. _That_ much he knows he can say. “No, I… I really like kissing…” It almost embarrasses him to admit it, but that’s the point of all of this. It’s better that they’re embarrassed _now_ rather than be embarrassed when actual sex might be happening.

And already, kissing - something which had also seemed alien to him once upon a time - is something that’s now a normal part of their relationship. Something that makes him feel good. He thinks that with enough time, sex could very possibly feel normal. 

“I like it too…” Hinata breathes. And that heats Kageyama’s cheeks even more. Not the knowledge, but hearing Hinata say it. “But you freaked out when I got on top of you and uh…”

“I was kind of freaking out before that I think.” Because if it’s honesty hour, he might as well do it justice. 

“You big dummy,” Hinata sighs at him, but it sounds more like a hug than a slap. “If I knew, I could have stopped and just given you a cuddle.”

“I know, I’m… I’m really sorry…” He’s caused all of this. Him and his stupid silence and thinking that he can muddle through this relationship blindfolded and gagged and expect to not crash into something eventually. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad that we know what’s up. And I think rules sound awesome. As long as we can carry on kissing, I’m all for the rules!”

Hinata can always be relied upon to make sure their priorities are in order. As long as there’s kissing, everything will be okay. But then he asks, timidly, “So what do we do about the uh…”

Kageyama pauses for thought. He wants to make sure it comes out right the _first_ time. “I think… I think now that I know there’s no… pressure. I think it’s not as big of a deal. It just sort of… caught me off guard.”

There’s an odd sound on the other end of the phone and after a moment it becomes apparent that Hinata is trying to stifle his giggles. Before Kageyama can ask what the hell is so funny, Hinata says through barely contained chuckles, “Did you forget how they work? Don’t worry Kageyama, I’ll give mine a name for you so you can introduce yourselves properly one day…”

He wants to end his existence. _Both_ of theirs.

“Hinata, I swear to God, I will run over there…” 

“I kinda wish you would…” He interrupts softly. Kageyama’s heart stops. “I was really looking forward to having you here…” And he closes his eyes with a long drawn out sigh.

“Fuck, don’t say that… there’s no way I could run all the way back now, I’m exhausted.”

“I know, I know…” Hinata says with an excited hitch to his voice. “Hey, listen, maybe…” Kageyama doesn’t know why he’s pausing but it’s probably because he’s about to say something embarrassing. “Could you leave your phone on maybe? Just put me on speaker and put me on your pillow so it’s like I’m there with you when you go to bed?”

Oh.

So not embarrassing then. 

“Yeah…” he breathes.

He leaves his phone on while he washes up and changes his clothes and when he crawls under the chilly covers, Hinata is still there waiting for him. God, he wishes he’d never come back home. He wants Hinata’s eyes looking at him so badly. 

He lays his phone on the pillow next to him and puts Hinata on loudspeaker like he asked.

“Kageyama…” he hears in the slightly distant tone that lets him know that Hinata is also using loudspeaker. He turns onto his side as though Hinata were really there talking him through this. “Just… I’ll say it as many times as you need okay? Whatever we do, sex isn’t on the table. We make the rules, yeah?”

The amount of times he’s heard Hinata say the word _you_ over the past few weeks is making him slightly nauseous. He’s sick and tired of his own selfishness. Of Hinata having to carry both of their weight throughout this. Because if Kageyama is right about his current hunch, then the confident, carefree and happy-go-lucky version of Hinata that was the one to suggest kissing in the first place, may not be the whole story. 

“And… what do _you_ need?” he murmurs. 

He can tell he’s taken Hinata off guard with how quiet he goes. He wonders if Hinata has fallen asleep already or if Kageyama has really been so negligent with asking his boyfriend what he wants, that he’s stumped for words for the first time ever. 

“I need you to be enjoying yourself,” Hinata finally says. Because of course he’d find a way to deflect and make Kageyama feel better. “That’s what makes me happy. No more quiet freakouts while we’re making out. It makes me sad, okay?”

“Okay…” That much he can at least promise. 

“I want you to be having a good time when we’re together.”

“I will. God, I _do_.” He’s had more good times with Hinata in the past few months than he can remember having in _years_. “But I want to know what _you_ want, dumbass.”

Another silence. But this time, Kageyama reckons Hinata might actually be thinking about a proper answer. All silences sound the same, of course, but it’s just a hunch. “I want it to be right. Not while someone’s worried or stressed. I want both of us to be thinking about how if we don’t do it _right now_ , we might actually die.” 

“Isn’t that how you feel right now though? You always seem really into it...”

“Of course I’m always into it. It’s _you_.” As though it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “But you’ve always said I jump into stuff without thinking. I think maybe you’re right about that.” 

He pauses again and Kageyama doesn’t dare interrupt him. It’s so, _so_ rare that they manage to get to an emotional state where they can talk like this. Where it's not jokes and bickering but raw, uncomfortable truths. Then again, they don’t tend to go to bed to the sound of each other’s voices. Maybe it’s that inch away from sleep that’s what they need to unmuddle their words and feelings.

He feels his throat catch when Hinata speaks again. “If… if it was somebody else, I dunno, maybe I wouldn’t care this much. But I never thought there was a chance with you. I waited months for you, Kageyama. I’m _never_ scared of you. But if I screwed this part up after all that time, I’d be really, really mad.” 

Kageyama closes his eyes. Because there it is. And Kageyama is the biggest idiot on the planet. 

Perhaps not all of it was fake. Perhaps not all of it was false bravado for Kageyama’s sake and to help ease his anxiety. But at least on _some_ level, Kageyama has managed to miss that Hinata is not all wide eyes and blasé attitude and waiting for the moment that Kageyama gives him the green light. He’s not immune to his nerves. He’s also been dealing with insecurity the same way Kageyama has. He’s both the excitable hot-tempered and yes, apparently _horny_ guy that he’s always been, as well as someone who doesn’t feel he measures up.

But Kageyama didn’t know. Because he never even bothered to ask. 

“God, please don’t make fun of me for that,” Hinata says. It’s barely audible, because Kageyama can tell he’s mumbling it into the pillow, probably humiliated by what he just admitted. 

“Hinata…” he sighs. And he just hopes Hinata hears the plea in that sigh for him to never be ashamed around him.

“But yeah, I just… I want more time. That’s… that’s how I think about it. When I think about us. If you’re asking me what I want, then that’s what it is. I wanna wait just like you do.”

He listens to the ticking clock on his wall. Hears the tiniest sound of the wind in the trees outside. And shifts even closer to his phone to hear Hinata’s slow, comforting breathing. “I… I really needed to hear that Hinata,” he whispers. 

“Yeah, well...” Hinata says after clearing his throat. “We can't both be a prude. Silly-yama.”

It wakes Kageyama out of his dreamlike state and he spends the next ten minutes vehemently arguing with Hinata and doing his best to insist that he is _not_ a prude. During which, Hinata cackles and tries to test him with impressively lewd comments that he can only assume he got from Tanaka. After which, he lays there, red faced and tempted to jump out of his window, before admitting to himself that yes, he might have a touch of prudishness about him. And that he’s sure he and Hinata can banish it eventually. If anyone is stubborn enough to do it, they are.

“Can you still hear me?” Hinata asks once they’ve settled down again and have that fatigued, sleep-touched tinge to their voices after murmuring about volleyball and nonsense to each other for the past few minutes. 

“Yes, I can hear you, Hinata, you’re on loudspeaker,” he almost whispers, but makes a valiant effort to slip the irritation in there.

“How about now?”

“ _Yes, Hinata.”_

“Okay good,” Hinata whispers. “This is so awesome.”

Kageyama turns his head into his pillow to hide his smile, forgetting that Hinata isn't actually there to see it.

“Goodnight, Hinata,” he purrs into his pillow.

“Goodnight, Kageyama.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOLOL let's just pretend that we don't see the chapter count go from 3 to 4 shall we? I'm not adding anything to the story, it's just the making out and the freaking out took a little longer than expected xD
> 
> Also sorry about taking a bit of time with this update! I've been busy working away behind the scenes on something very special for Kagehina week which starts June 15th. I've got a prompt that I'm in the plotting stages for and it's going to be a very special project for me <3 Some might say it'll even be a BEAST of a fic (yes, that is a hint haha). Although those of you following me on Twitter will have heard me complaining about it already xD
> 
> As usual gorgeous people, I am a non manga person, so please no spoils for meeeeeeee <3
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	3. Chapter 3

Hinata has always had a way of quelling Kageyama’s quirks, even before they were a couple. Fearless to the point of stupidity sometimes, his outlook on life makes it impossible not to get sucked into his mantra where everything will somehow turn out okay. 

Because now that they’ve had a conversation, and Kageyama’s idiocy and predisposition for overanalysing has been somewhat dealt with, for the time being, it feels like they’re almost starting a brand new relationship.

It would take a miracle for Kageyama to get on Hinata’s level of exuberance, but now that he knows that sex isn’t something that’s automatically going to be expected of him every time they’re alone, that he knows they can just be together without that ticking clock hanging over them, he thinks he finally understands what people get out of the intimate side of a relationship. 

They still stick to spending time at Kageyama’s instead of Hinata’s place mostly because of Natsu, but also because Kageyama knows he’s even more likely to be relaxed and approachable for whatever they decide to try if he’s in his own controlled environment. And in a _bed_ rather than on the floor. 

Hinata had once said that they could make a fort around his futon and pretend it was a treehouse. He’d thought it was romantic and Kageyama didn’t have the guts to tell him he wasn’t a fan of heights, so instead, he called him an idiot and that was the end of that conversation.

Hinata also doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about, because making out, or _practice_ as Hinata had tried to call it at first, (there hadn’t been enough shades of red to describe the colour that Kageyama’s face had gone the first time he’d heard the word _practice_ during their morning meeting and immediately thought of their private practice after school) is ten times better in a bed than on a hard surface. 

It’s all the two of them can think about. They don’t say as much, but Kageyama can tell by the way Hinata tries to subtly ask about his mom’s work schedule. He can tell by the way they talk irritably on the phone about their new _rules_.

It had been Hinata that took the lead there, with Kageyama pitching in when it seemed necessary. Seemed easy enough: hands about the waist at all times unless there’s another _conversation, asking if they wanted to touch somewhere new, and no silent freakouts. The first two he can definitely work with. The third might not come as naturally, but he’s going to try. And after all, he has the world’s best teacher in _going with the flow_._

They don’t get time alone together until a painful and merciless three days after what Hinata has called them _turning over a new leaf_. 

“Hey!” Shouyou says, practically on the balls of his feet with excitement when Kageyama lets him into the house. He takes off his shoes. “Your mom at work?” 

“Yeah.”

“You wanna make out?” he asks, eyes wide and sparkling. 

“Oh my god, _Hinata_ ,” he chokes out with a surprised laugh. It makes him cough and Hinata has to pat him on the back a couple of times.

“Don’t die, Kageyama,” he says casually. “We’ve got some practising to do.”

“I thought we said not to call it that, numbskull.”

“Ah!” he says and looks a little guilty for it. 

They at least _try_ to feign innocence as to why Hinata is there, but he couldn't be patient if he was paid to. At least in the short term. Within five minutes, they’re in Kageyama’s room sitting side by side on the bed, their position almost identical to the one they’d found themselves in on Hinata’s bedroom floor. 

“All good?” Hinata asks and Kageyama nods. 

And this time, Hinata is slightly less of the nervous baby crow sidling up to Kageyama and more the happy puppy let loose with his favourite toy. He grins and makes a pleased, squeaky noise, before putting his two grabby hands on Kageyama’s cheeks, turning his head towards him and kissing him. 

In truth, it does take a few beats for Kageyama’s muscle memory to switch off. The same muscle memory that has taught him over the years to flash red sirens in his brain screaming _someone is touching me_ and that had ruined their last attempt at this. 

The second that he remembers that they’ve discussed it this time - that the only things that are on the table are bright eyes and a sweet mouth and the feeling of Hinata’s heart in every kiss - he begins to relax. It might take a few tries, but he thinks it won’t be impossible for him to retrain his brain pathways to recognise Hinata’s touch as something that should be welcomed _wholeheartedly._

They make out sitting up the first time. Hinata is probably a little hesitant to cause another unpleasant halt to the proceedings and Kageyama thinks it’s probably best not to get too ahead of themselves. The important thing is that he enjoys every single second of it. 

His lips start tingling a couple of minutes in and everything feels twice as heightened once that happens. And without the anxiety, his entire body feels primed for it. Kageyama has his hands on Hinata’s back and Hinata’s hands are in his hair, stroking and massaging. He restrains his voice for as long as he can, but after a few minutes, Kageyama hears those now familiar little noises and shallow pants every time they pull back, only to find each other again. 

It’s not frantic, but it’s certainly indulgent. 

Kageyama’s hands on Hinata’s skinny waist, Hinata’s fingers on his shoulders, the sucking noises of their lips every few moments. He feels himself slipping further and further into the moment and when he _squeezes_ Hinata’s waist, his eyes burst open at the shallow gasp he receives. 

“You okay?” he breaths. It’s not much in terms of this whole communication thing, but it’s a start.

“Yes,” Hinata whispers. “That was… nice…” 

God, he sounds completely out of it. 

Kageyama has no idea why he bothered to ask the question when he’s barely capable of forming a sentence. He vaguely registers Hinata giving him the indication that he liked something he did, only he can’t remember what it was for the life of him. He takes a hopeful guess and tightens his hands around Hinata’s middle once more and asks, “this?”

Hinata makes a small whiny noise through his nose and presses his forehead to Kageyama’s chest as if to hide. The reaction makes Kageyama feel dizzy within seconds and he wraps his hands around Hinata’s waist properly, rather than just holding him there, and squeezes again. 

Hinata turns into a dead weight in his arms as his breaths come faster. 

Kageyama wonders if this is the first time he’s ever really let himself enjoy kissing too. Without having to worry about Kageyama freaking out or about his own insecurities, whatever they may be. Because Kageyama has never seen this kind of reaction from him before over such a seemingly small thing. 

Hinata grabs his face and slides his tongue into his mouth. It makes the kiss that little bit wetter and the sounds it produces make Kageyama’s stomach flip just like it had that day they rode the water log at the theme park. God, he can’t think about that now. Not when Hinata had come off the ride soaked to the bone and his clothes nearly see-through and his cheeks pink and lips red.

He focuses his attention instead on petting and touching Hinata’s waist as his hands continue to stroke and hold onto Kageyama’s hair. Hinata’s t-shirt doesn’t do much to hide how warm his skin is getting beneath Kageyama’s caresses. He’s almost burning through it.

They find a natural lull after a while, neither of them daring to take it in any surprising or new directions just now. But if the glazed over look in Hinata’s eye and his own difficulty in catching his breath is any indication, they’re very much on the same page about doing this as much as possible. 

They share smaller, quieter pecks as the fire slowly dies down. Less greedy and more like a low smouldering collection of embers that they can return to again when the time is right. It’s just as well, because Kageyama’s mom texts him shortly after to let him know that she’s on her way home from work and if there’s anything he needs from the _7-Eleven_. 

It takes them a little while to get a hold of themselves and look like they’ve been doing something other than exactly what they’ve been doing. His mom may not know about them yet, but that doesn’t mean that he’s too keen on her finding out by catching them hot and bothered from their most successful make out session yet. 

Though by the looks of things, he’s in slightly better shape than Hinata if his sudden interest in one of Kageyama’s pillows and his steady breathing is any indication. 

“You, uh…” Kageyama starts, trying to find a good reason for slowly pacing around the room. “You wanna stay for dinner?”

“I… I might, you know… dinner at home… I might…” Kageyama has never seen him quite this lost for words and it instils him with equal parts power and mortification that Hinata can actually be stumped. 

“Yeah…” Kageyama says. He has a sneaky suspicion that dinner is the last thing on Hinata’s mind or the reason why he wants to get home in such a hurry. 

Hinata texts him when he gets home, a quick interaction to find out if Kageyama is having a freakout, to which the answer is of course, no. It might not be a sophisticated level of talking, but Kageyama sleeps easily as though they did nothing more than just hold hands. For once, it had just felt that natural.

* * *

The next time is a few days later and now that they both know how good it can feel when they’re not hiding things from each other, Kageyama finally feels the familiar sensation he associates with excitement. A slightly quicker heartbeat, palms a little sweaty, the hairs on his arms standing up. It’s the same feeling he gets when he knows he’s about to play the best game of his life. 

They wait just long enough for Kageyama to look at the clock to see how much time they have, before Hinata wraps his arms around him. They haven’t even sat down yet, but Hinata gently pulls on the strings of his hoodie to bring their mouths together after struggling to reach him.

“Can we…” Hinata says in short little pants some time later with his hands in Kageyama’s hair and his nose pressed to his cheek, lips already wet from use. “Lie down? I’m uh… getting kinda dizzy…” 

He looks as dizzy as Kageyama feels and he doesn’t know if it’s from his forgetting to breathe or from the way Hinata’s tongue is tracing patterns inside his mouth. He might not necessarily always be talented at everything on his first try, but dammit if Hinata doesn’t put everything he has into learning. Kageyama can already feel the difference after only a few tries at anything other than pecks. It makes his heart throb with confidence that maybe they’ll find a way through this mess together at some point. 

He nods, his breaths coming out just as fast as Hinata’s. He doesn’t trust his own voice and the truth is, he doesn’t have the words anyway. 

Hinata quickly shuffles and his hand drops down when he loses his balance, giving Kageyama a view of him from behind. If there’s anything that was less conducive to calming him down, it would be that. He’s never thought to stare at that part of Hinata before. He doubts he’ll be thinking of much else now.

Hinata lays down on his side and pats the bed next to him. His cheeks are red and his eyes are eager and sparkling. Kageyama chases the flame that is Hinata’s _come hither_ expression like it’s a pavlovian response and lays his longer and thicker body down next to him. 

The small break seems to have curbed Hinata’s relentlessness just a little bit and he takes the time to look Kageyama deep in the eye as he traces his forehead, his nose, his jaw, with the tip of his finger. Kageyama quakes under what might as well be the touch of a feather. He didn’t even know Hinata had it in him for such subtle movements. 

He drops his gaze to Kageyama’s neck for a little while too long.

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama murmurs when he sees Hinata’s eyes glaze over. 

“Nothing…” he says, but he sounds like he’s on another planet. “Another time…”

When his finger moves past Kageyama’s lips, he kisses it without thinking twice, feeling lightheaded at the smallest taste of him. Hinata’s eyes widen at that and leans in, hand threaded in Kageyama’s hair right by his ear. His hand slowly makes its way down to Kageyama’s shoulder, then his back, never knowing where it wants to stop. Kageyama’s hand is just lying awkwardly on his hip, but he doesn’t think Hinata cares. _He_ certainly doesn’t. He feels his cheeks heat with how close they’re laying, the heat between them palpable even though their bodies aren’t actually touching.

“Can I—” Hinata breathes heavily. He slides his hand down to where there’s a slight dip in Kageyama’s waist, but lets his hand just hover above it. “Can I touch you here?”

He nods and closes the gap between them again. His heart physically can’t stand the distance between their mouths. 

Hinata’s hand brushes his waist and Kageyama fidgets at how ticklish he is there. Apparently he didn’t know that. But then again no one has ever tried to touch him with the precision and purpose that Hinata is right now and will do in the future. He rubs at the curve of Kageyama’s waist, up his back and back down again, feeling his way around the muscles there. 

Where Kageyama is laying on his side, there’s a mere centimeter or two of skin exposed between his t-shirt and his jeans and Hinata teases at the skin there, dancing his fingers absentmindedly and gripping at him. 

“You’re shaking,” Hinata whimpers against his mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Kageyama rasps and dives back in again. He puts his own hands to Hinata’s waist. If there’s one thing he is confident in life, it’s patterns. And he’s at least figured out this one. Hinata predictably melts into his spot on the bed and digs his fingers into Kageyama’s skin as their lips slide together. 

He’s been half-hard ever since they laid down and it doesn’t take long for Hinata’s mindless and mischievous fingers on his skin to get him the whole way there. 

It’s only their mouths touching, it really shouldn’t be affecting him this much. 

And yet, he can feel each involuntary twitch of his hips press against his zipper and it makes him whimper. His hands tighten around Hinata further and he feels the fear creep in a little at the thought that he might hurt him. 

The alarm on his phone goes off and tells them that they have fifteen minutes till his mom is home from work. It makes Hinata part from him with a breathy giggle that makes Kageyama’s heart skip. 

He relaxes his neck into the pillow completely and Kageyama doesn’t think there’s anything that could wipe that drowsy smile off his face. He looks insanely turned on even as his body goes loose and pliant thanks to the sound of the alarm that’s brought them back to reality. 

He opens his eyes again to stare straight into Kageyama’s heart. It’s disarming and utterly unfair. His thumb is absentmindedly tracing patterns on Kageyama’s waist still, although with the heat of their kisses out of the equation, it’s more a soothing sort of pleasure than one to further stoke the fire. 

Kageyama takes the time to study his face and brings his finger down the bridge of his nose as gently as he can. Just to prove to himself that he can be gentle with something. If not with people’s feelings, if not with his own words, then with Hinata. With just one touch at least. 

Hinata closes his eyes again and sighs into it, clearly not expecting it. 

“I never noticed you have so many freckles here,” Kageyama says, keeping his voice low. 

Hinata echoes him in his peaceful tone when he says, “The sun.”

Kageyama smiles. Eloquent as always, of course. 

“Yeah,” he says, and keeps the unspoken _you really are,_ for himself. 

* * *

Like everything they’ve done together up until this point; like their friendship and their teamwork and their physical skills, it becomes a learning process. 

People have always told them that magic happens when they’re working towards a goal together and they’re determined to make magic happen in the moments that they’re in Kageyama’s room together. 

Just when they think the immediacy of their private moments together starts to die down through repetition and a growing familiarity, something always manages to surprise one of them that brings that fire right below the surface again. A movement that they didn’t expect or a touch that sends shivers strong enough to make their bones shake. 

He’s managed to learn just one of Hinata’s weaknesses so far and it makes him greedy for all of them. He wants a museum for every single one so he can study them and rinse and repeat until he’s an expert. Hinata, fortunately or unfortunately for him, is as competitive with him as ever and is ever the model student for once in his life. 

He learns things about Kageyama that he would never have thought to hint at or ask for. Like that while licking behind Kageyama’s teeth with his tongue doesn’t do much either way, sucking on his tongue makes his entire body vibrate, even though it _should_ be gross. The day that they both figure out the joys of using their teeth is one that he’s not likely to forget in a hurry. 

He’d started by nibbling Kageyama’s bottom lip with obvious caution while Kageyama threaded his hands through Hinata’s hair. It had made his hips buck obnoxiously and dragged a moan out of him as he rubbed against his jeans. Hinata had smiled against his mouth and tried it again, only this time, his top lip becoming his next mission. When he’d taken it between his teeth, Kageyama’s feet kicked as though he’d been hit in his funny bone and he whined in a way that would humiliate him later.

Each time, they’re a little bit more daring, their comfort slowly building. He feels his heart swell every time Hinata goes home and leaves him with a wicked look and an erection that takes longer and longer to go down each time, rather than the anxiety and dread he used to feel.

The first time that Kageyama jerks off after Hinata goes home is just over a week after their first successful makeout session. 

They’ve graduated from laying on their sides to one of them laying back against the nest of pillows, the other happily resting against their chest while they kiss. They still keep their hips far away from each other, which usually means inventing some interesting angles, but it’s worth it to feel a different kind of intimacy that doing it this way provides them with. 

Hinata continues his gentle assault on his mouth, while Kageyama’s hands slowly rub up and down Hinata’s back as he lays over him, feeling the muscle that he already knows will grow bigger one day. He secretly just hopes that he’ll always be small enough for Kageyama to dwarf him with his palms, his arms, his hugs. 

In one fluid motion, he gently rolls them over so that he’s the one hovering over Hinata now. He’s careful to judge his distance, because one of them has to. Whenever Hinata is in charge of rolling, it’s usually a 50/50 chance as to whether they end up on the floor or not. 

Hinata looks delighted with the proceedings and grabs Kageyama by the side of his neck, encouraging him back to his mouth. Kageyama sighs into it. He loves it both ways; loves being able to put his hands on Hinata’s waist when Hinata’s on top of him, loves that his messy hair tickles his face as it droops down. But there’s also a different kind of kick he gets from having Hinata needy and grabby below him and able to cling to him with his koala arms. 

Kageyama hears him let out a groan that sounds more frustration than pleasure. On instinct, he pulls back with an accidental but delicious, sounding smack. 

“You okay?” He’s even getting better at this part - or he thinks he is at least - reading Hinata and what his different noises might mean. He can do it well enough when they play, so there’s no reason he can’t learn how to do the same here. Not that he knows a thing about what Hinata might need from him, but if he can ask, maybe Hinata will at least be able to moan some half-formed response. 

Hinata _whines_. “Y-your neck,” he says. “It’s… it’s really thick.” 

Yes, that’s definitely his _annoyed_ whine, even if he can tell it’s breathier and thicker than usual. He’s isn’t sure what to make of the statement without any other context. Should he apologise? Or was it supposed to be a compliment? Is it just that Hinata is finding it too difficult to hold onto him? 

But before he has a chance to ask, Hinata squeaks, “Will you freak out if I kiss it?”

So not a complaint then. 

That’s what Hinata’s been gawking at like an idiot for days without saying anything. The few times he’s accidentally touched him there have felt amazing and Hinata must be some kind of genius for suggesting this. Either that or Kageyama’s higher brain function has been sucked out through his mouth for dishing out such praise. 

Nevertheless, teasing Hinata is still his favourite pastime and he can’t help but say, “Only one way to find out, I guess”

Hinata’s eyes go wide. “Well, now _I’m_ gonna freak out!”

Kageyama rolls his eyes, but deep down feels the thrill of the fact that they can joke like this at all. That he can roll his eyes and make fun of Hinata when their mouths are red and wet from friction and their breaths are mingling together. When even a month ago, the thought of kissing at all would have meant using up any mental strength he had to stop his body from locking up with stress. 

Maybe it’s the power he feels from that growing ease between them that causes him to grip Hinata hard with one hand by the point of his chin and turn his head so he’s looking directly into his widened, slightly hysterical eyes and say, “Hinata. Kiss my neck.”

For a second he feels the threat of a cold sweat as he realises how forceful that came out. How maybe he should have said _please_ and if Hinata will think he’s being bossy. But to his surprise, Hinata’s pupils go as wide as his eyes before he has a chance to correct himself or apologise. 

He sees the change in him then, going from surprised to determined to dangerously curious. He puts his hand on the back of Kageyama’s neck and pulls him down, leaving a tentative, closed-mouthed kiss there. 

Kageyama’s body is completely tense above him. He thought Shouyou-no-restraint-Hinata would have practically attacked him with the first hint of permission, but he doesn’t. He leaves tiny little kisses down the hollow of his throat that leave every place he’s touched like it’s burning. 

Finally, after he’s decided that his detour is over, Kageyama feels his mouth open fully and press against the meat of his neck harder and wetter. Kageyama worries that his arms might give out.

It’s like every nerve ending he’s ever possessed is concentrated to the exact spot where Hinata’s mouth is. It never stays in one place, so it’s impossible for him to get used to the feeling. The pit of his stomach is flipping with every lick and open-mouthed kiss and Hinata is clearly encouraged by his body language or his breaths or _something_ because he never lets up. He’s quite literally making out with Kageyama’s neck, quietly moaning and delighting in his task.

And then his trail leads him to a tiny spot at the bottom of his throat where his neck meets his collarbone and the second his lips land there, Kageyama lets out a pained moan that he’s certain he’s never, ever heard from his own mouth before. 

He’s screwed his eyes shut while enjoying Hinata’s slow torture, but he opens them to see him looking up with wide-eyed interest. His eyes flick between Kageyama’s face and the spot he just left. Like a wicked little machine absorbing as much information as possible, and probably with a great deal of pride if Kageyama knows anything about him, he puts his mouth back exactly where it was before. He licks and kisses, giving Kageyama everything he has, everything he’s learnt and all while maintaining eye contact for as long as possible. 

Kageyama isn’t sure, because he screws his eyes shut almost immediately.

He pants and mewls and his knees spasm, causing his feet to jerk where he’s kneeling over Hinata’s body, pretty much relying solely on his arms to keep him upright. 

“Hi…” he pants out, but it sounds more like a puff of hair with the elongated vowel of Hinata’s name attached as an afterthought, “...nata…”

Even to his own ears he sounds _ruined_. 

Hinata has always loved attention. Has loved the sound of someone praising and adoring him. So it doesn’t surprise him that upon hearing Kageyama whimpering his name like a man possessed, he becomes borderline feral and attaches his lips to the new favourite spot he’s found, sucking with a long moan of his own. Like Kageyama is some sort of dessert. 

Kageyama curls in on himself as Hinata keeps his mouth a hot tight vice on that spot. There’s no safeguard against the wave of arousal that runs up his spine, through his abdomen and straight to his dick. He’s already hard, but with every suck and scrape of Hinata’s teeth, he feels it leak into his underwear. 

Hinata pulls back with a choked gasp of someone that definitely forgot to breathe and kisses a long, indulgent line up his neck all the way to his ear. 

“Oh my god,” Kageyama hears him whimper.

He wants to hear more of that voice. It floods his veins with adrenaline and vigour to know that Hinata is in this state because of him. But he can’t bear to hear another sound. Not when he’s shaking like a leaf and barely hanging onto his composure and sanity. 

He sits up with a huff of hair that might very much be a growl. His hand is fisted in Hinata’s t-shirt and the momentum brings Hinata right along with him in one fluid motion. Once he’s sat up in the middle of his bed, he grabs Hinata’s face and crushes their lips together. He can feel Hinata slightly lose his balance but he doesn’t give a shit. He feels him adjust himself the second his brain catches up to their new position and he places his knees on either side of Kageyama’s thighs. 

With each slide, each nip of Kageyama’s bottom lip, he feels the spot in the groove of his throat where Hinata was going to town on him throb as his heart frantically pumps the blood to the surface of his skin. He brings his hands down from Hinata’s face to his shoulders, to his arms in one smooth continuous glide, and just when he’s about to touch his waist—

Their alarm rings. 

Kageyama throws his head back as though it might turn back time. “ _Fuck!_ ” 

Hinata lets out a breathless laugh from somewhere deep in his gut as he continues to cling to Kageyama’s shirt. When Kageyama looks down at him, he feels a tinge of panic at the thought of ever going about his daily life when he knows his boyfriend has the ability to look the way he does now. Mouth pink, eyes watery and glassy and pupils blown wide open, goose pimples all over his arms.

Kageyama gulps and pulls Hinata gently into his arms, hoping his comforting scent will soothe his racing pulse. Hinata snuggles into him like he’s stepping into a warm onsen after a gruelling set of practice games, and hums. 

Kageyama soothes Hinata’s own shallow panting with soft caresses to his back and slowly brings his hands higher and higher until he strokes the back of his neck. 

Hinata squeaks and bucks forward like he’s been given a static shock. 

“Woah…” Kageyama says. He thinks he’s hurt him, until Hinata brings his face into view again and his cheeks are completely red. His hands are holding onto Kageyama tighter than before.

Kageyama’s nerve endings ignite when he realises he might just have found another one of Hinata’s spots. 

“I’m home!” his mom’s voice echoes up the stairs. 

They scramble like mad to get themselves presentable and Kageyama honest to god almost perishes with humiliation and arousal upon seeing the mark on his neck in the mirror. The arousal turns to fury and he nearly kicks Hinata as he’s on his way out the door to go back home.

It takes him a full fifteen minutes to calm down and try to cover up before he’s in a fit state to eat dinner with his mother.

Even then, he can feel the rub and sting of the mark on the collar of the shirt he’s changed into and he makes his toes curl. He catches sight of it in the bathroom mirror as he gets undressed for his evening bath. His skin tingles in a way it doesn't usually _this_ long after Hinata’s gone home. Hinata always has to ride his bike home, so they’re usually pretty cooled off by the time he has to leave, even if it takes them a while. He’s never this affected _hours_ later. 

But everywhere he washes seems sensitive and needy and he doesn't experience the same calm after the storm of Hinata’s kisses. Instead, he _is_ the storm.

He towels off and puts a t-shirt on for bed, not even bothering to put shorts on over what is now a pretty uncomfortable erection. He lays back in his bed and tries to summon the same courage he had when he ordered Hinata to kiss him earlier. The same courage he had when he touched himself thinking of Hinata the first time, even if the need was more immediate than it is right now. 

He hesitates for a moment, not entirely comfortable with the idea of doing this while his mom is in the house, even if she’s already asleep. He picks up his phone to bring up his earlier conversation with Hinata as though he’s still soothing his jitters. 

He reads through their brief list of text messages:

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _That was a close one!_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Yeah…_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _That was our best one yet though I think…_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I think_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I’ll be thinking about that one for a while xD_

He remembers how he’d blushed when he first read it. How he’s blushing right now just thinking about the fact that Hinata probably touches himself on a regular basis after he leaves Kageyama flustered and spinning. 

Phone in one hand, he brings the other to his throat where he knows the mark is and runs his finger across it with caution. The result is immediate. He has to bite his lip to not make a single sound. He feels himself leak just from that one press against the bruise and brings his eyes back to the phone to finish reading the rest of the conversation.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Not too much for you?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _Earlier?_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Definitely not_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Me neither_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I liked it_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _a lot_

It’s not much of a conversation, but it’s been working well for them up until now. They make out, they part ways, and Hinata always makes sure to check on him afterwards. Kageyama had assured him that he doesn't need to every single time, but he’s being thorough in the same way he is about anything he cares about. 

He doesn’t mean to picture anything in particular, but Hinata’s flushed face from earlier comes to the forefront as he’d bucked and squirmed in Kageyama’s lap. He knows now what he sounds like when he’s turned on. Has heard multiple whimpers and moans from him and he’s sure he’s only scratched the surface. 

He thinks about Hinata’s broken squeak when he’d touched the nape of his neck. He wants to kiss him there, stroke him there. To hold his strong little body in his arms and see what Hinata will do if he pays attention to him in that precise spot. 

He imagines Hinata kissing him up to his ear and whispering, “I liked it a lot,” as he breaths right up close to him. 

He drops his phone, covers his eyes with his forearm, and clenches his fist to find some sort of purchase, before reaching down to stroke himself once from root to tip. The wetness makes the next drag that much smoother and when his thumb catches the underside of the head, he has to bite his lip at the unexpected jolt it sends through him. He’s so unbelievably sensitive and he’s only just started. 

It takes a far shorter time than it should considering how slow he’s going, but the slick sounds of his own hand around his dick and the short puffs of air he’s letting out against his hand get him insanely close to the edge. He feels the mild throbbing on his throat and wants to touch it so badly, but he doesn’t know if he can trust himself to control his voice if both his hands are free. 

In a last attempt to preserve his dignity, he switches to touching himself with his left hand instead so that he can bring his right arm across to the left side of his neck. In this position, his forearm is covering his entire mouth and he can reach the mark on his throat easily, even though his strokes are far less coordinated with his left hand. It doesn’t matter. He barely needs his hand at this point. He’s almost there.

He can smell his own precum on his right hand where it’s so close to his face and he blames his stupid dick for making him wonder if Hinata smells the same. What his entire body would smell and look like when he’s turned on. 

All it takes is that thought, and one well-timed touch to the bruise to make him buck into his hand and come, biting down on his own forearm, his throat constricting to stop even the smallest of noises from escaping. 

He comes down slowly and heavily, both literally and figuratively, his hips resting back on the bed and his neck relaxing. He feels just how much he’s come and the way his clean t-shirt is sticking to him in certain places where he’s sweated through it. He feels the teeth marks on his forearm and the still-tender place that Hinata had bitten. And feels utterly and completely sated.

* * *

The fear doesn’t magically disappear, but it morphs into something new. There are moments that still test him, but he knows to expect them now. More importantly, he learns to remind himself that he can trust Hinata.

But it doesn’t stop him from hesitating the first time Hinata asks if he can lay on top of him with his full weight rather than hovering over him like they’ve been doing up until now. Not because he’s scared that Hinata might take advantage, but because of how much he wants to feel them pressed together, holding each other close. 

“You know I’m uh…” Hinata pants quietly, blushing down at his lap. 

“Yeah, me too. It’s… It’s okay,” Kageyama says and tries to challenge himself by mumbling, “I won’t freak out if I feel it.”

The heart-eyes that Hinata gives him makes up for every feeling of discomfort he associates with his request. 

Kissing like that is certainly different, but they don’t do it every time. Sometimes, when he knows they’re too desperate to risk it, Kageyama just taps Hinata’s hips, urging him to raise himself up rather than press against him. It’s like their own private hand signals. 

But on the days when they’re more lazy and indulgent with their time, Kageyama learns not to fear the press of Hinata against his hip, because Hinata never gives him a reason to doubt. And in return, he touches Hinata in all the places he knows Hinata likes. His waist, his new favourite place on the nape of his neck, which sends him into a frenzy. Kageyama kisses his ear and learns that apparently it’s not just him that has a thing for neck kisses. Hinata always falls apart the second he gets near his neck and Kageyama doesn’t even stop him when he sometimes feels his hips twitch in an instinctual response to rub against _something._ He knows it’s not Hinata trying to push the boundaries. 

It turns out Hinata is just responsive _wherever_ Kageyama chooses to touch him. The day they agree that touching below the waist is okay as long as they avoid _the goods_ as Hinata had put it, Kageyama discovers how much Hinata just enjoys being _touched_ in general. Groped, might be a more suitable way to describe it. 

Whenever Hinata is on top of him, he massages his fingers into Hinata’s hips and the back of his thighs and the meatier part of his arms. Hinata melts like ice cream at every single one and it’s sometimes hard to concentrate on what to focus on the most, especially when his concentration disintegrates once they figure out how much Kageyama enjoys it when Hinata sits in his lap. 

They find a normality in their newfound intimacy together and learn to enjoy each other without it making them go as crazy as it had in the beginning. They still share food and talk about their dreams and goof off while they know they still have the years to do it. On the nights when they’re not so riled up, Hinata sometimes even stays and plays video games with him, sending him cheeky glances and even cheekier text messages later on. 

They never take it far, of course. He really doesn't think he’s got the tools to try and say anything remotely provocative over text. He’s not much of a texter as it is and does it out of necessity mostly. Definitely not something he finds appealing in a sexy way. Not when he can have the real thing that makes him feel so fearless in his arms on a fairly regular basis. 

But it becomes a natural part of their routine and Hinata likes to push it just enough so he can get away with it. 

_I couldn’t stop thinking about you after today_ , he sometimes texts him.

 _Me neither_ , Kageyama replies. 

Even revealing that much of himself makes his heart skip a little, but he allows it because he knows Hinata will never actually try to cross that line. He’ll dance around it like the gremlin that he is, but that’s all. And selfishly, Kageyama likes to know that Hinata might be losing his mind over him in the same way. That he might be making a mess of himself before he goes to bed or the second he gets home, the same way that Kageyama does now after most of their more intense dates. He sometimes wonders if they’re ever touching themselves at the same time, separated by miles and miles of quiet summer nights but always thinking about the other as they gasp into their palms or their pillows. 

Just as they learn how to map out each other’s bodies over their clothes, they learn how to discard at least some of their initial shyness. Hinata goes from awkwardly staring at his crotch in order to send out a warning, to murmuring, “I’m uh…” to using the word _excited_ , to whimpering, “I’m hard… is that okay?”, whenever Kageyama goes to press their bodies together. He himself manages to work up to reply with, “Me too,” in those moments, rather than just offering a wordless grunt of embarrassment. 

It’s not just Hinata that he learns about in the hours, days, and weeks that they spend exploring mouths and hips and patches of exposed skin under t-shirts. In the process of cataloguing the secrets of Hinata’s body, he’s slowly been discovering the secrets of his own heart. During one unforgettable July evening at Hinata’s house, he learns that he’s fallen in love with him. The sort of steadily building knowledge that can only be made apparent to someone through the long and natural course of time. 

He learns to say Hinata’s first name. A barely-there whisper at first, terrified but determined, and then repeated over and over again as Shouyou kisses him on his couch, whispering his own first name back at him in return. 

Kageyama thanks God that he’s lucky enough to be able to know someone outside of his own flesh and blood who wants to take the time to be so careful with him. Someone who _he_ wants to be careful with. 

* * *

They work, they sweat, they dream, and eventually, they make it back to Tokyo for their second annual training camp.

It’s their first bus trip together as a team since the June prelims and the first trip to Tokyo for the new first-years. Ennoshita soon has to calm some of the more excitable ones down, which isn’t easy when Noya and Tanaka are still the ones making the most noise from the back seat. 

“For god’s sake you two!” he shouts at them. “Can you try to pretend like you know how to set an example!”

Shouyou giggles into Kageyama’s shoulder. He would normally be one of the culprits being yelled at right now, but Kageyama knows he hasn’t slept a wink the night before from the sheer excitement of seeing the Nekoma and Fukurodani boys again. He spends most of the drive napping and saving his energy for what’s sure to be an action-packed afternoon instead of causing mischief.

“You drool on my hoodie and I’ll give you something to shit yourself over,” Kageyama murmurs into his hair. He just groans pitifully in response, disgruntled by the use of one of his least favourite words, but seemingly unaffected by the threats. 

Kageyama hears a low, irritable voice from across the aisle say, “is the king finding it hard to control his subjects today?”

“Bite me, Tsukki,” he responds, revelling in Tsukishima’s frown at being purposefully called by his nickname.

* * *

Watching Shouyou reunite with Kenma is actually one of the most wholesome things he’s seen in a long time. Kenma is as stoic as ever, though he has learnt how to smile more in the time they’ve all known each other. 

Time stops feeling real under the right circumstances. Seeing the gyms and hearing the familiar voices makes him wonder if there’s been some mix up, because surely it can’t have been 12 months since they were last here? But when he thinks about how much has changed, it might as well be an entire lifetime since his last trip.

A year ago he’d never been to nationals. A year ago he didn’t have a boyfriend. A year ago he’d never even been kissed and certainly never been in love. 

“Alright guys, let’s all grab a light lunch and head to the gym!” Ennoshita says. Shouyou has already rounded up a group of first-years and is introducing them to Lev and Kenma, puffing out his chest and waving his arms around. 

Kageyama walks over to where they’re standing and grins at his boyfriend. “Race you to the canteen?” he says. Shouyou’s eyes go wide. 

“Oh, you _got_ it!”

* * *

It’s been far too long since they’ve had a series of away games and Kageyama sometimes wishes they had a similar sort of set up with their rival schools in Miyagi. Now that he doesn’t have to look at Oikawa’s smug ass anymore, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring it up to Takeda and Coach Ukai for a future project. 

The new blood on all the teams keeps him sharp and on his toes. The first years are making all of their teams proud and he’s sure last year’s captains would be proud to see them uphold their schools’ reputations. He faces each of them with the vigour of someone who’s now stood on the national stage. Of someone who knows each of them has the right to be here. 

The temperature is just as, if not more gruelling than it was during their unexpected heatwave in June. By the time the afternoon games are over, the gyms begin to fill with that musky smell that only comes from hard work and exertion. It’s probably unpleasant to most people, but over the years, Kageyama has grown to enjoy it and the way it reminds him of achievement. 

Except, just like in June, a room full of sweaty guys is no longer just a room full of sweaty guys. It’s now a room full of sweaty guys _and_ a sweaty boyfriend who is licking his lips and occasionally throwing him hungry-looking glances for the ball. Maybe if they moved somewhere with a colder climate - somewhere where it snows all day, every day - he’d be free of the torture of having to play alongside Shouyou when he’s dripping and flushed the very definition of distracting. 

The last couple of months of _practice_ , however, have done wonders for their ability to curb the initial wave of desire that comes as a side effect of match-fueled adrenaline. Now that they’re regularly able to touch and be close to each other without nerves getting in the way, the hot gym is far from the torture chamber it used to be. 

Except that this isn’t a usual practice game. They won’t be leaving here and walking back to Kageyama’s house for dinner, games, and some much needed alone time. They’re going to be here for an entire week, close enough to touch, but never able to. Close enough to smell, but never able to press their noses into the hollows of each other’s throats. 

Kageyama watches Shouyou gulp from his water bottle and fixates on the way his throat moves, feeling like he could die on the spot from the realisation that this week might be his very own personal interpretation of hell.

* * *

They’ve bathed together before. Several times, in fact. When they were just teammates, it had never bothered him. Shouyou had been just another body, the same as Tadashi or Tsukishima. 

When they became boyfriends, it had been more embarrassing than anything, what with keeping their relationship a secret at first and also being very aware of the fact that Shouyou might possibly find his body of interest to look at. 

At this point, it’s downright criminal how difficult it is to share a bath with Shouyou Hinata. Granted, he is more out of it than usual, what with his precious few moments of sleep being against Kageyama’s arm on the bus, and he barely even looks in Kageyama’s direction once they’re settled. 

It also helps that the baths are filled to the brim with first years from all the other schools. For once, he’s grateful for the distraction so that he doesn’t risk popping a boner right there in front of the entire student body at the sight of his wet and naked boyfriend. 

But unlike Shouyou, Kageyama is very much awake and present and aware of the curve of Hinata’s bare shoulder and the water at the base of his neck where he’d got it wet whilst washing himself. 

“Hinata, wakey wakey!” Lev calls and sends a splash of water in their direction. He’s never wanted to hug Lev more than in that moment. 

* * *

On the second day, Shouyou is well-rested and firing on all cylinders. They win a game against Shinzen and one against Fukurodani and Kageyama pretends not to grind his teeth when he sees how much Akaashi has improved as a setter since he last saw him. They’re going to be an even more formidable opponent if they meet at the Spring Interhigh. _When_ they meet. Though, It’s still bizarre to see him sending a ball to an ace that isn’t Bokuto. He doesn't know what he would do if it were him in that situation. Not now that he knows what it’s like to play alongside Shouyou. 

During their lunch, they’re gifted with watermelon again and he sees Shouyou’s eyes go wide as he runs for a piece. Kageyama doesn’t like to bug him much during the rare times that they get to spend time with other schools. He knows Shouyou has friends on the other teams that he rarely gets to see and he’s more than happy to entertain himself during the moments when they’re all hanging out. 

But this time, Shouyou chats to Inuoka for a couple of minutes, before grabbing a slice of watermelon and skipping over to where Kageyama is sitting. He holds the semi-circle shaped piece in front of his mouth as though it’s a smile and squeaks, “Cat got your tongue?”

Kageyama fixes him with a deadpan expression and Shouyou moves the watermelon away from his mouth. “Get it?” he asks. “ _Cat_? Like Nekoma?”

The corner of Kageyama’s mouth curls up against his will and he takes the fruit when Shouyou hands it over. Before he can eat it, however, Shouyou leans in and takes a giant bite out of the middle of it, fixing him with a mischievous glare as he does so. 

“ _Hat_ ,” he mumbles with his mouthful, “s’for no laughing a’my jjjoke.” 

It would normally piss him off to see Shouyou talk with his mouth full, but all he can pay attention to is how the juice has started to dye his lips red and how there’s a single drop of it hanging from his chin. Now that he’s looking at him, he can see how the freckles on his nose that he’s gotten so used to kissing in the past month have started to really come out to play in the heat of the summer sun.

It’s been two days since he last kissed him. Is he really expected to last the other five?

When Shouyou connects the dots as to where Kageyama is clearly staring, he blushes and looks to his side. “Oh my God, calm down,” he whispers around a tiny giggle. 

“Fuck, sorry,” he says, lifting his eyes back up. 

Shouyou’s mouth curls up as though he’s seeing a ball flying through midair. “Anyone would think you weren’t concentrating on volleyball.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a little shit?”

“Only my gorgeous numbskull boyfriend who’s more interested in making out with me than sending me a decent set.”

“You little—”

He gets up and chases Shouyou halfway around the green before the heat gets a little too much for them. But Shouyou’s excited screams have always spurred him on in a devious sort of way. 

It takes him until the end of their break, when they’re about to head back into the gym, for Kageyama to register that Shouyou called him gorgeous. He doesn’t have time to stew over it though, because he feels a light tug on the back of his t-shirt and stops in his tracks. 

He feels Shouyou lean up to his ear - he probably has to get up on his tiptoes to do it - and whisper as discreetly as he can, “I am too by the way.”

“Am… what?” Kageyama says, cursing himself for forgetting anything about speech or grammar with Shouyou so close and so much heat coming off him. 

“More interested in making out. Well, maybe not more than volleyball, but still. Me too.”

He walks past Kageyama and into the gym with the others, but not before looking over his shoulder with a tilt of his head and a smirk, the blush not quite yet gone from his cheeks. 

* * *

That night, there is no helping the discomfort that he’s feeling when they bathe. After his teasing and disappearing act earlier in the day, Shouyou has been good as gold, which irritates Kageyama even more than if he was up in his face all day. 

The truth is, he has no idea what he would do if the entire room of people disappeared and only he and Shouyou remained. With no clothes in the way, there would be very little to logically stop things from reaching… some kind of natural conclusion. 

The two of them. Pressed together like they usually are, close and sweet and intimate, but no jeans in the way, no shirts riding up. Just them. 

It makes him feel better to see that Shouyou is similarly affected. He knows what he looks like when he’s trying to _avoid_ something, and right now he’s doing everything in his power to not look at Kageyama. 

Because he finds him _gorgeous_. He admitted as much himself just hours earlier. 

He hasn’t had his arms around him in days. Hasn’t felt that little waist in the palms of his hands in _years_. Okay, it’s also just been days, but time is non-existent in Tokyo apparently. It makes him stupid. Stupid enough to brush his fingertips down the side of Shouyou’s forearm as they walk back to their futons through the dark hallways. No one sees them, he’s sure. But he needs to feel their skin touching in some way or he will literally die. 

They lock eyes as they walk side by side and Shouyou gives him a warning glance. Probably because out of the two of them, Shouyou has far less self-control. 

He’s right, Kageyama is pushing it and it’s not like him at all. He almost hates how undone he is after such a short amount of time of not being able to hold him. He’d blame himself for being weak if he didn’t know that Shouyou feels the same way and that Shouyou is the strongest person he’s ever met. 

That night is almost too much for Kageyama to bear. Sleeping next to Shouyou just centimeters apart, less than an arm’s length. And they can’t even hold hands. He goes to bed hard, willing his fatigued body and sore muscles to do the work in sending him to sleep rather than letting his brain ravage him with thoughts of Shouyou naked in the bath with his neck _right_ there, unobstructed by anything other than their own lack of privacy.

They continue in a similarly cursed pattern for days on end, egging each other on the court and during private practice, only to then stare longingly late into the evening when their focus is on anything other than volleyball. 

Kageyama starts to get greedy with his appreciation of Shouyou when they bathe. He always checks to make sure he’s safe, but he can’t help the way his eyes travel down the length of his arms, the straining muscles whenever he stretches and yawns. The chest that is normally hidden from him when they make out, but that he now sees on a daily basis. 

There’s no way they can go back to making out with their shirts still on after this. Not when all he’s dreaming about after he’s barely managed to hobble back to their room is the idea of pressing his own chest to Shouyou’s so he can feel the temperature of his skin firsthand. To feel his heartbeat and see if it matches up with his. 

He loses track of how many times their hands brush while they tidy up the gym, how many times he catches Shouyou looking at him when he’s stretching out his biceps, how many times _he_ gets caught by Shouyou when he’s staring at his legs during cooldown. It’s a constant, neverending dance. 

At night, they lay side by side with their backs turned away from each other in mutual, unspoken understanding that it’s easier that way. Kageyama recalls their third night when he nearly reached out to brush his fingers across Shouyou’s hand, but retracted at the last minute. He doesn’t trust that hand-holding would be enough when he’s this starving. 

His volleyball career is over, he’s sure of it. He doesn’t know how he’s expected to ever play on the world stage when not kissing his boyfriend for such an insignificant amount of time makes him this useless. He goes to bed hard every night, something which didn't even happen when they had the freedom to touch each other as much as they wanted. If this is what it feels like to have that touch revoked, then he’s the biggest moron for being so scared of Shouyou’s hands and body for so long. 

The day before last, he’s vibrating out of his skin all morning. Shouyou had come up to him during warm-ups and whispered in his ear that they should try their even faster quick attack before they go back home. The tickle of his breath against his ear had shocked him like static and it had made him so irritable that even the first years stayed clear of him. 

He avoids Shouyou during lunch completely, in order to try and regain some control over himself. His performance on the court is no different than usual, and he’d like to keep it that way before the in-between moments drive him completely out of his mind. It’s just two more days. 

“Did you want some?” Kageyama looks to his left and sees Akaashi holding out a ladle for him to take some rice.

“Oh… yeah…” he says uselessly. Akaashi just smiles at him and goes about spooning some curry onto his own plate. 

“Tired?” he asks. 

“Sure,” Kageyama replies.

There’s a natural pause, before Akaashi says, “I know I’m not really at skill-level, but I can really see an improvement from last year, you know? And you were already pretty impressive then.”

“Thank you.” He doesn’t even really know Akaashi, but now that he’s been encouraged into a conversation, he feels obligated to ask, “How’s captain...hood?” he shakes his head pitifully.

Akaashi laughs. “It’s good,” he says. “A different kind of responsibility, but I was already the vice last year, so it’s not that different. I don’t think I’ll ever quite have Bokuto’s unique charm,” Kageyama notices his cheeks heat the tiniest bit, but it's probably the heat from the canteen. “But the team hasn’t given me any reason to be worried.”

Kageyama nods. 

“You’ll see soon enough,” Akaashi continues. “This time next year, you’ll be whipping your own underclassmen into shape.”

Kageyama huffs a laugh. “I doubt it. At least not me.”

“Just wait and see,” he says with a knowing look. “Although you already look like you’ve got the world on your shoulders.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Look, I’m sure you remember, but I’ve seen every kind of mood swing there is. If there’s one thing I remember about you, it’s that you were the quiet, stoic kind. But since you’ve been here, you’ve been like a merry-go-round.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

“Don’t apologise, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He’s not sure he sees correctly, but Kageyama thinks he notices Akaashi glance back and smirk to the table where there’s a group of people eating. “Listen… just so you know, gym #2 is rarely ever used. I think it’s been locked for the entire camp, something to do with the roof.”

Kageyama frowns. “Huh?”

Akaashi fixes him with what can only be described as a _pointed_ look. “No one ever goes there, especially in the evening for private practice. I don’t think there’s a single living soul at the back supply entrance after dark.”

“Wait…” Kageyama looks around. “You mean, there’s… like ghosts there?”

Akaashi closes his eyes and smiles. It’s not a look Kageyama has seen on him very often at all. Maybe only with members of his own team, and even then, only on rare occasions. 

“I’m saying that if you find yourself at that spot at some point tonight when everyone else is off doing private practice, it’s very likely you’ll be alone. Uninterrupted.”

The picture drips into place drop by drop and he thinks he could erect a monument to Akaashi right there and then. He has no idea why he’s giving him this information, but he doesn’t give a damn. Not when there’s a chance he might be able to exchange two private words with his boyfriend for the first time in days.

“How do you even know that?” he asks. The last thing he needs is misinformation and an embarrassing encounter with a fellow student, or worse, a teacher. 

Akaashi smiles. “Enjoy your food."

* * *

Kageyama goes to the back entrance of the gym in a black hoodie and a cap, just in case there are any eager lurkers waiting for a practice partner. There’s only one person he wants to be practising anything with tonight and he won’t be deterred. 

He waits at the meeting point for about five minutes, his heartbeat in his throat, worrying that maybe he gave Shouyou the wrong time, or that Shouyou misread the gym number or any of the many things that only Shouyou could mess up. 

And then he hears from behind him, “Tobio?”

He turns around so fast he nearly gets whiplash. Two Shouyou’s merge into one and suddenly they’re face to face and blessedly, finally _alone_. 

Shouyou asks him as much, and when Kageyama confirms that they are, the look on his face turns slightly terrified at the prospect. He’d be offended by it if he didn’t already know that he’s got the same look on his own face. And that it’s nothing like the terror he’d felt before. There isn’t a part of him that’s afraid of having Shouyou here with him. He’s scared of how _much_ he does.

Shouyou stumbles towards him like a fawn and Kageyama backs himself against the wall, feeling the cool concrete on his fingertips as he does so. Shouyou slowly runs his hands up the front of his hoodie, dazed and unfocused, until he hooks his arms onto Kageyama’s shoulders. He brings his head down halfway so that they’re faces are a breath’s length apart, just _breathing_. 

Kageyama puts his hands to Shouyou’s waist and wants to cry at how good it feels to hold him. Shouyou whines right up against his mouth. “T-Tobio…”

Kageyama’s breath comes out in a loud, shaky exhale. “You… you haven’t called me that for ages…” For the past week, it’s been _Kageyama_ this and _Kageyama_ that.

“We haven’t been _alone_ in ages.”

Kageyama scrunches his eyes shut and lets the sound of his first name send a shiver all the way down the back of his neck. “ _Kiss_ me.” 

And Shouyou does.

When he goes for his mouth, open and wanting, Kageyama expects to feel it under his skin, in his cock, at the bottom of his spine. But that’s not what hits him first. The second that mouth makes contact with his and locks onto him, he feels the quake go straight to his heart, butterflies and waves and everything else imaginable. 

He can’t believe there was ever a world in which they weren’t touching. That such a time ever existed when their lips weren’t pressed together and their arms weren’t clutching at each other and when their bodies weren’t this close and didn’t fit together in the most perfect way imaginable. 

He never wants to go back to that time. He wants to banish it from reality. _This_ is the only version of his life he ever wants to remember. Not the fear of being touched, not the misunderstandings of why he can’t want what other people want. But this closeness, every day.

Shouyou whines against his mouth like he’s drowning, more desperate than any other time he’s known him. Neither of them are breathing right at all. It’s so wet that there’s barely any friction. They should readjust. They should find a position that’s not so awkward for their height difference. Any thought of attempting to stop touching sounds like death. 

There comes a moment when he _has_ to pull away to breathe. One look at Shouyou’s messed up hair, his hot cheeks, his wild, savage eyes and his tiny body and something inside him goes feral.

He spins them around, one hand on Shouyou’s waist, the other softly cradling the back of his head so that when he presses Shouyou firmly into the concrete he makes sure he doesn’t hurt him. It’s hard to tell if he succeeded with the ravaged sound that comes out of Shouyou’s mouth, but Kageyama physically can’t stop to check.

He shoves his stupid cap off his head and goes for Shouyou’s mouth like he’s gone after the sport he loves for this entire life. Ferocious and focused, even though he still totally lacks the skills for this. He’s acting on pure, unbridled instinct, slotting their mouths together, sliding his tongue inside Shouyou’s mouth and keeping a vice grip on his hair and his ears. Shouyou gives as much as he gets, shattering any worry Kageyama might have had.

Their teeth clash for a second and it hurts, but with his skin tingling and his arousal building all week, he doesn't even register the pain properly. It shoots down his spine and he groans into Shouyou’s mouth. He could probably lose the use of his legs if he didn’t concentrate even the smallest amount. 

Tearing his mouth away with a wet gasp, he doesn’t let Shouyou recover or orient himself before he’s devouring his neck just like he devoured his mouth. He hasn’t taken a bath yet and Kageyama feels his dick twitch at how salty the skin tastes there. He hears his own moans, tiny and broken as he licks and sucks, open-mouthed and filthy, his back hunched in a deep arch so he can reach it properly. Shouyou is falling to pieces above him, gasping and almost tugging at his hair. 

He knows Shouyou has a weird thing for feeling a sense of accomplishment with pain. The sting of a spike as it hits his palm, the soreness of his legs after a good drill, the stiffness in his arms after a flying lap. Kageyama hasn’t ever really understood it until now. But the way Shouyou is pulling at his scalp, the way he’s making it hurt because he’s so far gone, feels like the definition of _winning_.

Shouyou bucks up and he presses their bodies together without thinking. They both gasp at the accidental friction and in his madness, Kageyama moves his hands from Shouyou’s hair to grab at his belt loops, before he realises he’s wearing gym shorts. 

He growls and gropes around for purchase, before firmly cupping Shouyou’s ass and pulling him towards him. Shouyou arches his neck and gasps. 

“ _Tobio_.”

“S-Shouyou?” he asks. Doesn’t know if his real question comes across. _Is this okay?_ He can’t _speak_.

“ _Yes_ ,” is the response he gets, before crashing his mouth to Kageyama’s again.

He has no clue what he’s doing, no clue where he’s thinking this is going to lead. He’s filled with Shouyou’s scent and his mouth and his stupid heart. He knows how blushy he gets when they make out at home. He saw how flushed the rest of him can get over the painful evenings they have to spend next to each other in the bath. Miles of skin that’s literally _under his clothes_ right now.

He’s never been this turned on in this entire life. Not when Shouyou first bit his neck, not when he first cornered him in the Karasuno gym, not in any stupid and pointless fantasy he’s conjured up for himself. Shouyou is here and he’s real and he loves him with more force than he understands. 

He bucks and writhes and kisses and finally realises why his heart is pounding so hard, why his ears are ringing and his lungs are aching. 

It’s not enough. 

He’s been separated from Shouyou with only the touches of fingertips to see him through for only a week, and now that he’s got his tongue in his mouth and his hips rocking against his in a broken rhythm, his underwear literally sticking to him, it’s still not enough. 

Which is when his heart nearly stops at the realisation that unless he wants their first time to be up against a filthy gym and possibly within earshot of countless teenage guys - which he certainly does _not -_ then they need to stop. _Now._

“We have to—we have—” he tries. He’s feverish with now much he wants. Doesn’t recognise his own desire. It’s _never_ felt like this. “H-help me to stop,” he begs. “Sh-Shouyou _please_ help me.”

Shouyou responds immediately, albeit slowly and trembling like a leaf. He pulls his mouth away from where he’s been kissing Kageyama’s neck and whimpers pathetically against the soft skin there. He’s clinging to him with enough strength that Kageyama knows his knees are completely useless. 

He puts his arms around Shouyou’s back as best he can with the wall in the way and holds him close, soothing his equally uneven breaths with his palms up and down his back. He has the good sense to keep his hips away, even if he can still feel the mess he’s making and how he’s twitching, everything in him screaming to go back to doing exactly what he was just doing.

He rests his forehead against the top of Shouyou’s head and slowly regains dominance over his own body. They’ve waited this long. They can wait a little longer. 

“We should…” Shouyou sighs after long, silent minutes. “Head back… yeah?”

Kageyama takes the time to kiss the top of his forehead and the bridge of his nose, before saying, “Yeah.”

It’s not till they’ve composed themselves and are halfways back to the school, that Shouyou asks, “What are you _wearing_?”

* * *

He’s calmer, but not by very much, by the time they go to bed. He almost skips out on the bath altogether, but nothing is worth dealing with the Tokyo sun for two days without washing. Not even his own treacherous dick. 

It takes the room a while to quiet down as usual, the excitement of the final full sleepover palpable in the air. Kageyama observes the chaos calming to something more manageable. Watches as Ennoshita scowls in Noya’s direction while he draws dirty pictures in a notebook to torture Tsukishima with. Sees Tadashi playing a game of cards with one of the new first years, Yuki. He doesn't know what’s worse: the feeling of lying next to Shouyou without touching him for one more night or hearing the sounds of his friends and knowing full well that it’ll be a new team yet again when they come back next year. 

He’s lying on his back, missing the solid weight of Shouyou in his arms more than ever, when the room finally settles into sleep. 

He looks to his left and his heart almost skips a beat when he sees that Shouyou isn’t asleep. He’s very much awake and staring right back at Kageyama, his eyes lidded and desperate to be closer. He has to look up at the ceiling and has to let out a long breath through his mouth.

He feels the barest touch on the palm of his hand where it’s laying next to him. He turns his head again to see Shouyou laying on his side, with one arm stretched out a little, tracing a light pattern on his hand. It’s the most innocent gesture he can imagine, but it’s still too much. It’s so much that it makes his eyes water, and he has to gently grip Shouyou’s finger and shake his head, hoping that the longing in his eyes puts across how very much _not_ anxious he’s feeling. 

Shouyou gets it and retracts his hand, but keeps his eyes on Kageyama. Even in the dark, they somehow manage to sparkle. 

The almost nonexistent nostalgic part of him remembers when they used to text during moments like this. When they had so much to say and no space in which to do it. In a moment of curiosity, he takes out his phone and taps out a tentative message. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _Maybe we need to talk_

Shouyou reaches for his phone when it lights up with the message and Kageyama sees him grin as he types.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _I thought that was my line? ;)_

Kageyama huffs and then pauses. The truth is, he should have thought his words through and not just acted on impulse. Maybe even waited till tomorrow when they could talk face to face. But he won’t sleep a wink if he waits one more second.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _would you say you’re in the zone?_

“Huh?” Shouyou says out loud. Kageyama’s eyes go wide as he shushes him silently, already hearing a groan from someone in a neighbouring futon to them. Shouyou contorts his face in silent apology and Kageyama types back.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _You said before that you needed to be in the zone_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _for sex_

To his credit, Shouyou stays quiet, but if his eyes had a voice, they would have screamed the place down with how wide they go.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Yeah…_

Kageyama can feel the restraint in every tap.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _so are you?_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _you’ve never asked me about this kinda stuff before_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _I’m asking you now_

There’s a pause.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _I think I am_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _you think?_

He hopes Shouyou doesn't see the panic on his face as he sends it. If he’s been reading the situation wrong yet again, he might as well give up on the whole idea, break off the relationship and live in a hovel somewhere. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _I’m in the zone. 100%. The zone is there._  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _… what about you????_

He lets himself have a sigh of relief and pauses with his fingers over the phone screen. He knows the longer he keeps Shouyou waiting, the more nervous he’ll be, so he just goes with the first thing that comes to his head.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _I can’t stop thinking about it_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _It’s not like before_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _when we’re not close it’s like i wanna scream_

It’s not even a close representation of how much he needs to touch Shouyou, but he’s trying to maintain some semblance of control while getting his point across. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _it’s the same for me_

He looks to his left again and finds Shouyou smiling at him. It’s not that he didn’t already suspect that that was the case, but hearing it from him directly, or having it in writing, makes it that much easier to breathe. For the first time in months, possibly for the first time since they started dating, they’re finally on the same page. They’re ready.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _why aren’t we at home already?!_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _what do you wanna be at home for? ;)_

As expected, there’s the smirk that makes Kageyama want to throw something at him. Or kiss him. He still sometimes gets the two confused. He wishes he’d never sent the previous message, because now Shouyou is going to jump on one of his favourite hobbies, which is teasing the hell out of him. If he didn’t think it would wake the others, Kageyama might pull his hair for good measure. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _I think_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _I think I want us to try more. Not just making out. I want us to try having sex._

Shouyou lets out the tiniest squeak that’s masked by other people’s snoring. He presses his phone to his face in what Kageyama assumes is frustration, and then he sees him type.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _worst time for texting OMG_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _we haven;t even… TALKED..._

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _we’ve been busy_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _we’ve been practising xD_

He laughs at that.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _maybe we just go with the flow?_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _not worked great for us before_

Probably the understatement of the century, but he’s right. Another reason why this conversation was probably a terrible idea. Neither of them were expecting to have it, and now they’ve come to the table with no ideas for what’s supposed to happen from here on in.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _okay well_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _maybe we don’t do… everything…_

By the look on Shouyou’s face, he knows exactly what he's referring to and seems just as surprised and embarrassed by it being brought up as Kageyama is. Perhaps he should have spoken to Shouyou about the stuff he’d read online.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _but SOME things_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _and soon_  
**Tobio Kageyama:** _I think_

If there’s one smart thing he’s ever done in his life, it’s use whatever initiative he has to take to the internet and find out exactly what he might be in for one day. He hadn’t been _completely_ ignorant, but he figured that if he approaches this with the same meticulousness that he approaches everything else in his life, maybe he can mitigate any potential future anxiety when he and Shouyou start pushing those boundaries. There’s a world of difference between being vaguely aware of what two guys could potentially do together and then one day being dropped right in the middle of it and being expected to navigate his way through it. Research never hurt anyone. 

Except, that once their kissing had started to evolve into something more uncharted and Kageyama began his search for information, he’d fallen pretty quickly into the sandpit and seen a little more than he bargained for. He’d freaked out, closed his laptop and sat in the corner of his room, which Shouyou had once nicknamed his _contemplation station_. 

The experience had at least eased his mind that he wasn’t as much of a moron about sex as he’d once thought he was. He’d sort of figured that _this_ is what might be expected of him at some point. But just because he couldn’t feign ignorance anymore, it didn’t mean he’s ready for the entire menu of what’s available to them. At first, it had frustrated him. Yet another roadblock in their already fraught journey to intimacy. Because of him.

But he’d decided that he owed it to Shouyou, to _himself_ , to get through it. To find another way. 

Swallowing his cowardice a few hours later, he’d returned and decided to go down a more non-visual route and read as many articles as his poor kanji would let him. It wasn’t a lot, but it at least released the pressure around his lungs that there was more to sex than he initially thought. That they could make each other feel good in all sorts of ways. That it didn’t have to be as complicated and… invasive as that. At least not in the beginning.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _like making out but more?_

Thank god for Shouyou. For managing to put it into some sort of words. That’s exactly what he wants. Just like what they’ve been doing, but more. Closer. Something he knows as familiar, but without the layers and the fear. Just the two of them.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _yeah_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _like earlier by the gym?_

Kageyama gulps and nods when he sees Shouyou look over to see his reaction. It doesn’t look like Shouyou is unaffected by the memory of a few hours earlier either if his glazed expression is anything to go by. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _I think that sounds awesome_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _on one condition_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _you have to promise to not have a silent freak out_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _you talk if you don’t like something_

Of course he would set those conditions. Always looking out for him. Always thinking about the people he cares about. But this time, Kageyama isn’t letting him carry this alone.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _you too_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _you’ll know if i don't like something. I’ll bite you_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _sounds like fun_

He blames thinking about the kiss by the gym for what he just typed. He doesn’t even have any memory of sending it until it’s too late. His head turns to see Shouyou looking at him wide-eyed and embarrassed, but mostly a little bit impressed and flustered. 

Kageyama wants to crawl under a rock and die. He is going to be the worst sex partner on the history of the planet.

Shouyou lets out a quiet little giggle, finally breaking the tension.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _okay i promise_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _so it’s a plan?_

“Yeah,” Kageyama whispers and is rewarded with one of Shouyou’s sunshine smiles. He sees him hesitate and avoid eye contact, which can only mean trouble. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _can i tell you a secret?_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _you might not like it_

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _i don't like it when you drool on me either_

He lets out another quiet giggle at that. 

**Shouyou Hinata:** _earlier on_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _god, don’t be mad_  
**Shouyou Hinata:** _i was so close, you have no idea. If you hadn’t stopped us…_

Kageyama grips the thin sheets of his futon with his free hand and bites his lip as he feels his cock twitch. He _refuses_ to get hard here. But he’s already on edge from Shouyou bringing up their earlier kiss and from the entire conversation that’s reminding him of what’s awaiting them when they get home.

He looks at Shouyou with desperate eyes and sees the same hunger reflected back at him. The outline of his chest moves up and down in deep, long pants. He can’t see in the dark, but Kageyama is sure he must be red from the top of his hair to the tips of his toes. He wants to see it. Wants to kiss it. He needs to _stop_.

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _do we really have to wait till we get home?_

Kageyama does the only thing he can to escape, which is to turn over so he’s got his back to Shouyou. Only Shouyou would suggest they sneak off to a quiet corner of the school to get dirty, or worse, _here_ while everyone is sleeping. 

He types furiously.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _for god’s sake, stop that you dumbass_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _i just really want you. Like i’m gonna die_

He bucks against his pyjama pants. If they don’t curb it, he’s going to have a much bigger issue on his hands very, very quickly. 

He tries to go with threats.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _i’ll kill you_

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _but then i won’t see you naked :(_

Kageyama wants to moan so badly it hurts.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _serves you right for trying to… get me hot and bothered_

He hears a sound from Shouyou and thinks he very much may smother him in his sleep. The little bastard is _laughing at him._

**Shouyou Hinata:** _Sorry Prudey-yama_

Kageyama scowls at his phone, the irritation doing wonders to help with his overheating body. 

**Tobio Kageyama:** _serves you right for trying to get me hard_

 _That_ certainly shuts him up. 

Kageyama doesn’t get another text from him after that. He keeps his back turned because he can’t be trusted with the temptation. Can’t look at Shouyou’s gorgeous face and punch something for how much he wants him. 

He finally feels himself close to fatigue, when he hears a shifting behind him and then the sound of movement. Before he can turn to see, he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

“Shhh,” Shouyou whispers before he can let out a startled noise. “I just looked around, no one’s watching, everyone’s asleep.” Kageyama has never heard him whisper _that_ quietly before. “I just wanted to say… that I’m really happy. I wanted to say it myself. Is that okay?”

Kageyama’s heart melts at the vulnerability he hears. Shouyou would never put him in a situation he’s uncomfortable with, so he trusts him when he says that they’re relatively safe. He brings his hand up to where Shouyou’s is resting on his shoulder and strokes it. 

Shouyou leans down to wrap his arms around as much of Kageyama as he can and squeezes him as tight as he can. Kageyama almost laughs at how much power there is behind it. He turns his neck to face him and ignores the slight strain at the intense angle. He rubs his nose against the point of Shouyou’s chin and kisses it as lightly as he can manage. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispers, loving the way Shouyou’s eyes crinkle at his stolen phrase. “I’m happy too.”

When he finally sleeps, with the anticipation of their homecoming in his heart and the lingering smell of Shouyou’s sweet shampoo on his t-shirt, it’s one of the most restful nights he’s ever had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmmm I'm sorry for the 14k and no sexy times yet *side eyes* BUT I GOTTA MAKE THEM SWEAT FOR IT!
> 
> Stay tuned beautiful people <3 and please remember that I'm a non manga person so please don't spoil me if you are sweet enough to leave a comment!
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3


	4. Chapter 4

Once Kageyama’s mind is set on something, it’s impossible for him to be deterred. Whether it be sport, food, or picking fights with Tsukishima.

Luckily, he’s found the perfect partner to echo him in the exact same way, at least in the things that matter. And right now, what matters is getting to feel the heat of his boyfriend’s skin beneath his shirt, to hear what he might sound like when touched in places they’ve never allowed themselves to before. It’s about as terrifying an idea as he can imagine, and just as intoxicating. 

That’s how he knows he’s finally found the winning combination. 

To say that there’s an energy between them on the bus home from Tokyo is just the tip of the iceberg. Shouyou practically scent marks him the entire way home and the only reason Kageyama allows it is because he can see that the rest of the team is completely out of it the second the bus starts moving. 

He rubs his nose into Kageyama’s shoulder and puts his hand on his knee and doesn’t even _try_ to hide the overjoyed, but devious, grin on his face whenever Kageyama gives him a half-assed side-eye. There’s one moment when he nearly gives them away after a cheeky hand worms its way up Kageyama’s shirt to stroke the skin where his jeans end - just like he does so many times when they’re kissing - and Kageyama nearly lets out a squeak.

When they park up at home, everyone else gets off the bus yawning and stretching, but he doesn’t have it in him to feel tired. All he can feel is the ghost of Shouyou’s thumb drawing a circle on his hip and looking up at him from under his lashes.

The meeting is made even more unbearable by the thought that when they leave, they can’t just go straight home to at least take some of the edge off by finally getting to hold each other after a whole week. Kageyama’s house won’t be free until tomorrow night and now that their parents know about them, they’ve decided that neither of them feel particularly _intimate_ with the smell of home cooking as the constant reminder of there being someone in the house. What’s even more embarrassing is that neither of their moms say anything to them about it, so it feels even more awkward to now start asking permission to be alone together. It’s too much like an admission that they have something to want privacy _for._

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Your mom working tomorrow night?_

He texts him after they’ve barely managed to leave each other at their usual crossroads without a prolonged goodbye kiss.

 **Tobio Kageyama:** _Yeah._

 **Shouyou Hinata:** _Good ;)_   
**Shouyou Hinata:** _I think we should do it._

He still has a tiny bit of sanity left in him to answer _Yeah_ before he throws his phone to the side with a whimper. Just from imagining the way he _knows_ Shouyou would whisper that to him if he were here. Thinking about how he might put his hands exactly where they were earlier, gets him hard almost in seconds.

He hopes to god that having sex is going to stop some of this - the madness living under his skin that he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to get rid of, even if he scratched himself to death. If it stokes the fire any more, he’s not sure his nerves can handle it. 

He takes out his dick and doesn’t even bother with taking it slow or savouring the moment. In an effort to quench his thirst and satisfy his instincts, he lets his hand fly over it, feeling his skin prickle at the sounds his hand is making already. It’s been over a week since he’s been able to touch himself and there’s no time for ceremony. 

God, when did he become this person? Someone who bites his fist or hides his face in his pillow to stop his mom from hearing how wrecked the thought of the boy he loves touching him makes him. He blushes in the privacy and darkness of his room at the thought of Shouyou ever seeing this side of him. He’s barely acquainted _himself_ with that person and he still can’t get his head around the fact that masturbating is a thing he enjoys and needs now, rather than a means relieving tension. 

But Shouyou is going to see him like this. Tomorrow. He might slide his hands down his chest, might take off his own clothes and let Kageyama look, even though he’ll be embarrassed to do so. Might slide his hand further down to where Kageyama is hard in his jeans and for the first time, might _purposefully_ press at the hardness there rather than avoid it. Rub him and bite his lip and finally, with shaking hands, slide his hand into his jeans and—

He comes, sharp and strong. It’s probably the hardest he’s ever had to bite his hand. 

* * *

The second they’re alone together, it’s like there’s an explosion of colour.

He thought he’d been hungry for the past day. He thought he’d been hungry for the past _week_. He didn’t know anything. Because the second he gets his mouth on Shouyou, he doesn’t even recognise his own body. 

It’s not just the fire from the previous week and the barely-there tease of the text message the night before. It’s sixteen years of untapped potential of what his body was capable of. What it might have been starving for. 

He doesn’t know if this has always been building, or if it’s reserved solely for Shouyou. He couldn't care less if he tried. Because no one has ever, or will ever, touch him or affect him the way that Shouyou has. He’s never loved anyone else. 

It takes less than ten seconds of their hot, wet mouths sliding against each other in a borderline fight for some kind of dominance - he doesn’t even know _why_ , but maybe it’ll always be a fight for something, maybe that’s just the way they’re designed - before Shouyou pushes him flat onto the bed and is on him in an instant. 

Having Shouyou on top of him again after all this time is like coming up from downing. He puts his hands to their favourite spot on Shouyou’s waist as he goes for his mouth, and he hears Shouyou whimper against him. Shouyou kisses him harder and it’s not like Kageyama ever doubted, but _God_ , does it feel good to know that they’re both in this together. 

He slides his broad palms up under Shouyou’s t-shirt and across his strong back. He’s hardly ever touched him here and it feels so warm already. He can feel the knobs of his spine and it’s so much easier to feel him shiver when he’s this close.

Kageyama pulls his mouth away wetly and goes for his neck with no mercy and Shouyou just arches his head up to the ceiling and takes it. 

“ _Tobio_ ,” he mewls in between sucks and long, open-mouthed kisses. “P-please take off—t-take off your shirt.”

He only realises then how warm he himself feels under the fabric of his clothes. How he and Shouyou had been forced to spend a week naked in each other’s presence. And now that they have the chance to do that in private, he’s still wearing his shirt. 

It goes the minute he can get Shouyou to sit up enough for him to take it off. 

The first time he gets butterflies is when he sees Shouyou’s expression. He’s so blushed that he could give Kageyama a run for his money. More than anything, he looks like he would happily take a bite out of him.

His mother has always called him her _handsome boy_ but he’s never really understood his own physical appearance in relation to what is and isn’t handsome. If anything, he looks very similar to the majority of the boys in his age group. He knows that he’s probably built a little bit stronger thanks to the sport, but his body has always been something of a tool to achieve his goals with. He’s never tried being appealing to another person, not even Shouyou. So to know that Shouyou finds him gorgeous, and very much enjoys looking at his bare skin, is still an unusual concept to process. 

If he knows anything about Shouyou, he has a feeling he’ll be hearing much more about the ways in which he’s found attractive. The broken zip on his mouth becomes completely non-existent when praising another person is involved. 

Shouyou whimpers, running his hands along Kageyama’s shoulders and down his back where he’s in a partial sitting position. His hands don’t know how to stay still for longer than a couple of seconds and Kageyama feels as though there are ten pairs of hands gliding over him like angry waves of water. He’s aware of the nerve endings in his skin like never before in his life and he’s becoming more and more irritated by the second that Shouyou is still wearing a shirt. 

While he’s still sitting up and in control of his limbs, he hastily puts his hands under Shouyou’s t-shirt and strokes his stomach, only to feel the muscles shift and clench and to hear his intake of breath. He feels Shouyou’s fingers press into the meat of his shoulder. Kageyama looks up at him and pulls the shirt up ever so slightly, taking Shouyou’s heavy breathing and starving eyes as permission to get rid of it completely. 

Even in his half-gone state, Shouyou manages to lift his arms so Kageyama can shove his shirt off and toss it with as little precision as possible. He doesn’t have it in him to stop and look at his chest. He’s still too embarrassed and equal parts turned on, so he just buries his face in the crook of Shouyou’s neck with a whine from somewhere deep.

Shouyou’s skin is so warm under his hands and it’s been there all this time, unattainable and seemingly too scary to discover. There’s nothing scary about this. 

Kageyama kisses his throat, his shoulder, slides his hands up and down his arms and grips them when he feels Shouyou thread his hands into his hair and hold on tight. He travels to his tiny waist and feels his own breathing speed up at finally being able to grab it in both hands with nothing in the way. 

Shouyou grips tighter and lets out the tiniest, quietest squeak that might be a _yes_ as his hips buck. It fuels Kageyama’s courage to tip his weight forward to topple onto the bed with Shouyou flat on his back, Kageyama dwarfing him with dizzying ease. He doesn’t even care that they’re at the foot of the bed at this point. 

Shouyou seems to agree, because he pulls Kageyama down by the back of the neck and kisses him with all the ferocity Kageyama has known and grown to love him for. 

On instinct, he keeps his weight on his forearms that bracket Shouyou’s head. Too many nights of learning to keep their hips apart when they get too hungry like this. Only now, he remembers that they don’t have to. That this was the whole point of their time in Tokyo and their conversation and the tingling under his skin on the bus ride home and the entire list of unsaid possibilities and promises in Shouyou’s text message last night. 

The waiting is over. 

Kageyama brings his entire body down onto Shouyou and hides his face into his neck so he can let out a long drawn out sigh from deep in his lungs when he feels their chests touch. He thinks he hears Shouyou make a surprised, pleased noise but he can barely hear over the ringing in his ears. 

He kisses Shouyou’s neck while he’s there and the sound he earns from that _definitely_ pierces through. He feels Shouyou’s hips buck underneath his where they’re now completely pressed together. 

It makes him groan out loud and reach out to grab onto _something_. The sheets of his bed, Shouyou’s hair or his arm, _anything_. Even through their jeans and god knows what other layers, the friction feels maddening and addictive. So addictive, that he doesn't even realise he’s bucking his own hips in response until he realises how insanely good it feels. 

His mind goes blank from the pressure. He just hides his hot, flushed face in the crook of Shouyou’s neck, kissing and licking and feeling their skin slide together. And then, instead of thrusting mindlessly at whatever angle his instinct tells him to, he finds a new angle and _feels_ the distinct and hard shape of Shouyou’s dick properly. 

And once he finds it, he _loses_ it. 

“ _Ah—”_ Shouyou gasps in his ear as Kageyama holds onto him for dear life and prays to whoever might be listening that he can keep this angle because he’s not capable of rational thought. He’s not capable of anything but the heat between their skin and the feel of Shouyou literally wrapping his legs around him to make sure they’re even closer. 

There’s nothing left but heat and sound and friction and the press of their mouths wet and probably disgusting. Kageyama doesn’t even remember that they started kissing, but now Shouyou’s hands are in his hair and he’s making delicious noises against his lips and he’s so hard it makes Kageyama want to cry because _he’s_ the one that made Shouyou like this. He’s hard because of him. He’s whimpering and stuttering and feral because he has Kageyama on top of him and they’re pressed together as close as they physically can. 

It’s an entire lifetime of need that pushes Kageyama to thrust harder. He nearly loses his mind when he hears Shouyou gasp out his name along with, “this is— this is—” 

“—G-good?” Kageyama somehow manages. He feels Shouyou nod against his shoulder and hears him moan. 

“It feels— I… t-the… the way you’re doing it…” He sounds so desperate and Kageyama wants to _inhale_ him, wants so much that he can’t comprehend. He doesn’t have the skill, the experience or the clarity of mind to know what he should do now, all he wants is to stay this close because it’s making him feel so good he could break into pieces. “It— it feels—” Shouyou pants. “It’s like we’re—we’re—”

The break in his voice grabs Kageyama’s attention from some deep, forgotten part of his brain that still is capable of thought. It’s only through the gift of the time they’ve spent together that Kageyama can tell that the whine in Shouyou’s voice is tinged with embarrassment and not just mind-numbing arousal. 

“Like—l-like we’re—what?” he growls in desperation. 

He thinks he knows. He thinks he knows exactly what kind of depraved things are running around in Shouyou’s brain. But if Shouyou is depraved, then Kageyama is sinking right down there with him, because he needs Shouyou’s broken voice in his ear, whispering whatever dirty thing is on his mind. 

Shouyou hides his head in Kageyama’s shoulder. Kageyama can’t see him, but he feels his neck go warmer where he’s pressed against it. “L-like we’re—like we’re fucking.”

It’s the quietest Kageyama has ever heard him. He barely, barely hears it. But it’s enough. 

His hips lurch forward one last time and he lets out a pained, animal sound before he comes harder than he’s ever come in his entire life. 

He registers a loud moan in his ear and feels shocked little jerks from Shouyou’s hips beneath him and his legs tighten around his lower back. He can feel his heartbeat in his throat, in his limbs and by some miracle considering how hard he just came, in his cock. 

He’s shaking from head to toe as he comes down, but the usual feeling of calm that he gets after an orgasm isn’t there. The second he feels the wetness inside his underwear, he lifts his head, looks at Shouyou’s face and he feels the panic sink to the depth of his stomach. 

“Did you—” Shouyou squeaks.

Kageyama nods and nearly chokes around the sound when he asks, “Did you—”

And Shouyou nods in return, eyes wide and startled, face red. 

They hadn’t even taken their clothes off. They hadn’t even been in the room for more than five minutes before it was over. He hadn’t even realised he’d been that close. Had completely missed Shouyou’s face and his expressions and hadn’t even gotten a chance to listen to him properly or hold him and now they’re tangled together with their treacherous hips still pressed together and the now sticky evidence of how much they rushed. 

All that waiting, all the care that they’d taken to make sure it was right, all the times Shouyou had said how important it was to him that they were good at it. 

Kageyama doesn’t even need to ask if he’s okay. He looks humiliated and shell shocked and anything but satisfied. 

“—Th-that doesn’t count!” Shouyou squeaks. Kageyama’s eyebrows shoot up to the ceiling and he feels his cheeks flame. “That—that wasn’t real… right?!”

He sounds hysterical but it looks like he has the right idea for dealing with what is about to be a very shitty situation _very_ quickly. 

“R-right!” Kageyama manages. 

It takes him long, awkward seconds to realise that he should probably move. That his underwear is starting to feel insanely gross and it’s not being helped by their bodies being plastered together. 

He shakily moves into a sitting position, allowing Shouyou to slowly come up himself. Kageyama watches him bring his knees up and readjust himself. He’s still so red and he’s been silent for longer than Kageyama feels comfortable with. He has a quiet, nerve-wracking thought that they might just sit there like that until someone calls about for the end of the world to finish their suffering.

Until he sees Shouyou bring both his palms up to his cheeks and _slap_ them so hard, the sound echoes in the room, making Kageyama jump. 

“What the—”

But he doesn’t get a chance to finish before Shouyou curls in on himself and half growls half screams, “ _Daaaammiiiiiiiiiit!”_

The only other time he’s used to seeing Shouyou like this is before a big game, but it’s even been a while since he’s done that. At the time and under those circumstances, Kageyama would usually just give him a hard slap on the back or a kick in the ribs. More than half the time, it was enough to get rid of his jitters. 

This is not pre-game jitters though and Kageyama is wildly out of his element with knowing how to deal with Shouyou right now. He’s really not used to being the one that’s calm when it comes to anything to do with their dicks being hard. Or… not… as the case currently is. 

He hits himself twice more before Kageyama wakes up from his stupified state and grabs his hands. “Woah, hey! Cut that out, you moron! You wanna knock your teeth out?”

Shouyou perks up a bit at that. “You think I’m strong enough to do that?!” he asks with the amount of hope that only a short person would be capable of.

Kageyama scowls at him and gives him a fairly light shove against his shoulder. Shouyou doesn’t expect it, and predictably, loses his balance and topples onto his side like a bowling pin. 

“Oh, suuure,” Kageyama says. “Natsu could probably give you a run for your money in an arm wrestle.”

It’s not technically true, nor is it very fair, because Shouyou is deceptively capable when it comes to his strength. He’s not sure how much of that is actually usable muscle and how much of it is Shouyou trying to prove himself all the time through sheer force of will. But in this situation, he knows that insulting him will do a whole lot more good in getting him to snap out of his funk than comforting him will. 

“What’s got you so freaked out? Weren’t you the one who tried to teach me how they _work?”_ he says, gesturing vaguely to both of their laps. 

He’s secretly relieved that it was Shouyou who freaked out first. He’s not going to tell him that. Maybe one day. But for now, he needs to preserve some level of dignity. And it was Shouyou’s decision to add silent freakouts to their list of prohibited sex-related things. 

Of course, Shouyou is _technically_ not breaking the rules, after all, seeing as that was the very opposite of a silent freakout. But it was still a very out-of-nowhere freakout, so Kageyama decides he’s allowed to count it under the list of things he deserves an answer to. 

“I don’t _know_ ,” he whines pitifully. “And, I know how they work, dummy! Probably more than _you_ did!” He’s not actually trying to pick a fight, this is his hysterical moment that he needs to work through and Kageyama is apparently his punching bag. “I just— Hnnnggg this was supposed to be so _awesome_ and we waited _ages_ and now it _sucked_. It didn’t even suck, you know, for _real_ , which would have been awesome, it sucked in the way that I’m all gross now and I didn’t even get to see you naked. This isn’t _fair_.”

The only thing that’s preventing him from short-circuiting in response to what he thinks Shouyou is implying there somewhere, is the fact that his boyfriend looks utterly miserable and defeated. He would fight the person who made him that way, but that person in this situation is, in some way, himself. 

So instead, he just whispers, “C’mere,” in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. Gentleness, subtlety and restraint are things that he tends to have to work at, but he’ll do it if it means Shouyou will smile again. 

Shouyou comes, though thankfully, not in his pants this time. He simply crawls into Kageyama’s arms. He even _feels_ miserable. Limp and lifeless. 

Kageyama doesn’t always understand his insecurities when Kageyama has only ever known him to be steadfast, loyal and driven with a terrifying sense of purpose. He doesn’t let things like fear, trauma or perfectionism stop him from surging forward. Kageyama sometimes aches to be that way. But even though he can’t understand Shouyou’s personal issues with himself, he’s certainly not short on issues of his own. So he just holds him and hopes that it’s enough. 

It’s a minute or so later, when Shouyou feels suitably pacified and starts wiggling in his arms, that Kageyama says, “Did you—” and pauses, because this is going to be _mortifying._ “Did you— I mean— did you want to do that?”

Shouyou turns around awkwardly in his arms to look at him with his lost puppy expression. “Do what?”

Kageyama blushes furiously. “What you… what you s-said earlier… when we were…” Considering how close he still is to Shouyou, he does not need to be thinking about that right now when very inconvenient things could happen. 

“ _Oh_.” He goes a little stiff in Kageyama’s hold and Kageyama prays to god that it’s not because he wants Kageyama to do those things with him the next time they try this. “No! Yes! No! I mean… no. Not now? God, _I don’t knooooow!_ ”

Not the answer he’d been hoping for. Mostly because it’s not actually _any_ kind of answer. “What does that even _mean_ , ‘you don’t know’?! Why did you say it then?”

Shouyou wriggles out of his hold and sits up properly. He starts waving his hands and gesturing as he speaks. “I don’t know! It just sort of… slipped out! You were— and I— anyway, _you_ were the one who ended up… you know,” he makes what can only be described as a gesture that Kageyama never wants to see again for as long as he lives, “after I said it!” At least he also looks fairly embarrassed by it. 

Kageyama feels the panicked need to defend himself, because there’s no way he’s letting Shouyou drag him down to whatever sex-crazed cave that his previous declaration crawled out of. 

“Well hearing you say it— like _that_ , I just—” The thought is one thing; startlingly hot, apparently, but, really, only in theory. He can't imagine anything more terrifying than the real thing so soon when they’ve not even managed to take their jeans off yet in each other’s presence. “That doesn’t mean I wanna do _that_ , you know… _right now._ ”

“Right!” Shouyou does a perfect impression of one of those souvenir dogs whose head just bobs up and down. Except his variation is much more enthusiastic and a lot more wide-eyed. “Me too! None of… that. I just, uh… I just said it, I don’t know why it came out.”

He puts his face in his hands and his eyes stare into the open space in front of him as though he’s praying for an end to this conversation. His eyes look both dead inside and fiercely panicked. 

“Because your brain is full of air and dicks these days,” Kageyama says. Who is he kidding, he’s got no chance at a moral high ground. Not when he’s spent the last few weeks borderline humping his mattress several times a week to the thought of sweaty ginger hair. 

Shouyou’s eyes grow wide and amused. “Well, Prudy-yama! You learnt a new word! Now we can have sex for real next time.”

Kageyama clips him round the head. “You’re a degenerate and I hate you. Maybe I won’t have sex with you, _ever.”_

Shouyou turns on him. Turns on him with beguiling eyes that have known him far too long it seems. He crawls the remaining distance towards him like a panther ready to eat him, except his expression is laughably put upon and full of false worry.

“Really?” he purrs, breathy and low and entirely full of fake innocence as to what he’s up to. God, why is this _working_ on him?

“Fuck off,” he grunts. “It’s your fault I’m so gross now. You and your not-so-real fantasies about… _that_.”

Shouyou smiles, before bumping his nose against the crook of Kageyama’s neck in which he assumes is a poor attempt at _nuzzling_. 

Kageyama seethes silently at how easily he’s been beaten yet again. “Five minutes, dumbass. I need a bath, yesterday.”

“Can I join you?” Shouyou asks in pointless optimism. 

“No.”

* * *

As luck would have it, they don’t get another night to themselves for another two whole weeks. 

For the first two weeks, it very nearly kills them. The shock of their failed first attempt behind them after a few days to cool off, they return to their normal routine now that Tokyo is over. 

Except that with the summer vacation opening them up to free time during school hours, outside of the increased practice time, there’s very little distraction. There’s very little stopping them from using any of the free time they would usually spend using their brains on other things - like volleyball and a very minute portion on school - on thinking about all the sex they’re _not_ having. 

There’s one point about ten days into it - when their parents’ schedules always _somehow_ manage to line up so that there’s physically nowhere for them to run away to for privacy - that Kageyama considers whether or not he even needs privacy after all. 

There’s a moment during a rare dinner at Shouyou’s house that Shouyou had run his foot up Kageyama’s leg while his mom got up from the table and bitten his lip as he looked Kageyama dead in the eye. Kageyama had wanted to kill him and kiss him in equal parts. 

More importantly, he had wanted to burn the whole place down at the thought of Shouyou’s foot being attached to his leg, which was attached to the rest of what he is almost a hundred per cent sure is a very nice body that is _naked under his clothes_. 

He had gripped his chopsticks tight enough to nearly snap them and mastered enough self-control to not excuse them both, drag Shouyou up to his godforsaken futon and do literally _whatever_ they could possibly get away with in the middle of the evening with everyone awake in the house and a little sister on the loose. 

Because now that there’s nothing but external circumstances preventing them from doing it, rather than their own nerves and jitters, every day feels like an age. 

It isn’t until a few days after the dinner that the spell breaks. 

Shouyou’s family celebrates the would-be birthday of Shouyou’s late father and everything about their relationship becomes about Kageyama learning to support and love his boyfriend more than he’d ever thought he was capable of. 

Kageyama is permitted to spend the day with Shouyou at his house in the afternoon and he almost wishes he hadn’t. 

He’d never seen what a truly fake smile looks like on Shouyou’s face until that day. There isn’t a single suggestion that Kageyama makes that Shoyuou is interested in taking up and he spends the day curled up in Kageyama’s lap in complete silence. A few hours into it, Kageyama feels his jeans become slightly wetter and he pretends he doesn’t notice. He just continues to play with Shouyou’s hair and stroke his back and think about how much he doesn’t deserve him in his life. His bravery, his stupidity, his heart that has so much capacity for love all the way from the biggest humans to the spiders he refuses to kill. 

More than anything, he thinks about how there will be many more years like this where Shouyou will need to cry. Not just for his dad, but for many other things as well. He’s been the unequivocal pillar of support in their relationship since the beginning and it’s worked for them just fine. 

But in that slowly darkening room, with Shouyou falling in and out of sleep in his lap as the evening goes on, Kageyama wants more than anything for his lap to be the one that Shouyou lays on any time he needs to cry. 

* * *

It takes Shouyou days to return to his normal self. There’s nothing so drastically different about him that Kageyama feels he has cause for concern, but there’s a stillness to his face that Kageyama decides he doesn’t like. 

He takes it upon himself to come up with a plan that will put a genuine smile on his boyfriend’s face outside of volleyball practice. If only he wasn’t as terrible at planned gestures as he is at sneaking into other people’s high schools.

Shouyou loves romance. Or at least, the movie-kind, something which Kageyama sort of barely tolerates, depending on his mood. It takes him a few days of painful deliberation and bad ideas, including buying Shouyou a new volleyball and giving him lap-sleeping privileges for life, before he comes to Shouyou’s house one evening and finds Natsu sitting in the living room, watching what appears to be an animated film filled with dogs. 

It takes him a moment to join the dots, but once he realises it’s the same movie Shouyou was rabbiting on about during his birthday date, he becomes obsessed with the idea over the next few hours. 

He stays up later than he’s supposed to in order to find and stream the movie once he gets home later that night. It’s pleasant enough and he doesn’t know anyone in the world who doesn't like a movie with dogs in it. 

The next day, he approaches his mother as she prepares lunch in the kitchen and says, “can we try to make bolognese?”

* * *

It goes about as well as can be expected. Kageyama insists that he wants to try and do all the steps himself, except he underestimates how much time he needs to let the sauce simmer for and so he ends up rushing like mad. His mom has never made anything like this in her entire life and is only as much help as not to let him burn the entire kitchen down.

Shouyou shows up to his house later in the evening and what Kageyama had hoped would be their first attempt at a date planned entirely by him, ends up being him greeting Shouyou at his genkan wearing a desperate expression and a shirt that has bolognese sauce stains on it. 

It at least does the job to make Shouyou smile, because he immediately delights in the ridiculousness of how Kageyama looks. It takes Kageyama a full ten minutes to compose himself before he can ask Shouyou into the dining room where he’s finally set the table. His mom just gives him a loving smile and a kiss to the forehead before she takes her tea and her book and goes up to her room.

Shouyou literally transforms in front of him and every hot splash of sauce and every confusing recipe he found online is made worth it by that smile. 

“Just so you know,” Kageyama says once they’re seated. “I’m not rolling anything over to you with my nose.”

Shouyou’s eyes sparkle as he looks from his plate of spaghetti to Kageyama. “You watched the movie?”

Kageyama simply grumbles and tells him to eat his food. It’s easier than doing something utterly stupid like telling him he loves him.

Kageyama avoids any talk of Shouyou’s dad and Shouyou clearly doesn’t feel the need to talk about it because he doesn’t bring it up. He’s hardly one to hide what he’s thinking, after all. But he looks more at peace and settled than Kageyama has seen him in days and he finally feels like things might be returning back to normal.

It’s about twenty minutes later when they’ve both finished their food and the conversation naturally falls to volleyball, that his mom pads downstairs in her nurse’s uniform. 

“Did you get called in?”

“Unfortunately, yeah,” she says as she wanders around collecting her things. “But I’ll be back in the morning. Shouyou, you’re welcome to spend the night. I know I can trust you two to keep the TV volume down to a minimum.” 

“Sure thing,” Kageyama says. She smiles at him and kisses the side of his forehead, before heading for the front door. 

Kageyama takes their plates to the kitchen and washes up. It’s usually Shouyou who revels in domesticity like this, but Kageyama thinks he might see where he’s coming from. It’s amazing knowing that when he turns back around and goes into the room, Shouyou will be there waiting for him. 

“Even if we didn’t get to play with our food,” Shouyou says when Kageyama sits back down at the table. “Do I get to give you a kiss and pretend it was because we both ate the same bit of spaghetti?” 

Kageyama nods and tries not to smile. Shouyou gets up and sits in a chair next to him, sliding it over ever so slightly and kisses him soft and sweet on the mouth. Kageyama can still taste some of the food they ate. 

Shouyou then wraps one arm around his waist and snuggles close. And there’s that cotton candy smell again. Maybe he already took his evening bath. 

“You were amazing this week,” Shouyou whispers. “Thank you.” 

Which is an incredible statement to make considering Kageyama did almost nothing and Shouyou bore the weight of something he doesn’t want to imagine. _He’s_ the one that’s amazing out of the two of them. 

He just kisses the top of this forehead and hopes it’s a decent substitute for the words he’s no good at. 

He feels Shouyou stiffen slightly and for a moment he’s worried that maybe he’ll start crying. But then, he looks up and murmurs, “Tobio… we’re alone…” 

And just like that, Kageyama feels the world around them melt away like it’s being painted out of existence. All that’s left is the two of them and the privacy they were certainly not expecting today.

A slow, pleasant warmth runs up his spine as he looks into Shouyou’s eyes. He wonders if they’ll ever grow tired of being this hungry for each other. Not just for each other’s bodies - that’s a fairly new thing - but for everything else. It’s the way it’s been since the day they first met and he can’t imagine it will stop any time soon. 

Shouyou’s eyes blink down to Kageyama’s hand and he traces the back of it with his thumb, turning that warmth in his spine into a slowly burning fire. 

He looks back up at him with a soft, determined, powerful gaze and doesn’t miss a beat or stutter in the slightest when he says in a low breath, “I wanna go up to your room.”

Kageyama swallows but manages to find the breath to say, “Yeah…”

Shouyou’s eyes immediately grow concerned when Kageyama shifts so they can stand up and do just that. 

“Something wrong?” he asks. It’s not too unusual for Shouyou to change his mind about stuff, but it seems like five seconds is a pretty short turnaround. 

He nearly strangles him when Shouyou just squeaks out, “I have to pee.”

* * *

Once they get up to Kageyama’s room, Shouyou wastes no time in making sure they’re back where they started two weeks ago. He gets up on his tip toes and kisses Kageyama, smiling against his mouth, and helps to take his t-shirt off. Kageyama takes Shouyou’s off in return and he still looks a little embarrassed, but not nervous. 

In their standing position, Kageyama can really take in what his boyfriend looks like shirtless. His eyes dance over his shoulders, his arms and his skinny body. He can already tell that he won’t stay that way forever. He might not have had free reign to touch and feel him naked, but the times he’s massaged Shouyou’s thighs as they’ve made out have already proved to him that his body has plenty of potential for muscle growth. It’s just that not all his muscles have had the chance to be as thoroughly used as his thighs have. 

He doesn’t know if he’ll miss the way Shouyou looks now when the inevitable happens and his muscle mass catches up to any new training he might do, especially when he continues to play into adulthood. He plans on memorising and savouring this version of Shouyou, on the smaller side and full of boundless energy, the one he met first and fell in love with, for as long as he can during the tiny window of time he has left to look like this. 

It isn’t till he trails his eyes downwards that he notices it for the first time; a tiny, _tiny_ pocket of fat on his lower abdomen. Only visible because the rest of his stomach is so flat and his frame is so small. It doesn’t seem to exist when Shouyou is wearing clothes and the only reason Kageyama has even noticed it now is because he’s practically studying him rather than just sneaking glances in the baths hoping that their teammates won’t make fun of them for it. 

It’s utterly hypnotising. He wants to press his face into the skin there. He wants to see if it’s as soft as it looks. His stomach flips at the knowledge that he’s probably the only person who even knows that that little pouch of fat is there. Because he’s the only one Shouyou has ever wanted to do this with. 

“You’re so…” he says, running his hands up Shouyou’s arms and burying his face in his neck to see what he smells like there today. It’s always a little different, even if it’s familiar. “So…” 

Shouyou giggles and kisses Kageyama’s collarbone. “What?”

“Gorgeous,” Kageyama breathes into his skin. “Irritating and _gorgeous_.”

He hears Shouyou’s breath catch. The right thing to say then, apparently. 

He can’t keep himself upright for much longer though, so he grabs Shouyou by his waist, hoists him up and half carries him the three or four steps to the bed, placing him as gently as he can with a hand behind his head and one on his back. 

Shouyou lets out what sounds like a delighted little squeak and once he’s on his back, Kageyama can see that his face is blushed and his eyes are glazed over. He quickly files that information away, if not for later, then for _sometime._ Because they get to do this again and again and for as long as they’re together and it makes Kageyama dizzy. 

His mind is flooded with too many possibilities, not enough information. God, maybe he should have read more. He just strokes Shouyou’s cheek as he feels himself slowly grow hard from the knowledge of what they’re about to do together.

“W-what— what do you wanna do?” he says between deep, steadying breaths. 

“ _Kiss_ me.”

It’s not even close to unsure. Shouyou isn’t asking him. And Kageyama folds like a stack of cards. 

They kiss long and hard and _this_ much, at least, he’s familiar with. It calms whatever residual nerves had been reminding him that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Because they’ve kissed so many times now and just two weeks ago they were in this exact position. 

Only now, Kageyama forces himself not to get caught up in the frenzy of it. He forces himself to be patient. Instead of letting his thudding heart drown out all other sensations, he lets himself feel how warm their skin is getting. He doesn’t just focus on the feel of his cock trapped in his jeans and how good that feels, but delights in the way their chests are rubbing together as they kiss. 

Shouyou slides his tongue into his mouth and Kageyama puts his knowledge to good use and sucks on it gently, cupping his jaw as he does. He kisses the corner of Shouyou’s mouth, wet and possessive, kisses the side of his face and makes a feather-light trail to his neck where he just breaths and peppers small kisses around the area. 

When he just gently mouths at his throat, Shouyou gives him a breathy giggle that definitely doesn’t hide how turned on he is. “Y-you’re not gonna do it?”

He smiles and mouths a trail up to his ear. “Do what?” 

“Bite me?”

Kageyama might hate it, but it is true that he’s not called Oikawa’s disciple for nothing. He definitely knows how to drive someone crazy if he has to. Albeit, it’s never been sexual before now. He opens and closes his mouth several times, just enjoying the way it makes Shouyou squirm every time he thinks he’s about to get it. 

Until finally, Kageyama slowly sinks his teeth into the hollow of his throat and sucks just hard enough to make Shouyou arch and gasp. He bucks up against Kageyama’s leg and he can feel that he’s just as hard as he is. Kageyama lowers himself completely so that he’s covering Shouyou from head to toe, all the while indulging in his neck. 

The moan that he receives in response vibrates through straight to Kageyama’s chest. He can already feel the tiniest bit of wetness to their skin as they start to sweat, the summer heat pretty unforgiving, even in the evening. 

“You’re so…” Shouyou whines in between kisses. “You’re _big_.”

“Huh?” He’s not sure if he’s missed a step. 

“ _Big_ … like…” He feels Shouyou runs his hands up and down his back, his arms, touch his waist and his hips. “Just… all over.” 

What’s confusing him more is that that is _definitely_ Shouyou’s _annoyed_ voice. Or at least frustrated. The two can blend into one depending on the circumstances. 

“Um… sorry?”

“You should be.” He punctuates his verdict with a hard, closed-mouthed kiss. “It’s so annoying.” Another kiss. “I can’t stand people being bigger than me, so why does it feel so _good_ when it’s with you?! _Urgh_!”

It’s hard to figure out through the fog of arousal whether or not he’s being given a compliment, but he thinks he is. It makes his toes curl to think that Shouyou enjoys Kageyama being bigger than him in the same way that _he_ loves Shouyou being smaller than him. Or at least, it makes him feel less guilty about it. 

It also makes a lot of details from the last couple of months make a lot more sense. 

“Is that why you like it so much when I put my hands here?” Kageyama murmurs in his ear and slides both his hands to Shouyou’s waist. If he spreads his fingers wide enough, he can pretty much cover the entire area with his palms, a perfect combination of both their respective sizes. 

“Oh _god_ ,” Shouyou whimpers, pressing his forehead to Kageyama’s shoulder. “ _Please_ take your pants off.”

Well, it was nice feeling in control of himself while it lasted. 

But Shouyou has a point. The last thing they need is a repeat of last time.

Shouyou’s already pawing at the waist of his jeans, mindlessly trying to push them down while still trying to kiss. Multitasking has never been this thing and he doesn’t realise that Kageyama hasn't even undone his zipper yet. 

“God, wait, w-wait…” he pants, trying to get a hand between them so he can help make this quicker. It takes him three tries, but he gets his zip down and Shouyou sighs in relief as he’s better able to push his jeans down even a little.

“Wait, you… you too.” 

He sits up and Shouyou whines at the loss of contact between them. It sends butterflies straight to Kageyama’s stomach to see how gone Shouyou already is. It’s not that he’s shy when they’re together like this, but right now he seems very close to losing all sense of normal human emotions like pride or embarrassment. 

Kageyama sits back on his haunches and hastily undoes Shouyou’s jeans, tugging at the legs to pull them off as quickly as possible. It takes several tries and he has to pull from the bottom to get them off all the way, throwing them onto the floor. 

“Yours… _yours_ ,” Shouyou moans and motions to Kageyama’s half-removed jeans. He huffs in frustration and wriggles out of them the rest of the way, tossing them to the floor. 

When he finally gets a proper look at Shouyou lying back in his bed, shirtless and jeanless and gloriously naked except for his briefs and his ridiculous striped socks, he feels his cock throb in his own underwear. 

His legs have always looked strong beneath his uniform shorts but seeing _all_ of them is something else. He reaches out to touch them and feels the muscles twitch beneath his fingertips as Shouyou shivers. There’s not enough time in the world for the miles of skin he gets to look at. 

God, how could he have been scared of this before. There’s nowhere else he belongs more. Maybe not with another person, but here, with _this_ person, it’s exactly where he’s meant to be. 

And then he sees that stupid, annoying, _gorgeous_ tummy once again. It’s not as obvious now that Shouyou is flat on his back, but Kageyama _knows_ it’s there. Like a duck to water, he moves his hand from Shouyou’s muscled thigh past his clearly hard cock, before he strokes and pats the soft skin of his abdomen. 

Shouyou chuckles but doesn’t stop him. “You know I can't get pregnant, right?” he asks quietly. 

“For god’s sake,” Kageyama huffs. “I will suffocate you with a pillow, I swear to god.”

“Well, why are you... rubbing it? Like there’s a baby in there?”

“I’m not— that’s not why—” How is he supposed to tell him that he finds his stomach incredibly attractive simply because it doesn’t look how he expected it to. “I just…” 

Shouyou’s eyes droop a little and Kegeyama feels his breaths come a little faster where he still has a hand pressed to his tummy. “Is… do you think it’s weird or something?” 

“No, _god_ …” He doesn’t have the words to express how much that _isn’t_ the case. “Can I…”

It’s like he’s transfixed. He doesn’t even realise he’s moving his head until he has his entire face pressed to the softness of Shouyou’s tummy. He holds onto his hips and just breaths him in, pressing a long, meaningful kiss to it. If he could stand right now, he’d wish they were upright so he could see it sticking out again that tiniest bit. 

“T-Tobio,” he giggles, but Kageyama can feel his cock under his forearm and it twitches with every single kiss.

He feels himself pulled up and once again until he’s half on top of Shouyou, their legs tangled together. Kageyama is pressed against his hip, his own thigh right up against Shouyou’s cock. 

There’s so much skin now that it’s like neither of them know where to start. Kageyama tries to kiss him everywhere he can reach and touch him in the places he can’t. He’s still a little too scared to touch Shouyou where he clearly wants him to, but as they slowly move together, he’s getting more than enough attention from the friction alone. 

He tries so hard to remember every detail. Every change in pitch and what each little gasp might mean. Most of these places, he’s kissed before - his neck, his shoulder, his eager mouth - but he feels the desperate need to memorise every new noise so he can make this as good as he can, make up for his lack of expertise with resourcefulness. But there are too many noises, too many reactions. And the more turned on he gets from Shouyou’s own apparent attempts at exploration, the less he’s able to concentrate. 

They lazily roll around a couple of times, to their sides, back onto the bed until Shouyou finds himself directly on top. He presses his hips down, the same way Kageyama had the last time they did this. 

“Okay?” he says. 

Kageyama looks down and notices a wet spot on the front of both of their briefs and he whimpers. “Y-yeah…”

In this position, he’s starkly aware of how Shouyou’s back is well within his reach, and more importantly, his ass. He tentatively - or at least, far more tentatively than he had against the wall of the gym in Tokyo - brings his hands to Shouyou’s ass, moaning at how full it feels and how much easier it is to squeeze without an extra layer of fabric in the way. 

Shouyou agrees, because he moans his appreciation into Kageyama’s mouth.

“I thought…” he pants in between kisses, but his words have a definite tease to them. It sounds like he’s laughing. “That we… w-we weren’t doing… _that_.”

Kageyama screws his eyes shut and bites out a groan. “God, _shut up_ ,” he huffs. “You want this to be over in two seconds again?”

Shouyou laughs and kisses Kageyama’s nose, then his forehead, but brings his hips down in another roll against Kageyama’s. 

“Just messing with you,” he says. “This— this is really good but… can we— without our…”

Kageyama feels a hand sneak between them and trace his cock through his underwear. Just gently, like it’s a question. He doesn’t know how he’ll survive once they take their underwear off but if this is how he’s going to die, there are probably worse ways to go. 

In what is probably a terrible idea, they both seem to instinctively reach for each other’s waistbands. Kageyama slides Shouyou’s briefs over his cheeks and Shouyou tries to wriggle Kageyama’s ones down his body; a little more difficult with him on his back. 

Once they’re completely naked, there’s an agonising second where Shouyou keeps his hips raised and they both just stare into each other’s eyes, too scared to look down. It’s not out of the question that Kageyama could come on the spot. 

Shouyou, always the brave one, looks down first and heaves. Kageyama follows his lead and looks down to see Shouyou hard and so wet at the tip that Kageyama knows from his own experience how easy it would be to pump his hand up and down over it. 

It’s thicker than he’d expected. Not that he’d expected much - he’s never seen a man’s hard dick before in real life outside of a few attempts at porn, so it’s not like he has anything to compare it to - but on the rest of Shouyou’s small body, it’s pretty impressive. 

Shouyou whines and hides in Kageyama’s neck.

“What’s wrong?” Kageyama asks.

“Nothing…” Which of course, means it’s most definitely _something._ “It’s just, uh… b-bigger… than it looks normally. It’s bigger like this…”

Kageyama throbs at the sort-of compliment and his cheeks flame at the fact that he knows Shouyou can either feel it or _see_ it now. “Oh, um… yeah, I guess it— wait…” He registers the entirety of Shouyou’s sentence. “Have you been _creeping_ on me?”

“N-no!” 

“You’ve been looking at me in the baths, you little pervert.” He’s not sure if he’s more embarrassed for his past self or his present self. 

“Y-You’ve been looking at me too!” Shouyou squawks. He’s not _wrong_ , but Kageyama isn’t sure how two wrongs are supposed to make a right in this scenario. Or is it even wrong to stare at your boyfriend’s naked and slippery body in a public bath? “Otherwise how would you be so obsessed with my tummy.”

“I’m not obsessed—”

“—Nuh-uh, no excuses.” Kageyama knows that tone very well. It’s reserved for when Shouyou is certain he’s got the higher ground. Metaphorically speaking, of course. “Maybe I won’t let you anywhere near my tummy for being a creeper and trying to blame it on me.”

“What the—” 

But Shouyou kisses him before he can finish his retort. Not a bad compromise all things considered. He kisses him deep and slides his tongue into Kageyama’s mouth, tracing his teeth and making him lose his mind. 

He pulls back and stares down again. “Can I…” he eyes his Kageyama’s wet cock with clear interest and all Kageyama can do under that sort of attentiveness is nod. 

The second Shouyou’s hand is around him, his entire body comes to life and _both_ of them moan obnoxiously loud. 

He could never have imagined this. How can it be so different when it’s someone else’s hand? 

“ _Ah—”_ He twitches and leaks into Shouyou’s palm and his gasp eggs Shouyou on. 

He starts moving his hand up and down. Predictably, the slickness gives off dirty, wet noises in the room that make Kageyama’s toes curl. They’re embarrassing enough as it is on his own but knowing that Shouyou is not only hearing them but the direct _cause_ of them is unravelling. 

He’s turned on enough that he doesn’t even think when his own hand moves between them to grab Shouyou’s erection.

“ _Oh—_ Oh god—” 

Kageyama brings his other hand to the back of Shouyou’s hair and slams their mouths together because if he hears one more sound like that out of him, he’s going to come. 

It’s so similar but so strikingly different to the feel of his own dick in his hand. Not just the shape, but the angle. He unwillingly bucks up into Shouyou’s hand every time he catches at the head and he tries to replicate the same on him. He only manages it a couple of times. It’s too much, too slick, too many hands. They’re not _close_ enough and his body is desperate in ways he’s never dreamt it was capable of. 

Shouyou rips his mouth away from him and gasps, “Tobio— can we _ah—_ ” Kageyama manages to find a rhythm and rubs his thumb over the head of Shouyou’s cock. “L-Like we used to— pressed together, can we— like that—”

Kageyama kisses him and presses against his lower back so Shouyou sinks down over him. He can feel where their legs are tangled together that Shouyou is still wearing his socks, but Kageyama doesn’t care. He feels the wetness in the groove of his hips and Shouyou’s hands all over him trying to find purchase and there’s no more room for things like awkwardness or weirdness. There’s only heat and bodies and the smell of their precum that’s making Kageyama bite his lip. 

But it’s still not _right_. Shouyou is in charge of the rhythm and is either trying to line them up or slot into the V of Kageyama’s hips. He has no idea if his hand is big enough to fit around the two of them but it’s worth a try because the barely-there catches of his cockhead against Shouyou’s fucking _belly_ are making him want to claw the bedsheets to shreds. 

“Let me— my hand, let me— g-get my hand around us—” Kageyama groans.

He rolls them for what feels like the hundredth time, but Shouyou lets himself be manhandled with no resistance. If anything, he goes boneless under the power of Kageyama’s ability to move him so easily. 

Shouyou’s eyes are wet and wild when Kageyama looks down at him, his hair ruined from the pillows and Kageyama’s fingers. It’s not just his hair. His mouth is ruined, his neck is ruined. But Kageyama thinks it’s only fair, seeing as Shouyou’s done the same to him a hundred times over, not just with Kageyama’s body, but his entire heart. 

Kageyama looks down to see what he’s doing and takes long, deep breaths at the sight of their cocks so close. He forces himself to _look_ as he presses them together. He doesn’t account for Shouyou bucking up at the first touch, but he probably should have. 

It tears a gasp out of him as the tips of their cocks rub together.

“H-Hang on…”

“ _Nhnggg._ ”

It doesn’t look like Shouyou will be waiting for anyone. 

_Somehow_ , he manages to line them up and the first thrust of his hips lights his nerve endings on fire. 

“ _Ah—”_ Shouyou arches, digs one hand into Kageyama’s shoulder and fists the other one into the pillow. 

Kageyama has no idea if he can even still hear him, but he pants out anyway, “Press up against me. Just— Oh—”

He has no clue if they’re doing this right. If this is even something people _do._ But if they’re not, then they should. Because as soon as he finds the proper angle and stops worrying, everything else fades away.

All that remains is Shouyou’s screwed up face and the tension in both their muscles and the longing they’ve had for each other for so long. Shouyou’s probably burned with it for much longer than Kageyama has but it’s no less overwhelming for him. 

They find a dirty, filthy rhythm, Kageyama bearing down and Shouyou bucking up with no sense of finesse or style. Just raw, animal instinct chasing what it knows feels good. There’s so much slickness that Kageyama’s finding it hard to keep a good grip on them both. He’s finding it hard to _breathe._

“Please— _please._ ”

He has no clue what Shouyou is begging for, but it makes Kageyama want to bury his face in his neck and snap his hips harder. So that’s exactly what he does. Shouyou wraps his legs around him as Kageyama starts to thrust harder, letting out gasps littered with his name. He holds onto his back and attaches his lips to Kageyama’s throat.

It’s so, _so_ similar to what they were doing before. But this time, there’s no reason to stop. They don’t ever have to stop again. They both want it so bad and Kageyama can taste how close he is on the tip of his tongue. 

He tries to say as much but it comes out mostly as, “I’m gonna—I’m—”

It’s more than enough. Shouyou digs his legs in deeper and fights him for control of the rhythm as he whines “ _Yess…_ I want it, I want it _—”_

Kageyama stops breathing for a second when he comes. He curls in on himself and the sound he tries to suppress comes out as a growl instead. He covers Shouyou’s cock and his heaving belly with his come for what feels like forever, his entire body alight with pleasure. He comes so hard that his ears pop, but he still hears Shouyou’s desperate whining and he realises it’s because he’s stopped moving. And Shouyou is still hard. 

It takes less than five hard, precise pumps of his hand for Shouyou to buck and whine up to the ceiling and make both of them go from messy to disgusting. 

He temporarily loses the strength in his arms to keep himself upright and has to lay plastered to Shouyou’s side as he catches his breath. Shouyou puts his hands in Kageyama’s hair and he sounds equally as breathless. 

After a minute of silence, Shouyou rolls himself slightly so he has access to Kageyama’s neck. 

“God…” he sighs. Kageyama completely agrees.

He still feels a little overwhelmed in the best way possible and so he doesn’t see it coming when Shouyou starts pressing open-mouthed kisses there. His oversensitive body twitches at the feel of Shouyou’s mouth so soon after a shattering orgasm and he feels him smile into his throat. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs. “I just haven't kissed you properly here yet. You distracted me.”

“P-Pretty decent distraction I’d say,” Kageyama says and a sound catches in his throat when Shouyou plays it dirty and sucks into that spot at the base of his neck that he knows sends Kageyama’s sanity straight out the window.

Kageyama’s cock protests in confusion, having just come not two minutes ago, but he can already feel Shouyou’s mouth working its devil’s magic as he takes delighted effort in the hickey he’s sucking noisily into his neck. 

“Oh…” he whispers, but it’s more of a surprised sound. Kageyama strains his eyes to see that Shouyou is staring down at his own dick. “I’m hard again… do you think that’s normal?”

Kageyama has no idea. But what he does know is that there’s too much space between them. 

He growls as he takes Shouyou’s mouth and turns his body so they’re side-by-side but plastered together. He feels both of their come and _fuck_ , they should have cleaned off but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t care about that or school, or leaving this room. 

He thinks for a second that they could just slide together like this side by side until they’re covered in it, until their bodies just pass out on their own. But then Shouyou pants against his mouth,

“W-Wait, I… I wanna…” 

“What?”

Shouyou kisses him once more and looks down to the mess between them. It’s mostly dried now, but they’ve both started leaking precum again, Shouyou being the worst offender, because of course he is. He looks completely vacant as he stares at it and even runs his finger through whatever’s left that’s wet. Kageyama shuts his eyes. 

“I wanna… do something. Will you let me?”

“Depends what it is,” Kageyama says as though he wouldn’t give Shouyou everything.

“You can stop me if you don’t like it. Deal?”

Kageyama raises his eyebrows. If Shouyou’s not willing to say it, then it must be… interesting…

Shouyou kisses his mouth again and then encourages him to lay on his back while he shimmies down his body. _Still_ wearing those damn socks. Kageyama doesn’t know if it makes him love him more or hate him. 

Kageyama blames the collective rush of his recent orgasm, the still throbbing bruise in his neck and the feel of Shouyou’s mouth on him that it takes him so long to notice Shouyou’s trajectory.

He comes up onto his elbows to see Shouyou getting comfortable on his stomach and staring with great interest - _hunger,_ more like - at Kageyama’s hard cock. 

“You’re— you’re gonna…”

“Is that okay?” Shouyou asks. _Now,_ he decides to act shy? 

“Are you sure you… want to…?”

“ _Yes._ ”

It’s all the conversation they need.

Shouyou gently grasps Kageyama by his cock and Kageyama has to lay back down against the mattress if he’s going to last more than two seconds. Shouyou’s eyes look equal parts inquisitive and also like they’d have the capability to eat him raw and he _can’t_ look at them when Shouyou’s mouth is also about to be involved.

The first touch of Shouyou’s mouth against his shaft is pure torture. It’s soft and tentative - of course it is, because Shouyou has never done this before and wants to be perfect at it - but it becomes wetter and sloppier as he assumes Shouyou gets used to the taste. And god, he _cannot_ think about that right now because he’s going to go down very dangerous pathways thinking about how _Shouyou_ might taste…

He feels Shouyou’s sucking kisses turn to one long lick from root to tip and Kageyama whimpers. He wishes he could help him, give him instruction like he does on the court, be _useful_ , but he’s woefully unprepared and can only lay there and fist his hands in the sheets as Shouyou’s tongue reaches the head. 

He swirls it around a couple of times, making Kageyama whimper, and then he feels nothing for a few seconds. He pops back up on his elbows to see what’s wrong and finds out that Shouyou is licking his lips, _savouring_ Kageyama’s precum. 

He nearly loses it there and then. 

He makes the mistake of looking into Shouyou’s eyes when Shouyou opens his mouth wide, clearly ready to _finally_ take Kageyama into his mouth properly. He’s going to come the second he feels it. He knows it. He grits his teeth and waits for the humiliation.

And then Shouyou sinks his entire mouth around his dick—

“— _Fuck,_ Shou, not so fucking fast—”

Gags —

“ _Shit—”_

And pulls off, coughing. 

“You okay?” Kageyama pants. He really doesn’t want to have to bury his boyfriend when they’re just about to have sex for the second time that night. 

“Yep!” Shouyou squeaks out in between coughs. He holds up an _okay_ sign despite the fact that he’s anything but. 

“For fuck sake,” Kageyama growls. “I know you throw up a lot, but I’d rather you didn’t do it on me. Your stubborn ass is going to get you killed one day, is this how you wanna go? Choking on my…” 

He looks away, blushing.

“What a way to go though…” Shouyou says dreamily, his fit apparently a distant memory. 

“Dumbass,” he grits out.

“No more choking, I promise!” He does his ridiculous salute. 

“Just… be fucking careful…” Kageyama grumbles. _Somehow_ , his dick didn’t get the memo yet and still stands obnoxiously hard between them. 

“Make it up to you?” Shouyou purrs and Kageyama whimpers pathetically. 

As a last attempt to make sure Shouyou listens, he reaches down and puts one hand gently on his jaw. “Just… slowly, okay? We can… we can practise, okay?”

Shouyou responds with a luxurious lick from root to tip and a, “Mmmmmm.”

Kageyama hopes the message got through, because he’s done forming complete sentences. 

Shouyou takes him into his mouth slower this time and only as much as he can manage. Kageyama feels his hand grip the part of him that he can’t quite fit - _yet._

He has no hopes of this lasting any reasonable amount of time. He’s only _human._ The pressure, the friction, the _wet._ It’s like nothing he’s felt using his hand, no matter if he licked it, no matter if he was so wet he didn’t _need_ to. Because now there’s suction and a tongue involved and it’s running over him, catching on the underside of his head now and then and making him fist the sheets so he doesn’t buck up and hurt Shouyou. 

It’s, so, so wet. So wet it’s almost gross but it only makes him _harder_. Shouyou is moaning around him, literally _rejoicing_ at having Kageyama’s dick in his mouth and why is that mind-numbingly hot? He can feel himself leaking non stop onto Shouyou’s tongue. He doesn’t know how there’ll be anything left to come with at this rate, but even if he comes in a puff of air, he doesn’t care because he’s going to come so hard he’ll never come back down to earth.

He manages to last long enough not to embarrass himself and it’s only because Shouyou has to take tiny little breaks because the idiot still hasn’t learnt how to remember to breathe through his nose. It’s the same when they’re kissing for long minutes. In the moments he’s not sucking him, he’s kissing down his shaft or flicking his tongue into his slit, like he’s trying to encourage more precum to come out. 

Eventually, the pressure builds in his stomach, his thighs, his lower back, and he knows he needs to warm Shouyou before he loses his speech altogether. 

“I—I—I’m gonna—Shou—”

He prays that he hears him. He can’t do any more. He feels the sweat pool behind his knees and under his arms. His hairs stand on end and he feels lightheaded as he gets closer and closer to the edge. 

_Thankfully_ , Shouyou isn’t stupid enough to try anything, at least not this first time, and Kageyama feels the pressure of his mouth leave him. It’s physically painful to resist the urge to grab his head and shove him back down into it until he comes. It’s a horrible, animal urge that he blames his hormones for.

As he relaxes against the mattress, knowing that Shouyou won’t hurt himself, he enjoys his orgasm building as Shouyou’s wet fist pumps him, his lips pressing kisses to the base. 

In the end, he’s shocked into orgasm by Shouyou’s thumb pressing to the underside of his head. He comes all over his own stomach with horrendous little _Ah, Ah, Ah’s_ that are literally torn from him by force. 

He’s swimming in an ocean of white noise as he comes back to earth. It’s only the slowly emerging sound of mewling that attracts his attention. He groggily looks down to where Shouyou has his face pressed into his thigh, making bitten off little whimpers, his right arm bouncing in a sharp rhythm.

Kageyama hears the wet sound and realises he’s _jerking himself off._

“God, c’mere,” he groans, pulling Shouyou up to him. He looks and sounds like he might _cry_. Kageyama certainly knows the feeling. 

_“Please,_ ” he wheezes. Yes, he’s _definitely_ past the point of pride.

There’s no way Kageyama would ever be able to return the favour right now. He’s so overwhelmed that he’s practically close to tears himself. He can’t risk hurting Shouyou or making a total idiot of himself. And judging by his state, he won’t need much. 

“C’mere, c’mere,” he urges, trying to sit up, at least partially, against his headboard. He moves Shouyou - not an easy feat when he’s 164cm of burning arousal and barely responsive to anything that doesn’t involve having his dick touched - so he’s sitting in his lap, his back to Kageyama’s chest. 

He puts his hand around Shouyou’s hard, wet cock and Shouyou grips Kageyama’s thighs, bucking into his hand. He could have jerked him off from any angle, to be honest, but he has a very specific goal in mind and he’s not going to stop until he’s achieved it. And this is the most familiar angle he’ll have when it comes to touching someone like this. 

He keeps a slow, steady pace on Shouyou’s dick and with his left hand, he moves the sweaty hair away from the nape of his neck; one of his most sensitive areas that Kageyama’s found to date.

“Hold onto me, I’ve got you,” he breathes into the back of Shouyou’s neck, before speeding up his hand, each slap sharp and audible. Just as he hears Shouyou’s shocked little gasps and feels his body tighten, he puts his mouth over the back of his neck and _sucks._

Shouyou curls in on himself so hard when he comes that Kageyama has to follow him in order to keep his mouth where it is. And it's so, so worth it. Shouyou makes noises so delicious that Kageyama wonders if he has a third wind in him. He doesn’t, but he must have learnt the power of optimism from someone. 

He holds Shouyou tightly around his waist as he bucks and his abs clench and spills pulse after pulse over Kageyama’s fist, before finally letting his body go limp and pliant in his arm, utterly spent and exhausted. 

What follows, is one of the longest silences they’ve experienced in a while.

In the limited research he’s done about this, Kageyama remembers once coming across an article that described the incredible bonding power that apparently comes with sex. That it would make the person you did it with fall in love with your forever and vice versa. He still doesn’t believe it’s true. Or at least, not to the extent that the author meant it. 

But for the first time, he thinks he might understand what they might have been trying to relate to. He can’t fall in love with Shouyou, of course. You can’t fall in love with someone a second time, can you? But when Shouyou melts into Kageyama’s hold and turns his head to blink up awkwardly at him in their slightly uncomfortable angle, he knows for sure that he’s discovered at least a tiny portion of love that wasn’t available to him before. He would have loved Shouyou without sex. He would have loved Shouyou without kisses. But in all the ways that they love and are loved by other people in their lives, this one moment will be unique to them and only them. No matter if he messes this up. No matter if their time together is only meant to be limited because they’re stupid teenagers and things don’t work out that way in the real world. No matter if either of them ever go this far with another person one day. This day, this evening, this hold that he has on Shouyou’s body and the kiss he places in his sweaty hair - that’s theirs, and it always will be. 

“I feel… _awesome_ ,” Shouyou slurs like he’s been drugged. 

Kageyama smiles against his hair. “So do I,” he says and keeps the _I love you_ for himself.

* * *

They nearly fall asleep right there, but somehow they mutually encourage each other to clean off, at least partially. The sheets are surprisingly salvageable, so they just get dressed and pad down to the kitchen to try and scrounge some food. 

Kageyama makes them some toast, because they’re both too exhausted for anything else and refuses to keep instant noodle pots in his house, even for Shouyou’s sake. 

Shouyou must certainly be feeling whatever pull there is between them in the aftermath too, because he spends the entire time glued to Kageyama’s side and Kageyama adores every second of it. 

As nice as it is though, Kageyama doesn’t confide in him that he’s worried that this might change their dynamic. That as amazing and mindblowing as sex clearly is, there will be yet another rule change in their relationship that he’ll have to deal with. 

His worries are disbanded almost as soon as they arrive when they get back upstairs. They eat on top of his made bed and get crumbs everywhere. Kageyama blames Shouyou, Shouyou blames Kageyama and they get into a five-minute argument which ends with them not speaking for ten. 

As with all their arguments, if they can even be called that, it ends the second something more interesting happens. Shouyou gets a notification on his phone about a player change in the volleyball season and the rest of the night is spent in heated discussion. 

When they finally go to bed that night, Shouyou on his back, Kageyama pressed to his side, he knows that he has absolutely nothing to worry about. That sex, whatever form it takes, and however good or bad they are at it, won’t change who they are. It will always be this way between them for as long as they’re stupid enough to make a try for it. 

“T’bio?” Shouyou slurs, moments away from sleep,

“Mmm?”

“We should make a set of codewords for sex. For when we practise.”

Kageyama chuckles. 

“I think…” he says, pressing a kiss to Shouyou’s clothed chest. “That maybe we’re advanced enough to practise without code words.”

There’s a silence, before Shouyou murmurs, “So does that mean I’m not allowed to call you King of the Bed? Ask for a King’s toss? Tell you to show me what a _Dick_ tator you can b _—”_

Kageyama bites Shouyou in the arm and his nasally, carefree cackling is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW you guys watched that rating go from M to E ;) 
> 
> There we have it, folks! The boys are happy and sated and thoroughly deflowered and on Hinata's birthday no less ;) Well, technically it's just gone midnight in my timezone, but I know for a fact it's still the 21st somewhere in the world!!!
> 
> *
> 
> Now you may be thinking to yourselves, Roxanne, you could have written this story in a quarter of the word count if you weren't so obsessed with dialogue, angst and working things out. And you're absolutely right! Is this the most realistic interpretation of how a real first time between them might have gone? Honestly? It's hard for me to say. In my heart of hearts, I like to think that based on what we know of them as characters, this is one possible avenue they could have taken in their journey to intimacy. Is it more likely that they would have had painfully awkward and unenjoyable encounters with little to know to talk and a little earlier in their relationship and had to wait months of embarrassing experimenting before things worked out? Maybe. But that version makes me very sad and my version makes me ridiculously happy <3 
> 
> All I can say is that I hope and pray that this 12k update satisfied you amazing loyal people who have waited for 35k to see these two bone. I made sure that at least half this update was some good old thirsty boning because y'all deserve it <3 I'll be honest with you - it's been nearly a decade since I've written porn. So this wasn't the easiest and I can only hope it didn't ruin all this build up. 
> 
> But all in all, I hope you liked their fumbling but full of love journey. It was a joy to add this aspect of their love story to my series. 
> 
> Oh and yeah, don't worry, this isn't the last you've seen of smuttyness in the SALLTKS verse ;) 
> 
> Love Roxanne xxx
> 
> *
> 
> Thanks to the amazing [mobpsycho100l](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobpsycho100) for the beta read.
> 
> *
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/misssnowfox)to spam me about kagehina <3

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATED A/N
> 
> I can't thank you enough for all the lovely words you've had to say about my fic, but I've decided, at least for the time being, to disable comments on all my fics up to this point. New fics will have comments enabled, but email notifications turned off. This has nothing to do with any negative experiences with anyone commenting (as you can see if you read, it's all very very kind), but I've just found the experience a little too overwhelming for me personally in terms of responding and no matter how many people tell me not to worry, it's not going away, and I know the more I write the more it'll frustrate me. I didn't want to let new people comment on the story and feel ignored or left out because they thought I refused to reply to them. So the best way for me to do that is just to disable all fics where there are already existing comments. I know this can be horribly frustrating for some folks, so if you really would like to get in touch with me, I LOVE talking to new people and you an reach me via my twitter (linked in the A/N) or through my discord handle which is Roxanne#6113
> 
> I love you all and if you happen to find this fic after this A/N was written I hope you enjoy it and I love you all!


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